Declining mind or mental health? what sort of age?

Very good advice on here, particularly the effect of stress on cognition. I am 80 and want to keep my faculties as long as possible, I don't believe in taking medication unless I have to and I realise I am lucky in that I only take thyroxine. After some research I have decided to
start taking Vitamin B12, a really important requirement for keeping our brain functioning and helping to prevent cognitive decline. Have you had a blood test to check your levels, if not it might be worth asking the GP?

Glad you're starting to "see the wood from the trees". Cue for the stress obviously hasn't finished yet - as you're still waiting to solve the accommodation situation too. "This too will pass" is a useful phrase to remind oneself of.

Another thing I've been reminded of is if a "peripheral" person is causing stress = let them go. I was reminded of this by a 3rd letdown from someone (an alternative therapist in an area of the country where unreliability is accepted more than I'm used to it being....) and I just thought "2nd chances for her finish here and I'm not going to give her a chance to do this to me again. Make it short and sweet - but cut her off (politely)" and did just that.

So - if some peripheral person in your life is making a habit of treating you badly (eg unpunctual or something) = make it short and sweet, but let them go, rather than trying to change them to normal behaviour. Some people are not badly-intentioned - but they're just flakey or self-centred or something.

There is a useful acronym to consider with regard to a fall off of mental ability. Usually used for people living with dementia but fairly transferable.

P - is the person in pain
I - do they have an infectio
N - how is their nutrition
C - are they constipated
H - how is hydration
M - is there any medication having an adverse effect
E - is their current environment causing stress.

Fleurpepper

She probably had a few minor strokes, rather than dementia Cateq. Good you were able to visit her, and that she didn't have to live for many years, deteriorating and losing dignity and joy.

‘Mini’ strokes can be symptoms of the start of vascular dementia. In the case of my FiL, they certainly were. IIRC they’re called ischaemic attacks. His speech would be very garbled for a few days, but he’d recover - until the next.

Great advice! Relaxation techniques like mindfulness, meditation, and yoga can do wonders for clearing the mind and reducing stress. Taking time for self-care can really help regain clarity and calm.

There's some fabulous advice here. It's 3 friends in particular that are older than me (I only have half a dozen close-ish friends anyway) that I've noticed this in so it's a generalisation amongst my very small pool!

I definitely had underestimated the stress, but only because everyone around me seems to think divorce is not a big deal, something I wanted so therefore I need to crack on with it etc. I think the best thing I've taken from this thread is that my general wellbeing could get better as my situation improves. At the moment I'm in a temporary flat with disabled DD so it is very stressful indeed! I was worried this was a permanent decline.

I can definitely see myself in many of the situations people have described here, too many to quote individually, so thank you for sharing.

Yes, I agree with the others re the stress. But don’t underestimate, when you get older, the perils of living alone and the potential stress that can cause, along with failing eyesight or hearing (eg don’t turn down glasses or hearing aids if they’re recommended). The thyroid gland is also potentially a failure point - if you start to feel excessively tired, maybe gain weight too, it’s worth getting your thyroid checked out for hypothyroidism.
My mother suddenly developed psychosis (very very late onset schizophrenia) at 94, with no previous history, which has resulted in her being sectioned twice (there are specific wards in MH hospitals for elderly people but it’s still not nice for them). Rather terrifyingly, apparently, this is on the increase especially with elderly women and you can have this WITHOUT any signs of dementia………. there’s a potential link with falling oestrogens but probably it’s more likely to be brain-related deterioration that doesn’t cause the more common dementia or Alzheimer’s.
My mother is now home, finally agreeing to take medication (they don’t believe there’s anything wrong with them) and I have moved her near me.
Take care when living by yourself to ensure you have enough social activities and other things you enjoy doing preferably with other people.

Another practical point - ie having one's house organised to function as practically as possible. I know some people like a lot of keepsakes/ornaments/etc around and I guess I'm fortunate I am in the "time and motion conscious/plain tastes" camp. So - and it's taken time - I've been (still am) going through my house bit by bit to get it to function well. Yep...I've not got one single ornament/picture/etc in my house - which I know wouldnt be many peoples ways.

