Suspected autism in 12 year old granddaughter.

Your description doesn't describe autistic characteristics. She seems like an intelligent girl who does not want to be in a school right now. I feel sorry for your daughter and your GD. It will be rough going but they'll get through it.

Apologies, spelt Curtaintwitcher’s name wrong.

Sounds like the granddaughter is well on the way to getting suspended from school number 2.

I agree with Curtaintwither’s first paragraph. Children NEED rules and boundaries. Twelve year olds should be following the school’s rules and regulations, even if they don’t always suit. Where would we be if every pupil chucked a hissy fit over whether they wanted to do this or that?

She sounds like yet another child who basically doesn’t want to go to school.

Too many children these days are treated like endangered species. They actually NEED rules and boundaries. Parents who indulge their offspring are not doing them any favours at all.

I'm sure my own daughter is autistic. At the age of three, she was given tests but they were inconclusive. When there is a genuine problem, it shows at an early age, it isn't something which comes on later in life.

Good post keepingquiet

Behaviours aside, I’d be inclined to say stuff the blazer or anything else that is nothing to do with education.

However I’m aware that if that is the parents chosen school (or the only reasonable option) well…

My oldest grandson was diagnosed when he was about nine and started running away from school. When he was caught and brought back he was obviously terrified rather than naughty. His ten year old cousin is currently only doing mornings at school because he can't cope with so many people and eventually starts throwing things or hitting people. Again it is obviously not being able to cope rather than being naughty for the sake of it.

Go through the school, by seeing her form teacher, discussing her behaviour at school and at home, and ask if she needs if they consider she needs a referral for behaviour.. The school will be able to give you strategies for behaviour management and try those first and keep records of the results to discuss with school.
I would avoid private referrals if you possibly can; they are extremely expensive and vary in reliability.

Those little clues do not hint autism to me at all.

She is a teenager

Telling her she has to wear the blazer and her doing the opposite? Colour me surprised (not)!

Having worked for several years with 'difficult' children, especially teenage girls I offer the following:

Are there other problems other than just those you outline?

The move from the previous school could have affected her, maybe she isn't settling in too well.

Is she doing well otherwise with her work and classmates?

Often this behaviour manifests due to other issues such as bullying by other students or teachers.

It is always best to treat these issues as quickly as possible because no one wants her school work to suffer, and there may be intervention available in school.

Despite the government claiming they have spent more money on mental helth in schools this money may not have trickled down to reach young women like your granddaughter,

The incidents you describe could be symptoms of autism, but diagnosis can be extremely slow or very expensive. Some private assessments will not be recognised by the LA so try to work with the school as much as possible,

Maybe she needs a reduced timetable for a while or a referral to CAMHS, but again the waiting lists are very long. Some students wait years.

You say she was suspended from school- maybe the school has different provision for school transfers? If you aren't careful the new school may try to send her back- this is not unusual.

12 years is still young- my guess is there is a lot going on under the surface here.

Having said all this you are a grandparent, not a parent so your role in her education is limited if not irrelevent. I would work closely in a supportive way with the parents and just be there for your grandaughter in other aspects of her life.
Raise her self-esteem, praise her for what she gets right but don't bribe her into good behaviour with buying her stuff.

After working with girls like this for many years it isn't a simple picture, often it is far more than simply the school having 'silly' rules and I am afraid it sounds as if you are in for a protracted time of trying to guide this young woman through some difficult situations.

Try not to focus on her education too much, just be her granny who loves her for what she is and find ways to have fun in other activities that mean you all get to relax a little,

I wish you well.

Daddima

Callistemon21

She sounds unhappy to me and desperately attention-seeking.

What else is going on in her life?

I would say that 99.999% of ‘bad’ behaviour is attention seeking.

When a child behavious like that, there can be so many reasons or causes, whether it be ODD, ADHD, Autism, etc. etc.
ODD did spring to mind, but any condition requires a formal assessment.

How did she mange to get to twelve years old, without any intervention or the school trying to get to the bottom of things?

I would say that 99.999% of ‘bad’ behaviour is attention seeking. Sweeping statements like that don't really help, when the OP is seeking advice.

Callistemon21

She sounds unhappy to me and desperately attention-seeking.

What else is going on in her life?

I would say that 99.999% of ‘bad’ behaviour is attention seeking.

Primrose53

Her Mum needs to push for a diagnosis. It may be autism, it may be something else or it may be she is just badly behaved.
A Psychologist will assess her.

My niece got so fed up waiting that she paid privately for an assessment for her son. He is 12 now. It cost about £1,000 so they just put off updating their car for a year.

It was actually £2,000. Just spoke to her.

Thank you Callistemon
I cry tears of joy now.
We bumped into her maths teacher in SuperDrug. My Granddaughter walked off to look at something so I took the opportunity to ask the teacher if she was good at maths: her reply, she’s a genius but lazy 😂

Well done to your granddaughter, petra

It just takes someone who can think outside the box, who realises that children are individuals and do not all come out of the same mould. Well done to that Deputy Head for recognising that.

Hang in there. We have been through far worse with my granddaughter. She was finally expelled.
Fortunately the deputy head knew she had a marvellous brain.
He spoke up for her at a school that is in the top 3 in our county because he knew they would know how to handle her.
Next week she is going to Lambeth Palace at the invite of The Archbishop of Canterbury.
She won a competition at school and it went from there.

She sounds unhappy to me and desperately attention-seeking.

What else is going on in her life?

Quite hot isn't hot enough.
Hence, I'm not a teacher.

Would the school have had more idea if the little girl is showing traits of autism?
Surely they would say, wouldn't they?

It's all so complex these days.

MissAdventure

It's not exactly boiling weather now, though.

Apparently it was quite hot the other days in some parts of the country 🌞

But certainly not here!

I have worked with Autistic children and had training to recognise the behaviours.
This behaviour does not point towards Autism.
Everyone now seems to want to be able to label their child,children and young people are sometimes just badly behaved.

It's not exactly boiling weather now, though.

Yesterday I had to pick her up from the school as she had decided she was too hot, and didn't want to wear the school blazer, so just walked out. (scream I know).

I'd have told her I wasn't taking her home, she had to go back into school.

The school policy about blazer wearing needs to be addressed.
My school over 60 years ago was strict about uniform but the rules were not nonsensical. No-one wore blazers indoors, unless it was very cold.

midgey

Maybe she is an amazingly sensible child! This rubbish about wearing hot uniform on a hot day……makes me cross and I’m not involved!

I think a lot of the pupils at one of my DGC's schools rebelled because they were told to wear their blazers all day during a hot summer.
So they refused. Good for them!

Some rules are meant to be broken.

My friends well brought up grandchild sounds exactly like that even called the teacher a cow it would never have happened in my school days or even my children’s school days
So what’s different children believing they are the boss with no repercussions for stroppiness

Maybe she is an amazingly sensible child! This rubbish about wearing hot uniform on a hot day……makes me cross and I’m not involved!