Did your parents influence you in any ways you regret?

They tried to influence me, but I was a bolshy young thing and got into trouble answering back. My Dad was proud of my career as a project manager, if rather perplexed initially. Mum had a difficult childhood and was quite insecure, after he died she was very lonely, I wish I’d understood more then.
I miss them both, my Dad in particular.

Oh bless you. I hope you continue to be ok. You deserve it

When I was at school back in the 1950s my Pa wanted me to be a lawyer. I stayed on at school gaied all the A levels needed had a place at Bristol University but refused to go. In those days one did what your parents told you to do, I stayed on to the 6th form under duress. I swore that I would let any children I might have do exactly what they wanted, and they did.

It's easier said than done. Maybe Tom Hanks isn't traumatised by his childhood.

Tom Hanks once said that beyond the age of thirty you must let go of your childhood traumas and resentments about your parents.

Though I would like to agree, it is easier said than done.

I regret my parents being very racist and passing this attitude on to me. It took until my early 20s to realise how very wrong this is. It was the 50s and notes were put on local shop doors saying no Irish, no Gypsies No Black's where we lived. Sad times but very common then.

Thank you crossstitchfan. Yes, I was adopted at age 4 and was treated reasonably but with very little affection. I was told the truth at 14 and became a very unhappy and difficult teenager.
But I'm ok now.

Reading some of these makes me almost glad I'm stuck with an orange laminate floor.

They made me a nervous wreck who is afraid of everything. I regret that.

My parents controlled by fear and threats, with holding care and attention. A cry for help was met with accusations of attention seeking. I almost died from medical negligence and everything was twisted. Everything they prevented me from excelling at, they said I had decided not to do. Not true.

Their relationships were poor , with each other and other people. My first relationship as a young adult was abusive. It also took me many years to learn how to not be in an abusive relationship. I never wanted to be like them and I don't think I am.

My parents were great. I was close to my dad but didn't get on with my mum until much later in life, but glad I had those years with her.
The one thing I remember was my wedding day. It was traditional then for people to bring small gifts with them. People were struggling financially and we weren't comfortable with people spending much money on us.
I remember talking to a guest and turning round to find my mum opening our wedding presents. I was furious!
We had a few sets of cutlery (one set I still have) and she took one saying, 'You don't need all these!' I just thought she was very cheeky doing that.

I know exactly how my parents influenced me - they modelled poor relationships and absence of love. I do indeed regret that. It took me many years to emerge the other side of this pernicious influence.

Skydancer

I suppose we all have to remember that each generation has its own values and beliefs. When I was a small child in the 1950s virtually everyone went to church and children went to Sunday School. Women stayed at home and looked after children. Men went to work and often to the pub - women only went when accompanied by a man. Women usually did not drive. Homosexuality was illegal. Capital punishment existed. There are so many examples like this so it is no wonder that our parents thought differently to us. And of course our children will think the same about us.

I suppose our children will think like this. Maybe every generation feels the same but to me the change from people influenced by the effects of WW2 to what we have now is like night and day.
I think its easy to forget the hold The Church had on society. Shops shut on a Sunday, Christmas was 24 hours, Easter everything closed.

My parents stamped morality on me loud and clear eg never be late, don't let people down, be true to your word and so on. Some of the other behaviour wasn't so good.

My mother used to say “I have kept you at school and not had a penny out of you” That started at 14. She blamed me for having a -bad figure-because she couldn’t afford a corset because she had to buy my school uniform. She spent 50 years playing me and my brother off against each other so we had no relationship till she went into a care home and we got to discuss what she had done to us.. I wanted to into WRAF but when the recruiting officer came to the house she sent him off with a flee in his ear. It was the next thing to being on the streets she said.

I've never had a holiday with a group of friends.

Knittypamela it's never too late!
For the last few years I've had a week's holiday with three friends.
We have a lovely time relaxing together, walking, talking, eating, putting the world to rights.
Two of us are widows and two of us still have our husbands.
Why not try a weekend away to start with?

