Ways to de-stress and relax for someone newly visually impaired

I'm mentally filing away all these brilliant ideas for a little bit later, once we can see what is creating problems and what isn't. I think at the moment it's very difficult for my friend to really analyse what would help and what is creating difficulty as she is still in pain and adjusting to all the new meds she's taking, all the appointments being sent her way, etc, plus catching up from the many weeks she was in hospital. Once the dust settles, I feel I have some things that I can offer now, thank you grans!

I use an ordinary stick to get around but I do get embarrassed when cars stop to let me cross the road and I cannot see what their hands are doing- telling me to cross or whatever.

Somebody gave me a gift of mugs but they are so dark I have mega problems seeing when and if I have filled it with sufficient hot water for a drink. Filling my hot water bottle is also difficult.

It is trial and error for a lot of things. My last microwave cost me more but has few controls and the dish does not spin round to heat up so it is much easier to clean and use.

It is trial and error for a lot of things.

most phones and tablets have a voice function, so she can send a text by dictating it as well as getting a received text read for her.
It's not difficult to set up and a youtube video might have instruction for someone to set it up for her.

V3ra I like your mother-in-law's attitude!

Charleygirl5 I can see the problem with unlocking the door at my friend's house as well, although she hasn't yet been able to go out unaccompanied so it hasn't really been a problem so far. That's one to consider, definitely. I have also suggested considering a stick for walking where it's crowded as I know others sometimes need that to signify someone is maybe going to be a bit slower or need to be given some space. I hadn't thought of a white stick but again, it's now on the list! Many thanks.

Your friend would not consider this yet but Macular friends of mine have bought foldable white canes. They are only brought out of a bag occasionally to warn a motorist he or she is sight impaired. It works a treat and it is only used as a reminder.

Pah! My mother-in-law used to use her white stick to part the crowds in M&S so that she got to the front of the queue.

She also surreptitiously used it to deliberately trip up an obnoxious hooray henry type at a beach bar on the Algarve.

She was totally shameless:
"Who's going to think it was the little old blind lady?" 😐

One of my main problems is unlocking and locking the front door because I cannot see the lock. I have not yet worked around it without changing the door so it opens on verbal command. That would be too expensive.

I only use a couple of programmes on my washing machine and dishwasher because I cannot read them and I may not hit the correct spot when turning the knob to set it before starting. Again my stickers are advantageous.

Your friend would not consider this yet but Macular friends of mine have bought foldable white canes. They are only brought out of a bag occasionally to warn a motorist he or she is sight impaired. It works a treat and it is only used as a reminder.

Hi Whiff, so sorry you've had to go through that. Lack of understanding is terrible and people say such stupid things. As my friend has had a stroke people have said things like 'well at least you aren't paralysed' as their first reaction, as if she should be grateful to only be partially disabled now. I love that you say you wear your disability with pride! My friend is still very much in the early days of thinking it all through and although she is basically very strong she is also very frightened at the moment.

Teabagwoman, lighting is indeed an issue for her but she's just feeling her way with what works and what doesn't at the moment herself, no referrals anywhere yet. She finds any bright lights too much so is currently keeping the curtains drawn in her rooms most of the time (light curtains though, not blackout) and she is worried about when she goes outside how she will cope with bright lights or sunshine as it all gives her a headache at the moment. But we are hoping that will change over the coming weeks or months as the sight loss and change has been only 2 months.

Muckandnettles glad your friend is able to talk to you . Please tell her it's not moany or negative to talk about what she feels. But she does need to talk to people who are going through the same thing . Some of the parents with babies posted videos so I could see what my parents went through with me as a baby and toddler it broke my heart as I realise how frightened my parents must have been . But it also made me love them all the more and the rest of my extended family. Wasn't until I went to high school I was treated different and was bullied everyday for 5 years.

I will be 66 next month it's only since my diagnosis have I have been able to talk openly about what I went through. Only my husband knew unfortunately he died 20 years ago at 47.

Having my diagnosis changed my life for the better and talking to others who feel the same and have and going through the same problems helps me daily .

I father in law told me once I was defective not long after we first met. But he and my mother in law where the ones who where defective in their attitude towards disability.

Disability doesn't mean you can't have a full life you can but a life that suits you . You adapt your surroundings and how you do the things you want but do them your way.

Disability doesn't mean incapable . And I wear my disability with pride because of the love I have been given and never being told I can't do something. My dad always said no such word as can't.

Lots of good advice above. I’m blind in one eye and have partial sight in the other. It happened quite quickly so I can totally relate to your friend’s anger and need to grieve. One thing that hasn’t been mentioned is lighting. I need much more light now and had a lighting assessment which was very helpful. Has your friend been referred to the Low Vision clinic at the hospital? They can provide aids and will advise.

Tobianathekid aromatherapy is a nice idea - yes, I can see that helping. When you say essential oils, how would you use them? I don't know much about aromatherapy, but I know my friend has enjoyed spa treatments that use that. It can't be anything involving candles though, for obvious reasons. You can get electric things like that, I think?

My friend has money, so wouldn't be too keen having a charity help her for lifts to hospital and she would need to take someone with her each time anyway. I will find out if such things are in her area though, just in case.

