Advanced Dementia in a parent

Foxglove, sending you a big hug from someone who has been in your shoes.
My darling mum died in 2008 in a home specialising in dementia care. She was looked after but was always asking to go home, to where I am not sure.
She was fine in 2003 at my 50th birthday but the dementia caught up with her quite quickly.
All I can say is visit, hold her hand and tell her you love her.
Dementia is the most cruel of diseases.
Sending my love xxx

You need a very big comforting hug.
I am so sorry that your Mum's deterioration has advanced so quickly leaving you and your siblings so little time to adjust to this change.
Try to reassure yourself that your Mum is in a safe place, is warm, given nourishment, and is looked after.
Visit as often as you can and bring photos or other things to jog her memory and help her and you through this time, as other posters on here have suggested.
Remember her as she was, and the happy times you all had. It will help you.

It is an emotional time ahead for you. My Mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s at Approx 92. She lived with it until nearly 97. She was confused and forgetful at the start but still my Mum. I would look at her sometimes and think “there’s not much wrong” and we had some lovely times together and were both positive about the future.

Then she forgot how to cook, how to get out of her reclining chair, how to use her stairlift and had loads of falls so was unsafe at home. She spent her last 3 years in a very good care home. She was safe, gained weight and enjoyed the company.
I visited every other day and we used to sit in the garden, go for a drive or a push in a wheelchair. She loved having me stay for lunch too. These were great times and then she started imagining people were stealing her newspaper, colostomy bags, knitting wool etc and this caused her great distress. Reassurance didn’t work so I just had to change the subject.

It sounds like your Mum is further on in the dementia journey than my Mum got to but just keep going, lots of cuddles, hand massages, painting nails, brushing hair etc so she knows you are with her. Old photographs can be useful to just jog her memory too. Take care. Xx

My dear MIL is now in residential care. She will be 90 in December. She is well cared for, the staff are lovely, and they try and make all residents as happy and comfortable as they can.

My husbands visits three times a week, just for a couple of hours, she is always so tired and frail.

You’ve done your best, if your DM is well cared for, comfy, warm and fed and watered, then just take comfort that she probably doesn’t notice much and hopefully isn’t in pain.

Hi. How I feel for you were having a similar experience. My mum lived alone aged 92 but became very forgetful and increasingly upset with everything.
One night she went out looking for help saying she felt dizzy. She hadn’t thought to press her alarm or call me. The ambulance came and found her BP to be high and took her in hospital. She went from there to a care home in December.
Since then their GP has diagnosed dementia. No idea what type but she has become increasingly vague, she still recognises me and close family but gets everyone else mixed up.
It’s a very strange thing when you’ve had a loving mum. She doesn’t seem pleased to see us or upset when we go now. Which I suppose is a good thing.
Sorry I can’t be much of a comfort, but it is very hard going. There’s only me, so I visit twice a week and stay around an hour. I find after a hour she gets tired and mixed up. Do the home encourage your mum to join in with the activities ? My mum will join in sometimes but not always.

Just to remember your Mum as she was, my Mums dementia took her down a tunnel for ten long years, she, as I knew her, disappeared in the first two. Don’t feel guilty if you don’t visit, especially in the latter stages.

Sending you a big (((hug))), be gentle with yourself, it’s a long rocky road ahead.

We had a similar experience with our stepfather, he had a few odd episodes, then he started seeing things and people that were not there.

He had a fall and was taken to A & E and admitted to hospital. Whilst there his condition deteriorated, he was prescribed drugs to ease his hallucinations.

The multidisciplinary team with the agreement of Mum, my sister and myself agreed he should go into a specialist care home.

It was a difficult few years, but the staff were amazing, we did have occasional times were he was totally lucid, unfortunately they became rarer.