One of the biggest jobs I did organising my house was adding a mini-conservatory cum porch onto my house. In Wales I've found it's vital to have "somewhere" - so that myself and visitors can leave muddy footwear/wet clothing etc outside the house itself. Coming from a city and living in a small town now = I receive lots of goods by post since moving here and so it also functions as a place where deliveries can be left for me (I finally got the message over to deliverers that there isn't a "housewife" available in my house to be in for their deliveries - as I'm the only one that lives here and I won't wait in for them). So yep...mainly a big notice on the door of the conservatory left there for some weeks - until they'd all realised just to leave them and where. Also a useful place for starting off new plants I'm growing/leaving stuff for recycling bag/leaving stuff for taking to a charity shop.

So - yep....generally getting the house as organised as one's tastes will allow for.....and it's less stress to live in it.

There's a lot of excellent advice here.

Stress does awful things to your mind. Divorce is right up there on the stress scale. I know.

This it the time to treat yourself very kindly and gently. Take your time over everything you do. All the very best for a happy future.

I don't think we can generalise about this. People vary hugely.
At 87 I'm still looking after myself in every way, still mentally alert, still out and about , still coping reasonably well.
I get bouts of depression, but always have from time to time.

mabon1

Dementia can start very young much younger than 65. Go see your GP to ask for a memory test. Probably your problems are due to stress, but best check.

I work in a home for seniors. We have 3 residents who are just 60 and fully dement.

Try to accept that the divorce situation which lasts for quite a long time sorting things out causes major stress and that you are reacting quite normally. Dont worry about your memory problems or try not to , just see it as part of the situation at the moment. Write yourself notes, try and follow a simple pattern of jobs . Dont make any major decisions about moving or buying anything big and just try to coast along for a few months. When the stress gets less I think you will find yourself able to get back to more of your usual sense. Good luck

I seem to be the only one of my friends of similar age who has the least energy! We are all around the eighty mark. They go on coach tours, long walks etc. I changed my car recently and although excited to have it the excitement made me so anxious and agitated. I’m glad to say that has passed and I’m happy to go out in it without worrying about the gears or the brakes!! Illness recently has made me more vulnerable and what you have been through has been dreadful. It would be a miracle if you had come through that ordeal unscathed. See your dr but give yourself time to heal. Sending best wishes. X

Definitely see your doctor for a physical & mental evaluation.

Please don't rule out a UTI, even if you don't have any of the usual symptoms.
** A urinary tract infection (UTI) can cause symptoms that mimic dementia, especially in older people:

Keep mentally active- reading, puzzles, writing, creative pursuits like me sketching, crochet, sewing and cooking. Also,projects around the home - upcycling tired furniture, decorating, etc. This may banish some divorce blues and is very purposeful .U3A is said to be a boon. One lady I met was doing that in her 80s and was as sharp as a tack . If you don’t use it you may lose it was her mantra.

If you are worried have a health check. Depression even thyroid problems can often be misdiagnosed as dementia. Memory loss has nothing to do with age, early onset Dementia can happen at ANY age under 65, after that it is called Dementia but can present itself in so many different ways and not necessarily with memory loss. It totally depends on the type of Dementia if at all. To put your mind at rest make the appointment with your GP, just worrying about it will make you even more stressed. Fingers crossed it is stress related which you can do something about.

The Body Keeps the Score -mind, body, brain and the transformation of trauma -by Bessel Van Der Kolk

Our physical health is linked to our mental health. As HiusePlantQueen suggests - we need people, exercise and relaxation

Stress and anxiety have a terrible impact on the body. Think of your car; if you drove it at 70mph in first or second gear it would do a great deal of damage. Now that you are on the other side of your divorce, try to spend time doing things you like. Meet a friend, go for a walk, learn to relax properly. There are many online meditation or relaxation apps. This is not to dismiss your fears, but please acknowledge that stress is very harmful.

