Funeral plans..

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DH wanted our ashes scattered together, so I collected them, and they are tucked away in a top box, in my bedroom. I don't want to see them though.

When I die, DD will collect my ashes and scatter them both somewhere - I've got no preference where she does this.

He had a "normal" funeral, not a direct one, and I want the same.🙂

whiff, your story brings home the impact of suffering and the importance the living place on commemorating loss/bereavement.
I agree with MOnica - funerals are for the living, not the dead

I am with you twiglet77. Funerals are for the living, not the dead, so while my children know broadly what kind of send off I would like, I am leaving it to them to decide how they want to dispose of my remnants.

It strikes me as rather selfish to go and completely organise an event that will be after your death, without any regard for what those left behind to mourn would prefer.

I’d prefer a direct cremation, no service, and ashes scattered on my favourite sand dunes, but I imagine the family will do whatever they want when the time comes - I won’t be there to argue!

I said to my daughter last year I was thinking about pre paying for a cremation only. She said no mom I want a funeral so said ok I will prepaid for a funeral . She said no mom that is my reasonability when you die. So I said ok but no flowers . She said it will be like dad's . We are atheist's had a non religious funeral no flowers as they are for the living not the dead. We asked if anyone wanted to donate the money would go to the cancer ward where my husband was treated. We went with the Co Op. The funeral director did the service and had written a lovely eulogy after speaking to us and after we approved it. We had 3 pieces of pop music my daughter picked a Franz Ferdinand song to go into, joint choice of a Damian Price song for the lowering of the coffin and my choice of Mr Blue Sky by ELO for leaving the crem. Ironic as it was raining . This was 2004 my husband was 47. We raised over £5,000 and the money was spent on things the patients needed like a fan for ones home ,bottle of whiskey for another . Simple things that just made a difference to them at home. Doing it that way meant a lot of cancer patients got what gave them pleasure. As many know it's no fun having cancer and many survive. But for those who like my husband who knew from his diagnosis he wouldn't live 5 years he lived 3 having a treat means the world.

It's a sad fact I would like to think it's down to people being more cancer aware the figure was 1 in 3 get cancer when my husband had his now it's 1 in 2 get cancer. But I don't know .

My husband had a grade 4 malignant melanoma which appeared overnight in his hair line in line with his right eye . When my husband died 2,000 people died from skin cancer a month . He died in agony from 6 tumours. Even on full oxygen he couldn't breath he had 3 tumours in his right lung one in his middle of his chest and 2 by the optical nerve which was sending him blind. He died at home with me and our children. I had to tell him to stop fighting we would be ok. He died a few minutes later.

I know the OP started this about funerals . But as we are into the autumn please still be skin aware as the winter sun can be just as dangerous as the summer .

It saddens me I still see adults and children with sunburn . The children especially as I would dearly love to give the parents a good shaking and point out they are risking their child's life.

Skin cancer in this country still isn't taken seriously enough. And yet people die every week from it. I don't want anyone to go through what my husband did. And the ironic thing was as an adult he never sun bathed but his oncologist told us it was from when he was a child and spending hours in the sun on the beach playing. We where both born in late 50's only thing on the market was sun oil which fried your skin. No suntan cream . He's parents could afford the oil mine couldn't.

His oncologist said we all carry cancer in our bodies it's just the luck of the draw whether its activated or not. And on that note I will end my ramble.

my daughters know I’d like a wicker coffin and to be buried with their dad. It’s all personal choice. I wish everyone respected each others choices. Not everyone wants a pure cremation

Burn and return for me, all paid for with Pure cremation…

Alldom I agree,
I have just googled the price of wicker coffins and came up with this:
Wicker coffins vary in price and generally range between £400-£900. Much of this variability is determined by the materials used and the level of personalisation. www.thinkwillow.com/blogs/willow/why-choose-a-wicker-coffin-read-our-free-guide-before-spending-any-money

Mallin

A wicker coffin cost £4 thousand. What a waste. I’ve paid Pure cremation up front.

A wicker coffin does not cost £4,000.
We chose a wicker coffin for our adult son.
It was made in Somerset. That was a few years ago.
I have checked with the company and currently they are between £400 - £900.
If you needed to pay less I think the coffins made in China are cheaper. But I would not have wanted anything imported.

Callistemon21
Well, I know this is a serious subject but have you watched the film "What We Did On Our Holiday"?

Yes, watched it twice. Great film has you laughing and crying!

I will have a Church of Scotland service and be buried alongside my darling late husband. Local undertaker is a true gentleman, cemetery is beautifully maintained, many relatives already buried there and can't think of anywhere else I would rather be laid to rest. Spend my childhood playing in the woods and fields around the cemetery.

