DH recently diognosed with Alzheimer's

Hello Oma if you havnt already contact Alzheimer’s who have a lot if infomation and support for people with Alzheimer’s and their carers. Take care of yourself,

I am in exactly the same situation as yourself. Recent confirmed diagnosis but the signs have been there for a while. I know how you feel, it's like the life we knew has ended and we are now responsible for absolutely everything. I get very frustrated and really down at times but not much we can do. I need to get in touch with some organisations and see what is on offer but at the moment everything is just a challenge. We will get there, it just takes time adjusting to a different way of life and making the most of it.

Shelflife, so sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you.

My Mum died 4 years before my Dad but she was sharp as a tack in her late 80s and coped amazingly with Dad's dwindling capabilities. Unfortunately Dad had Alzheimers from a few years before she died and once she was no longer with us all it fell on my brothers, myself and my sister to do whatever we could, which involved moving him closer to us all so that we could visit between us every day and arrange carers. We did this willingly, so I am sure that your AC will help if needed as you have said you are a close and loving family. We never saw it as a burden, we loved my Dad. I do understand your reluctance to rely on them too much though. They have their lives to live and we were lucky that we all lived within 20 miles of each other and could together do what we hoped was for the best for Dad in the circumstances.

As I said before, I am sending you all my best wishes and hope that you will find the support you need.

you can get a small whiteboard, about A5 size, with erasable pen, from PoundLand and similar stores.
look in the art/toy/stationery sections.
this i v useful when communicating with anyone hard of hearing.
i wish you both all the best.

I helped care for my mother with this. It’s not easy. Try and get all the support you can.💐

I am sure you are not a very bad wife!
Emotions are very complex in these situations . Feeling resentment is not unusual, I am as supportive as I can be and know his forgetfulness is beyond his control but there are times when I feel cross with him for putting me in this situation - I know how unfair of me that is, I suppose I just want things back to how they were . I am endeavoring to accept our new normal but it is not an easy task. However we have spent almost 50 years together and my love and respect for him remains - so I know I will do my very best. winterwhite you are entitled to your projects and I hope you find a way to continue enjoying them . My DH is at the beginning of this disease so there is a long road ahead for both of us.

My DH is arriving at the top of this cliff too. Of course I know he can’t help feeling disoriented, esp in time, but I find it very hard not to feel resentment. He toils not neither does he spin so all the burden of running the house falls on me and I have my own projects that I don’t want to give up. I must be a very bad wife

I think the 'keeping an eye on' is very wearing so do try to have a break.

Sure you know all the theory but it's a different thing when it's you, isn't it?

One of the things we say to our carers to accept all offers of help but I do understand wanting not to burden your AC.

Hope Men in Sheds helps.

Kittylester, thankyou for your response and advice. I think Men in Sheds is an option. I will look into that. It is very difficult because for now he is functioning fairly well (with me keeping an eye on things!) Yesterday I was feeling a bit low and fortunately for me that is unusual. However I am much better today , both daughters arriving with 6 year old and 13 year old GC . Alzheimer's is a devastating condition and yesterday I allowed my thoughts to overwhelm me. Having had considerable experience with The Alzheimer's Society I am under no illusion that ' Living well with dementia ' is more than likely not going to happen!!
I have amazing supportive AC who thankfully all get along with each other but like most Mums I do not wish to place too much of my anxiety on their shoulders. Yesterday I was so grateful for the thoughtful and kind responses I received.

I’m so sorry my mum had dementia and my grandmother. It is a horrid illness. Take one day at a time and take all the help offered by family and friends. Local Alzheimer’s groups and day centre offer support, take it you will need all the help going forward. Good days bad days sending you a big hug 🥰

Would he go to Men in Sheds, if there is one near you. We have Memories in Sheds fir people living with dementia, also a walking group and a gardening group. Leicester City FC host a Memory group and give brilliant talks - does your local club. Our area is even setting up a motorbike group.

Shelflife I'm sorry to hear this. Yes, when something happens to you or your loved ones it is quite different.

Please accept all the help you can. I hope you can get him out to the support groups, perhaps he'd go if he thought it was a club where people meet for a chat and coffee.

I am so sorry that you have had such devastating news. You must be reeling.

Please contact whoever supplies Dementia Support services in your area - maybe the Alzheimer's Society but here, Leicestershire, it is AgeUk.

As a former volunteer, you will be aware of lots of the various things on offer but a DSW will be able to give you loads of up to date information.

Round here we offer Carer Learning Courses which our attendees tell us are invaluable and a great source of mutual support. I think they are available in other areas too. Your DSW will be able to tell you.

