Did your parents influence you in any ways you regret?

I had good, loving parents who instilled in me the virtues of honesty, decency, and hard work.

But they didn’t encourage me to branch out. At a careers meeting at school, I was interested in joining the police force, the police reps seemed to think I would be suitable.

I went home, told my parents, Dad’s attitude was, “You’d never stand it, it’s not for you”.

Put me off. What did I end up doing? Worked in a local bank. Safe, steady, living at home…. Even thought about going to London to work in the bank there, back then the city was always short handed and begging for relief staff. .

“Why do you want to do that? You’ve got a good job locally”.

Did I go? No.

Is it any wonder I encouraged my own daughter to work away from home, travel, live in other countries?

🤷‍♀️

I am grateful to my parents for giving me the opportunity o make the most of education, even though there was no money and they probably would have welcome another wage coming in to the household.
So I was brought up to appreciate that money has to go a long way and to think twice before spending it on anything other than necessities. I save rather than spend. The downside is that I find it quite hard to spend money.

I suppose we all have to remember that each generation has its own values and beliefs. When I was a small child in the 1950s virtually everyone went to church and children went to Sunday School. Women stayed at home and looked after children. Men went to work and often to the pub - women only went when accompanied by a man. Women usually did not drive. Homosexuality was illegal. Capital punishment existed. There are so many examples like this so it is no wonder that our parents thought differently to us. And of course our children will think the same about us.

Every time my parents gave me advice it was wrong. I used to listen and respect their advice and then when it went wrong I thought it was my fault.

As an adult I realised they were causing mischief on purpose, like giving me the wrong directions to go somewhere so I'd get lost or be late. They later told me I'd die young and said how much better other people were than me. They tried to put all kinds of awful life limiting beliefs on me. I distanced from them for my own mental well being although I looked after them when elderly. They didn't really deserve that, but I never intended on being like them, so there's that.

I wish I’d had the wherewithal and common sense to say hold on a minute that’s not what I want to do at all, it’s my life let me decide. But I went along with their wishes, was miserable and left home as soon as I could.
I loved them and they loved me but they expected greater things from me and I wasn’t able to carry it off.

I wish my parents HAD actually sat me down and given me advice. But I'm not sure that I would have heeded it or that it would have been wise advice in any case. My parents were not particularly intelligent - particularly my mother. I do not recall any occasion when they made positive suggestions to me about anything very much. I made an awful lot of mistakes in my early life and had to work out everything for myself. By the skin of my teeth at times I got through life.

and we'd here have been deprived of all your so idiosyncratic observations.

biglouis, but did you never consider that if your mother had married someone else, you wouldn't exist at all.
there wouldn't have been a comfortable confident version of you holding tea-parties with cucumber sandwiches.

I was born bolshy. Yes, of course in childhood my parents did provide the environment I grew up in, but I find it difficult to think of anything where I conformed to their wishes and regretted it.

Generally, I either did as I wished, but didn't tell them what I was doing, or on minor things I did do as they wish. I mean they were my parents, I did love them, and any relationship involves a certain amount of compromise.

At 18 I went away to university a long way from home so they ahd no idea what I got up to there. By the time I graduated and returned home for a year I was 21, the age ofadulthood then and my parents always respected the autonomy that gave me.

So many ways.

They really made me feel worthless and like I wasn't capable of anything. I gave up trying to please them quite early in life and was suicidal as a teen...Desperate to escape their controlling ways, I ended up as a teenager in an abusive relationship and everything continued to be "my fault" for many more years and then in an extended way because that abuser told damning lies when I managed to escape.

Eventually I started a new life, held my head up high even if only I knew the truth, and found success in all the things that were always in me, that they had seen my potential and tried to squash. I regret listening to selfish, controlling and abusive people who didn't have my best interests at heart.

My parents politics affected me until I left home, but they were very liberal parents and gave me all the choices I needed and supported all my decisions even if they didn’t agree with them.

I left home at 18 and was glad to. I was very shy living at home but I cast all that aside once I left and didn’t have the oppressive atmosphere anymore. Funny thing is ,once I left I actually got on reasonably well with my parents. My Dad valued education and I am grateful for that.

Due to a split in the family I spent my childhood envying my cousins their middle class lifestyles. I came to resent my mother for "marrying down" (as my grandmother called it) and therefore denying her children the same lifestyle. I can remember my pre-teens and teens as a constant battle to assert my independence and aspire to something better.

My parents took it for granted that I would get a working class job (shop or factory) marry a working class man and have a bunch of kids.

I did none of these things.

From the time I left home at 22 my parents had even less influence in my life. My grandmother was my main influence.

Oh yes. They taught me the world was fair and hard work brings rewards - what a laugh. Should have gone into law, but our horizons were SO very narrow then (1950's)

I didn't get the laminate floor I wanted, bacause my mum recoiled in horror when I showed her my choice.

Now I'm stuck, living with her choice instead.

Yes they got a cousin who worked at the University to look st my exam results. He told them I would not be clever enough to keep up with the course I had applied for.So I didn't go.

Oh yes, I wanted Sophie for my baby girl's name, but my mum said it sounded like something you sit on! So I chose Caroline instead, though I wasn't over keen at the time.

I was very close to all the elders in my family but there was very much the prevalent 'what's the point'? To this day I wish I had the enthusiasm many people have when they are elders to get out there and do things. Perhaps it was nature, or nuture, or both.