I have an 'Ark', a small patch of land I bought from a neighbour which is dedicated to biodiversity. I would like to be buried there. All my family will have to do is check there's no watercourse and dig a hole.

I’m not bothered about a service. I just want the cheapest option so our son can benefit from any capital I may leave.

In fact, I wish there was a scheme whereby bodies are collected and ecologically disposed of. I have never seen the point of paying for an expensive coffin just for it to be buried or burnt. People can have a service should they choose to. Each to his own.

Im signed up with direct cremations as I am not religious and want no service.

i have mine all sorted with a cremation, no service and nobody there, my son is happy with this and i have said it is up to him about my ashes.

A wicker coffin cost £4 thousand. What a waste. I’ve paid Pure cremation up front.

I have a funeral plan paid already. I have included certain
‘ instructions ‘, though it won’t matter to me if my AC change some aspects. I have also chosen music, and plan to write some background information for the celebrant.

I cannot see that having no funeral plans can be a problem. You just do whatever you prefer and is convenient.

The idea is to stop the family arguing afterwards about what to do or not to do. Which continuously happens where there are split families or many children, even just 2 children often can't agree. It makes it so much easier for the ones left behind who have to organise it as most people feel an obligations to follow the deceased requests. It is also paid for in advance, so it comes out of your estate (saves care costs) or your relatives from having to pay for your funeral if you do not leave much.

Callistemon21

Janburry

Funerals at crematoriums are so quick and impersonal, the last one l attended had one funeral in, one waiting and one just left. My husband and l are with pure crematorium, my husband, when he passed, was picked up very quickly, they were very professional and kept us informed of when to expect his ashes back, we decided where to scatter them when we chose cremation. My daughter also chose cremation but hadn't decided what to do with her ashes. Her daughter heard of a place called Leafy Lane where you chose a small plot and a tree native to the UK, she also chose a celebrant who did a small service while the ashes were buried and the tree planted. It was something we all agreed that had she known about it, she would have chosen for herself

Not always. We've been to several funerals lately, at different crematoria and in church recently; it's as personal as the relatives want to make it.

One recent funeral was non-religious at the crematorium, short but very emotional.
Another at a different crematorium, longer and conducted by a vicar who knew the deceased..

I'm sorry to hear about your DH and your daughter, janburry.

We should all make plans.

But, as someone said recently after DH had been to a very impersonal funeral, "He's in a better place now".

Janburry

Funerals at crematoriums are so quick and impersonal, the last one l attended had one funeral in, one waiting and one just left. My husband and l are with pure crematorium, my husband, when he passed, was picked up very quickly, they were very professional and kept us informed of when to expect his ashes back, we decided where to scatter them when we chose cremation. My daughter also chose cremation but hadn't decided what to do with her ashes. Her daughter heard of a place called Leafy Lane where you chose a small plot and a tree native to the UK, she also chose a celebrant who did a small service while the ashes were buried and the tree planted. It was something we all agreed that had she known about it, she would have chosen for herself

Not always. We've been to several funerals lately, at different crematoria and in church recently; it's as personal as the relatives want to make it.

One recent funeral was non-religious at the crematorium, short but very emotional.
Another at a different crematorium, longer and conducted by a vicar who knew the deceased..

Funerals at crematoriums are so quick and impersonal, the last one l attended had one funeral in, one waiting and one just left. My husband and l are with pure crematorium, my husband, when he passed, was picked up very quickly, they were very professional and kept us informed of when to expect his ashes back, we decided where to scatter them when we chose cremation. My daughter also chose cremation but hadn't decided what to do with her ashes. Her daughter heard of a place called Leafy Lane where you chose a small plot and a tree native to the UK, she also chose a celebrant who did a small service while the ashes were buried and the tree planted. It was something we all agreed that had she known about it, she would have chosen for herself

Celieanne86, that's all a bit complicated (talking to a funeral director) - and pointless if you just want an unattended cremation. There is no funeral to 'direct'.

You can arrange direct cremation online or over the phone. I've paid for mine a few years ago so it's nice to know that my family know what to do. They can all meet up to scatter my ashes - and no silly service with a dead body in a box!

I have paid for a Funeral Plan and left details of my wishes. Since I won't be there, I am not worried if remaining relatives decide on something different, as I agree that any funeral is really for those still living.

My mother surprised many of her family by writing a letter of wishes which told us she wanted her ashes to be put into the sea at a certain location. The undertaker supplied a cardboard cushion with the colour of our choice and inside were the ashes in a biodegradable bag. And so it came to pass some months later and with covid restrictions relaxed allowing distant family to gather. We rented a small ferry from a nearby harbour that took 12 of us on a beautiful July day. She was born beside the sea and loved it all her life.