As someone else said, apply for Attendance Allowance and Council Tax Reduction - every little helps. We supply a guide book to help.

Please pm me if you think I can help.

The Alzheimers Society is excellent. We have a music and memories group, everyone loves it and music seems to be very memorable for all

Lots of empathy and support on this helpful thread, but facing an ever diminishing future is harder than anyone can imagine who hasn’t been there. The person you loved for so long, and who loved you, is less and less there and it is so lonely. The advice about putting some support in place sooner rather than later is absolutely essential if you are to cope with the future and still remain yourself. Keep us posted so that we can continue to send you our love and support and any good ideas you may not have thought of.

No advice, as you have lots of info and experience. Just empathy and best wishes here 😊

Sorry today is a bad day for you Shelflife but tomorrow may be better. I had some awful days when Mum was so confused and upset and I used to go in her loo and sit and cry silently then come out and pretend I was fine. She never noticed!

But then we would get lovely days when we would laugh and share memories or sit on a cliff top in the car eating fish and chips and she would throw chips in the air and the seagulls would swoop down and catch them mid-air. 🙂 those are the days I still cling on to.

You sound pretty clued up but I would say get out as much as you can together. I used to take Mum out in a wheelchair and we used to admire people’s gardens and often they were weeding and would stop for a chat.

I recommend a book The Little Girl in The Radiator by Martin Slevin. His Irish Mum had dementia and this is his story and how they both coped with it. It is almost a carbon copy of Mum and me and our journey. It is very well written, funny, sad, honest and heartwarming. Your library will get you one or Ebay usually has some. ❤️

Thanks everyone , feel better for telling you ! My lovely Mum had dementia and lived with us for four years, hard as it was I had my DH beside me and he never ever complained! This is different, my mind was racing ahead this morning and I was acknowledging the fact that as the condition progresses I will be on my own . Silverling you are correct, I have lots of experience, but now it affects my DH it is a whole new ball game. For now we appreciate what we we can , I will plan for the future but at the same time take things a day at a time and try not to feel engulfed with the enormity of the diognosis. How lucky is he that I am 10 years younger than him !? I really appreciate your responses , thank you - Is' nt GN amazing!

You say you 'don't think he would go' with you to groups, but please realise he will become even more stubborn as the illness progresses, so do your best to set things in motion now.
You will eventually need carers - don't delay or you run the risk of him refusing to co-operate when they become essential.
Just one thing from the experience of my Mum's journey through this heartbreaking battle - make sure you don't neglect your own health and needs.

You will already know a lot about dementia Shelflife but when it affects you personally it’s different and always very hard.
Of course you feel low, those of us who have had loved ones with this cruel disease will understand.
Never refuse offers of help and if you need a break ask for it.
A day at a time. Easy to say hard to endure 😣

Shelflife you'll know about the aids the Alzheimer's society sell then.
I bought the large screen day, date, time clock for Mum who had Alzheimer's, it kept her grounded. Dad uses it now he has vascular dementia.

One very useful thing we have is a large A3 wall calendar, a month to a page, from Amazon.
I write all Dad's activities and appointments on it so he can see what's going on. His carers find it very useful as well.
We cross each day off in the evening otherwise Dad gets confused which week it is.

Shelflife, put your foot down . Be firm. Easier said than done I know,
Please try one of the groups or go on your own and ask their advice.

Thankyou all. I
worked as a volunteer for the Alzheimer's Society - for many years, gleaned a great deal of information. There are local support groups but don't think he would agree to going with me . I feel I can no longer rely on my dependable man , so must step up to the plate! It's very difficult because other people do not see what I see! I sorted out POAs some time ago when I could see what was happening - thank goodness for that!
Today I feel a bit low but it will pass . I have an amazing family , AC and my own siblings. Also a good network of friends for which I am very thankful.

I send lots of commiserations.
I have been there and done that.
It is a road we never want to travel but travel it we must.
You should get all the help you can. Try for Attendance Allowance, you may not get it straight away but later on it is helpful to pay for someone to sit with your H while you have a break, which you will need.
Is he on the latest medication? it does not cure but slows down the progress.
You can still enjoy life but in a different way.
At times you will need the patience of all the Saints.
Very best wishes for the times ahead.
Please feel free to get in touch.
I will be honest and straight with you.

Dear Shelflife
So sorry to hear this.
Do find out what help you can get.
Perhaps arrange a companion for him one day or evening a week so you can get can get out.
Contact your gp to see what's available. Perhaps there's a memory clinic nearby you.