Small appetite in restaurants

Quite often, we just order two starters each. Much smaller portions and even 2 is sometimes less food than one man course.

As for wine. One glass is quite enough, perhaps you ccould order a soft drink after your glass of wine

But, life is too short to waste time on any 'friend' who makes your meet-ups uncomfortable for you.

valdavi

I don't mind about how many courses someone I'm meeting for lunch has. I did have a friend who would order 3 courses & only nibble at each. I hate wasting food & the time she ordered a lovely chocolate dessert & didn't even taste it because she didn't like the look of it was torture! I so badly wanted to say "if you don't want it, can I have it?" but that would have been totally non-U but it distracted me terribly until the waiter took it away.

I would have said "do you mind if I try the cake? I think it looks delicious. "
I am also small eater and usually only order a starter for my main meal. If I order a main then I usually end up taking 1/2 of it home for lunch the next day.

A friend of mine asks for a couple of starters instead of a main meal, then if she's still hungry, has a pud 😋

Good idea gulligranny - less formal too.

My DH and I rarely eat out now, and definitely not in the evening as portions are too large, although we do enjoy visits to our local Cote as they don't overpile their plates.

I lunch out with friends but usually have just a sandwich or wrap, and we might share a slice of cake. We often meet at garden centres, earlyish, as several near us do rather nice breakfast/brunch dishes, all of which are quite small and reasonably priced, so perhaps "brunch" might be an option, Stoker 48?

If I am not overly hungry I will have a starter, then order a different starter for my main.

DH and I often share a starter, then share side dishes with our main courses.

It must be horrible if you are made to feel uncomfortable over dinner/lunch by your companions.

I remember my aunt always complaining about large portions ( among many other things!), and would tell her to leave what she didn’t want, but recently I have found that a big plateful can be off-putting.
Sorry, Auntie.

I feel for your friend to be truthful.

My mother-in-law eats like a bird and it is uncomfortable if you have gone out to somewhere as a treat for her because it feels (quite unreasonably) as though it wasn't a very good treat after all.

Because we normally eat later (about 7.30 these days) having a meal out at lunchtime or very early evening is definitely done to fit in with her preferences. Also, it impacts on the sort of meal. You cannot have (say) a tasting menu or easily go somewhere where the food is artistry - frankly because it seems a waste.
If it's really just for the company, as someone said upthread, why not do "coffee and a bun" instead?

We don't normally eat out much. So when we do we like the whole experience of doing so and enjoy the ambience, being looked after, a great wine list, the beauty and inventiveness of the meals on offer. It is not usually just meeting for a conversation (however jolly).

It's nice to actually discuss the food you are eating and the merits/ ingredients/ provenance/ what it reminds you of etc. This is part of eating out to me.

I would definitely suggest two starters or a starter (as a main) and a pudding. At least you are eating twice and have two foodie things to discuss. And you will make your friend feel less uncomfortable too.

Say to them, I don't bully you to stop eating so please don't bully me to keep eating !

Maybe you could have two small starters instead of a main meal. One served with her starter and one with her main meal, then a coffee while she has her dessert.
I don't always want a large main meal and sometimes prefer to do this.
If she can't accept this then it's time to call it a day.
Good luck

I think you just need to tell her.

'Evelyn dear, you go ahead and enjoy all three courses, but I feel uncomfortably full it I do the same. I'm quite content with one course and happy to visit while you enjoy your meal."

Many restaurants do small plates these days. Otherwise if I didn’t want three courses plus alcohol I would not go and tell my friend why. If she’s a close friend she will understand.

No, it wouldn't bother me at all. They are not very friendly if they make you feel uncomfortable are they?

When I go out for a meal with friends we generally only have mains with drinks, I have GERD so can’t eat too much and another member of the group is trying hard to lose weight all the time due to health problems.
I think is rude to put pressure on someone e to eat, just say jokingly before you sit down to eat that ‘no’ you are not having multiple courses but ‘yes’ you will enjoy a main in good company and would like to leave it at that.
All the best 🌺🙏🏾

My brother always orders two starters rather than a main. Smaller portions which they bring up at the same time. A good idea I think.

