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To move now or wait, deperately need advice

(13 Posts)
Haras321 Wed 03-Jul-24 12:31:53

I could really use some advice please and I apologise in advance for this long message. I'm ever so stuck and on my own so anything would help.
I'm 52 with 3 daughters, 19, 18 and 15. Following a horrendous divorce process lasting 7 years my ex has not been allowed direct contact with the children for 10 years and because of that told me he would make my life difficult until I die. He was financially abusive in and after divorce leaving me in a lot of debt, which I have now recovered from. In the divorce i was awarded the house. I have covered the mortgage for 10 years as he refused to contribute even though a joint mortgage. He has no financial gain from the house but as his name is on the mortgage he has rights! I have to sell when my youngest turns 18 to remove my ex from the mortgage. I don't have 60000 to pay off the mortgage and clear his name so the house will have to be sold. I really want to move now and my youngest would start sixth form at a new school. My ex was friends with my neighbours and they have made our lives so so hard to the point where I no longer leave the house unless I have to. Problem is ex has to agree to all estate agents, agree to the cost I put the house on the market for and accept. He can object to prices offered and he has told me he WILL make the process difficult. Getting a house valuation during the divorce took 7 months as he refused all estate agents, disagreed with them and said he could not organise as he was at work! This is why the divorce took so long as he would not cooperate with anything, I can see it going back to court but I know I am not strong enough.
I feel that if I stay in this house much longer I won't survive. I need a fresh start, the house has so many bad memories and it affects us all everyday but the thought of selling also scares me.
Is there anything I can do to ensure he cannot mess the sale up?
Also, my 18 year old almost died last year and she is fragile.
She is having no luck finding work in the South even with great exams predicted and relys on me heavily but she is not keen on the move. I feel it would be a fresh start for all of us and she is the only one not happy with the prospect. I feel so alone and having to make such big decisions alone is petrifying. Our move would be to the Skipton area and it fills me with such happiness even the thought but i fear the whole process.
Please, I appreciate anything you can give. Thank you.

welbeck Wed 03-Jul-24 12:43:27

why go so far away, from the south to yorkshire ?
do you have family there ?
i can see why a teenager wouldn't like that move, and what about hosps/docs, continuity of care etc.
i presume she was v ill last year.
is it a legal requirement that you have to sell the house ?
sorry i don't understand about any of that.
can you seek legal advice.
or any local groups supporting women, women's aid ?
sounds like he is still harassing you.
have you told your GP; it should be officially recorded. also they might be able to suggest other sources of help.
a friend of mine was referred by GP to a 'social prescriber' who seems to be some kind of advisor who puts her in touch with other agencies and suggests action she can take, as she has many struggles.
sorry i can't help with advice but cert wish you well.

Germanshepherdsmum Wed 03-Jul-24 12:43:27

You say you were awarded the house but that clearly isn’t right or it would have been transferred into your name with the mortgage in your name only and your ex wouldn’t have control over the sale. It’s more complicated than you suggest. You need to go back to the solicitor who acted for you in the divorce to get clarification of your position.

keepingquiet Wed 03-Jul-24 13:16:00

I agree with above. With the divorce should have been a financial settlement through which he bought his share of the house and left the remainder to you. That is yours to do as you please, stay or leave and he no longer has rights.

The part about your children I don't understand as you say he prevented you from seeing them but they now live with you. Does he support the younger one financially, which he should.

The adult child who cannot work may be able to access financial assistance too.

Without know in more detail I would say you had poor legal and financial advice during your divorce.

I was doubting you were in the UK until I read you wanted to move to Skipton. It maybe cheaper for you to afford housing and live more cheaply (though it isn't the cheapest place to live!) but I really think you need to seek more legal advice. I wish you well.

Georgesgran Wed 03-Jul-24 16:27:45

I think it’s the ex who had no direct contact with the children for 10 years?
However, I agree with the advice of others here to contact your solicitor to check the exact terms of the divorce - if you got the house….it’s yours.

Germanshepherdsmum Wed 03-Jul-24 16:54:07

My suspicion is that the divorce settlement allowed the OP and children to live in the house until youngest turned 18 and she then has to sell it and the proceeds will be divided - in which case the ex would have a say in the sale price. It’s the only thing that makes sense to me from what the OP has said.

Grannynannywanny Wed 03-Jul-24 17:08:28

Haras321 I’m sorry you find yourself in such a difficult situation and I hope you access the legal advice you need to negotiate your way through it.

If you are new to this forum you may not realise it’s public and can be read by anyone. Threads sometimes end up on Facebook and elsewhere. Can I suggest that you don’t include personal details that could identify you if read by the wrong person.

You’ve mentioned your age, your daughter’s health condition, your children’s ages, your neighbours and where you’d like to live. Perhaps a little too detailed bearing in mind your circumstances. GNHQ will amend your post if you request it 💐

Allsorts Wed 10-Jul-24 07:19:29

Agree with what has been said, you either own the house, then he has no say, or just until youngest is 18 in which case you would get half the proceeds, therefore have to down size to a property half the value of current house as you have no cash as it is. Your youngest should complete their education, then consuder your position. If it were me I wouldn't move from my family to a cheaper area. I would buy a property suitable for myself with a room for visitors to stay. You have 3 years before a move why panic. Your house will be valued and on the market at that price. It sounds like your ex is still paying the mortgage and bills and will have a say. As gor the neighbours its you that decides if their opinion matters. I would font gd best Jim girl my children. In a few years they could all very leaving home.
I never put my personal information in here, keep it general. It's open to all.

Allsorts Wed 10-Jul-24 07:20:41

Words changed hope you got the meaning.

BigMamma Wed 10-Jul-24 07:42:07

If you were awarded the house in the divorce why is your ex husband's name still on the mortgage, it should have been removed when the house became yours, your solicitor should have told you to file papers to get your husband's name removed from the mortgage, I think it is called 'A quit claim deed' and your husband has to sign it.

You need to find a solicitor who knows what they are talking about as everything you have mentioned seems to be very complicated and still unresolved and until your husbands name is taken off the mortgate you are in a no win situation.

The solicitor has not done their job properly all those years ago or you did not do what the solicitor told you to do and that was to remove your husband's name off the mortgage

BigMamma Wed 10-Jul-24 07:47:14

Or, the house never became yours, but only yours until your youngest child became 18 and then you had to sell and split the proceeds with your husband and that is why he is making the sale difficult.

Coronation Wed 10-Jul-24 07:51:36

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I've been on a situation where neighbours were so bad I rarely left the house. That in itself is stressful as sometimes a walk really helps.

Then you have the added pressure of this situation.

I'm sending you hugs and I hope you're looking after yourself as much as possible. Easier said than done though.

Keep on posting here if it helps.

GrannyIvy Wed 10-Jul-24 08:18:19

I am understanding you only have the house until youngest is 18 then as jointly owned your ex is entitled to his share. I’m sad to hear your ex is so difficult, these type of people never change and dealing through solicitors for everything as you need to do with such a person is so very expensive. I know from a bitter experience. I’m so sorry things are so hard and hope things work out for you and your girls.