I think my parents were very unusual. They'd met at university after the war, both studying the same subject, Civil Engineering. Both qualified as professional engineers after graduation and both worked through my childhood, eventually in partnership together. They were, of course, fiercely keen that my sister and I should in turn go to university and gain professional qualifications, and indeed we did.

They were neglectful by modern standards in the way that Enid Blyton's fictional parents were neglectful; we'd be out all day during the holidays without them having any idea what we were doing or who we were with. Made us independent and resourceful, although our ultimate survival was rather surprising...

They'd lived and worked abroad, they were quite liberal, completely non sexist or racist. We had books in the house with no restrictions on what we could read. We were taught how to wire plugs, paint walls, do all kinds of practical stuff.

When university graduation loomed my father went through all the things I could do, and we discussed my future career path. I saw it through and have always been able to earn a reasonable living subsequently.

So really, my parents were pretty good and I'm grateful for their input.

henetha

My parents disappointed me somewhat as they both upped and disappeared before I was two weeks old.

I have no words except sorry. I hope your adoptive (I am assuming you were adopted) parents gave you a wonderful childhood.

My parents impressed it upon me from an early age that once I finished my education I should get married and have children, I went straight from their home to my marital home and had my first baby about a year later.
I really regret that I didn’t try to strike out on my own, to do what some others did, get a job and get my own place, be my own person for a while before settling down.

In many ways my mum was ahead of her time - she always worked as a part time secretary for as long as I remember - so she was a good role model - not that recognized it at that age! Once I had finished school and was working in the city I desperately wanted move out to share a flat with a neighbour’s daughter who I was quite friendly with but who was a year or so older than me and she had just rented a flat on the Kings Road in London - but oh no, both mum and dad joined forces and would not agree to it ……I really was so disappointed! Thinking back I often wonder how much fun I had to miss out on by that decision - it was the London of the swinging sixties - where Kings Road was alive with everyone having fun and the fashions were crazy!

I am surprised to learn that many discussed baby names with their parents. I never did and never would have thought to as it was my baby and not theirs so I named my children what I wanted to. The naming was none of their business as they had their own children to name.

My parents didn't influence me in ways I regret, because they were just people who had babies but their lack of influence on me, affected me negatively.

I think that filing people into a societal "class" is archaic and has no benefit in today's world. It appears to pencil in a value for each person's existence and potential, which is ridiculous.

My aunt's husband was a real no-it-all and convinced my working class parents that there was no point a girl going to University as she would only get married and have children. I lost interest in studying for a while but eventually pulled myself together and became one of the few young women in W Yorkshire taking the Institute of Insurance exams and managed to have a successful career which my mother never understood - she told friends I was a typist. Finally, I inherited most of that horrible uncle's money, so I guess I had the last laugh.

Delighted not delightful

My parents were very supportive of me and my dreams. They happily waved goodbye when I went to university and didn't quibble when I moved to a flat in Glasgow. They brought food parcels once a week or so, but let me stand on my own two feet. They were fair minded and believed in education. I was the first in my family to have a degree and that delightful dad, in particular. I have a tendency to gossip and schadenfreude which comes from mum but I fight against it. I owe my dad everything

Won't bore you with the back story but I could not escape quick enough. Sadly, it took years to undo the damage

My parents told me I couldnt become a nurse because I wouldnt at be home to cook a meal for my family every day! I was to become a teacher instead so that I would be home by 4pm and get long holidays. I went off to teacher training college with no interest whatsoever in becoming a teacher. Luckily for me college was the best time of my life, but I only taught for a year before moving into office work. To be fair to Dad he encouraged me to do an extra year of study to get a degree (primary teaching was not a graduate career at the time), perhaps realising that I wasnt cut out to be a teacher. The degree stood me in good stead for promotions.