Madmeg

Stress is definitely an important factor. I'm typically well-organised, have a sharp memory, reliable and confident. But I recall four times in my life when my memory went out of the window. The first was in my forties when a close friend of similar age was told he had only weeks to live due to cancer. I drove home after the news and almost wiped another vehicle off the road. The second was in my early fifties when my dad was given the same prognosis. I developed very severe migraine for the first (and only time) in my life and forgot the route home - I had to phone a friend! The third was when my mum was diagnosed with dementia and despite me being very proactive in organising her care and finances, I could not cope with my own normal stuff. The latest one was during my own cancer treatment - from diagnosis in late 2023 and ongoing still (though I have had the "all clear"). I have struggled with appointments, medication, household chores, failing to complete my usual daily puzzles in the newspaper to watching tv (who is he? I am constantly asking my DH). So far I have assumed my struggles will be temporary, but I have lists of everything on my laptop and consult it daily (sometimes hourly!!).

By all means see your GP for reassurance, but I hope you (a) feel less stressed soon and (b) your difficulties start to improve.

🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

Esmay

There is no set age for mental decline .
If you are experiencing any forgetfulness it's most likely to be caused by stress .
Take it easy .
Do things which please you .
Don't forget an exercise class and do something which stimulates your brain .

Yes stress for sure

My friend has been diagnosed with dementia aged 58 😩
I feel the same since before COVID bad memory, depression. Helped mum look after my dad who had Alzheimer’s, sale of mums house & buying new property.
Dad died two weeks ago, buried on Thursday. So feel like have been put through the wringer 😩

I am well over 70. Owned and running the same Business for about 50 years (looking to sell soon) plus several Hobbies and a News Junky on top. I found the more physically and mentally active I am the better I am off. Short term memory is bad but I compensate with paper notebook and Pen.
Cheers

There is no set age for mental decline .
If you are experiencing any forgetfulness it's most likely to be caused by stress .
Take it easy .
Do things which please you .
Don't forget an exercise class and do something which stimulates your brain .

Stress is definitely an important factor. I'm typically well-organised, have a sharp memory, reliable and confident. But I recall four times in my life when my memory went out of the window. The first was in my forties when a close friend of similar age was told he had only weeks to live due to cancer. I drove home after the news and almost wiped another vehicle off the road. The second was in my early fifties when my dad was given the same prognosis. I developed very severe migraine for the first (and only time) in my life and forgot the route home - I had to phone a friend! The third was when my mum was diagnosed with dementia and despite me being very proactive in organising her care and finances, I could not cope with my own normal stuff. The latest one was during my own cancer treatment - from diagnosis in late 2023 and ongoing still (though I have had the "all clear"). I have struggled with appointments, medication, household chores, failing to complete my usual daily puzzles in the newspaper to watching tv (who is he? I am constantly asking my DH). So far I have assumed my struggles will be temporary, but I have lists of everything on my laptop and consult it daily (sometimes hourly!!).

By all means see your GP for reassurance, but I hope you (a) feel less stressed soon and (b) your difficulties start to improve.

Also useful would be to make a New Year's resolution to get as organised as possible.

I have managed to keep things somewhat under control at least in the last few stressful years by having 3 diaries:
1. An A4 page a day diary I started when I moved here and it began to strike me workmen here are not what I'm used to (eg reliable) and nor are my neighbours. So it's handy to have a whole A4 page for every day (except Saturdays and Sundays - which just get half A4 page each) to keep a note of it all.
2. A personal appointments diary.
3. A personal private journal for noting down one's feelings/actions etc re what is happening.

B. Lots of fridge magnets - and I keep lists stuck on my fridge and freezer doors of all sorts of useful stuff, eg: goods I'm expecting, what I'm doing (both my own stuff and otherwise) for the next week, shopping lists, etc.

C. I've started making out a list for the next week - on it notes are made re what housework I've allocated to a day, health appointments, workmen appointments, my own appointments (eg social life) and I can check what I'm due to do that day.

D. I'm refusing to do more than one body appointment per week if I possibly can (including hairdresser appointments) - so that most of my week is kept for me.

Any scrap of organisation going helps to "keep the basics going" in one's life imo and that helps reduce stress.