Your friend is rude.

Nevertheless, if you want to keep meeting her for meals you could order two successive starters, one for each course. Or have a starter and a dessert.

Stoker48

I have a friend who I occasionally go out for a meal with.
My appetite is small so I generally only go for main course. They like 2 or 3 plus a glass of wine. I occasionally have a glass but not always.
No problem with me. I just chat in a relaxed manner whether I’m eating or not. There’s no time restraints.
However, they make really pointed comments such as “ I feel uncomfortable… why don’t you have another course, a glass of wine etc etc.”
I often go out for meals. Sometimes one to one, sometimes in groups but this is the only person who makes an issue of it.
I ve tried to raise the point gently but they get very defensive and sharp tongued.
Going out with them for lunch shortly and I’m already feeling anxious. What should be a happy occasion is fraught and I tense up which makes me have even less of an appetite!!
Just made the decision that, if this happens again, I will only go out with them in a group.
Out of interest, would you get annoyed with fellow diner? We have known each other for many years….
Thank you

I would be inclined to have a couple of starters instead. or a starter and a dessert It is not nice eating on your own, so I sort of understand where your friend is coming from, other than that eat really slowly and tell the waitress to go ahead and bring your friends' next course, whilst you are still eating your main course. I would never get annoyed with a friend over something like that, just talk it through when you order. Each to their own.

I don't see why your friend has a problem with your choice of meal. I only have a main course unless there is a good choice of starter and dessert, in which case, I skip the main and ask for my starter at the same time as the mains come out.
When DH and I go out for a meal we often share a meal. Some restaurants will even give you a much smaller meal if you ask. Worth checking this out before you go.

Well I also find a main course increasingly too much for me so wouldn’t opt for anything else…and maybe a glass of wine if I feel like it. BUt each to their own. I have friends who eat and drink very differently to me and we just tolerate each other. Given she is an old friend, if she’s like this again, I think I’d suggest very nicely, that next time, you meet for tea, coffee, or perhaps a brunch somewhere. You don’t need to put up with her comments and I assume she makes them really, because it makes her feel like she’s over indulging.

I generally order two starters. One for a starter and the other for a main. That way I keep pace with my husband or friend but don’t waste food or leave the table feeling over full.
As for wine, I still drink it but order a 125ml. Works for me.

I often go out for lunch and we all consider it perfectly acceptable to eat either a starter as a main course, or just to have one course. Usually we share a dessert, just ask for 2 plates or 2 spoons. We certainly wouldn't mind finishing off someone's uneaten dessert either. We wouldn't dream of trying to persuade our friends to eat more than they need.
I don't drink on an empty stomach, but would just ask for a soft drink or alcohol free GandT. It's more often the men that seem to find this worth commenting on, never my lady friends. I just tell them that I can't drink on an empty stomach.
So yes it would annoy me, but it's not really something I encounter.
I do object to splitting the bill in those circumstances though, and would ask for separate bills

She’s a bully! You could equally comment in her gluttony but you don’t. You are nicer than I am as I’d be tempted to say something rude.

I dont eat much if/when i go out. I ignore any bullying comments which is what it is. I WILL NOT BE BULLIED and will say exactly that out loud.

Sounds like this has been going on for a long while.

Time to 'exhale' and just laugh off their comments... but I do understand how it might become an irritant over time.

GO OUT ... IGNORE AND ENJOY!!!

Because the portions are so big we ordered two child-sized Scottish breakfasts recently in a cafe in Perth, which was fine. When it came to the table the waiter (blushing) said he was to ask us if we had done this before in their cafe. We said yes, as we had. We were then told that he was new and the chefs had said in no uncertain terms that we should never do that again, as children's sized meals were only for children! We felt like bad school kids!