Thank you those that have commented that I'm a nice friend, that's kind of you. We are friends from Primary School so have seen each other through a lot over the years. She has no family so friends are especially important to her, but as she has found out, when you're ill you find out who your friends really are. I thought I'd be one of a team but that's not quite the case!

I would also try aromatherapy. Essential oils can be great for winding down and relaxing.

Fingers crossed it goes ok for her.

In my area, and something I'm keen to ensure people have knowledge about, is a charity that takes people to and from hospital appointments. (They will wait for 2 hours at the hospital) for a reasonable price.
They do other things too, such as shopping trips, but I haven't tried them yet.

Maybe you have something similar in your area, if the uber doesn't work out

What a nice friend you are, by the way.

MissAdventure, I've helped her set up an Uber account and she is going to try it for the first time in a week or so when she goes back to the hospital. She will have someone with her to help negotiate around the hospital so I just hope the Uber all works okay to get her home as well.

I agree that Alexa is a good call, but it's going to be difficult to introduce new gadgets for a while. I use Google at lot myself and it switches lights on as well as answers questions and plays music or radio, so I can see how much that would help. It just is another thing to get your head round when there is so much else so I can see that might be further down the line. Charleygirl red stickers are a good idea. Charger cables are so fiddly, and the phone is an absolute lifeline.

Whiff I can see what you mean about 'feeling weird' and I really hope my friend can find other people in a similar situation so she can vent a bit about it. She is able to tell me how she feels as we are old old friends but she has said already she won't tell anyone else how she is feeling, not as fully, as she doesn't want to be negative or moany. I feel she needs some psychological support at some point, and I'm pretty sure she would accept it with no problem, at least initially.

Thank you all for your input, it's really helpful to discuss it and at least feel I'm not missing anything glaringly obvious that I could do. She's a close friend but we live a 2 hour car journey away from each other, so I want to be able to have a plan of action when I go and stay with her again if possible so I can set up things for her that will help.

Don't forget disability benefit, if costs are prohibitive to your friends wellbeing.

Maybe for visiting she could have a taxi back, or for things like hospital appointments, until she is more settled.

I am tech-averse but I have 3 Alexas, my bedroom, kitchen and living room. I do not have to fiddle with any knobs- please do not let her pay for music because Alexa will try that trick. I just ask her to play Queen and off she goes. You can ask her to adjust or increase the volume as you wish. In the kitchen I need her for timing dishes and in my bedroom as I cannot see my watch I ask her for the time, what the weather is and the latest news.

I find it easy to charge my phone as I put a red sticker on the side the charger goes into the phone.

It is not something to which somebody can adjust overnight. Occasionally I still have the "why me" times.

We are here if you need any more advice.

The RNBI will have lots of helpful advice. Plus all the gadgets to make her life easier. Meeting others with sight loss will help as talking to others with the same thing they understand how you feel and will not make a fuss or make you feel weird.

I am not saying you do muckandnettles but I talk from experience. I was born disabled but didn't get a diagnosis until 2022. I had felt weird all my life and thought I was alone . But thankfully found a worldwide Facebook group who have it as it's rare and I am no longer weird but normal for the condition.

Your friend probably can't talk about some things to you about how she is feeling. But talking to a group who have they same condition will help her as they will understand exactly how she feels and talk about their experience and things they found help them cope with life.

She is very lucky to have a friend like you that cares so much you are trying to find ways to help her.

Thank you all so much, these are all really useful ideas. It's very early days yet for my friend, so it's going to be a period of adjustment at the moment for quite some time. I just feel having things to fill her time that could be enjoyable would help, but I'm worried she won't want to move on from what she had before. She's had no community help yet, but I'm assuming it's in the pipeline and in time she will want to consider social groups. She has a lot of friends but most of the oldest and closest, like me, live a few hours away. It's really tough for her basically, but it's good to hear stories of people that manage it all.

There should be an organisation who take responsibility for helping people who are registered as visually impaired in your area. It might be your council or (as in my area) a charity who is paid to do so. My sister and her husband are both partially sighted and have received visits from a mobility officer who also advised about gadgets that could help. This organisation also set up my late neighbour’s computer so that he could access it.
Your local ophthalmology clinic should have details of who to contact.
Good luck. Your friend is lucky to have your support.

muckandnettles if you have a local Lions club, Rotary, older Scouts or Guides, RNIB, all places who help in the community, me, I’d ask on our local Facebook.
Social media can be useful sometimes, as I said, for now, it may be too early, but worth thinking about.

Smart tvs have a voice activated controller on the remote control.
There are tabs which can be put on items so that they can be found with a voice command.
IPad can be set using “siri” for taking dictation for emails, finding to programmes etc.
Teenagers are a great help in setting up tech.

Alexa and audio description are good ideas, thanks! She panics a bit with technology to be honest, always has, so it would have to be set up very well so there would be no problems with using it. She doesn't have a smart TV so can't get catch up, which is the only place I've seen audio description. But in time that could be really useful to her. She has a laptop, so could do it on there, but it's a vicious cycle really as she can't see it to set it up. At the moment I think she's just hoping it will all improve with time, which it might.

Alexa is a boone

Would Alexa be able to help your friend with audio books? My daughter is blind but that's been since she was a baby, so I realise it's a totally different situation. However, I know she enjoys films which have audio description. It must be hard making the adjustment from being fully sighted though, and I do feel for your friend.