Would you bother??

I give my children money to buy a gift on my behalf for grandkids because I wouldn’t have a clue! 2 of my sons always let me know what they have bought and their children always thank us. The other 2 never tell me and it seems to get swallowed up amongst the enormous amount of gifts children seem to expect these days. I have actually thought about buying a family gift because I think they are far better off financially than us but still hesitant because even though I sometimes get miffed I feel at least I am contributing!

Hello Astitchintime that is so sad. But so very rude too.
Please just stop giving any more, and don't feel guilty about it. There is no need to say anything either to her, or her parents.
I would not continue to give gifts to anyone who does not even acknowledge you via a text, or in person. To be totally blanked like that is awful, so just stop, and please, don't feel guilty either.

This seems to be common.
I had trouble with one of my sons showing his gratitude to my father, especially when he was given his gt grandmother’s scrap book on the state funeral of my gt uncle. He was only given it as he was in the same occupation and about to work in Australia , where the man lived with his family. My poor father regretted giving my son the scrap book in the end.

I had this for years with a goddaughter, I never knew if my gifts had got there. In the end I wrote to her (she was about 16 then) , and gently pointed out that I would appreciate a letter. I was then accused of upsetting her, by her parents! I gave her one more gift for her confirmation and then stopped.

Nope, I wouldn’t bother now, obviously not bothered about you

To give this some context, my own grandson always thanks me and will often message to say he's popping round to take me out for a coffee. Even his mum didn't know he was doing this until I told her, not that it was a secret, he is just such a kind soul.

Just quietly stop, no fuss or drama - say nothing.

Doodledog

If you transferred the money, did you send a card or otherwise let her know that you'd done so?

Not everyone checks their bank account regularly, so maybe she didn't notice?

Yes, she had a birthday card which was sent in the post and as I didn't have her mobile number I messaged her Dad to say I would transfer the money on her birthday............she also had money for Christmas. In the New Year I messaged her dad again to check that she had received the cash - they all do online banking so not seeing it wasn't an excuse; he said he would check but to this day I haven't heard either way.

I don't think age really comes into it. It's a question of whether your gift is appreciated that matters, so if a 16 year old can't be bothered to tap the speed dial and say thank you, the present would stop for me, but if a 28 year old still finds the time to contact me in any way and show appreciation then I'm happy to make the effort to choose a gift and get it to them.

I no longer give gifts to young people unless I am seeing them in person. Very often they don’t know who you are and, although the cash is nice, they probably wouldn’t care if you didn’t send it. By only giving in person they can at least put a face to a name.

I’d stop now if she’s not had the decency to thank you or acknowledge you.

Reduce this year's amount and stop altogether next year. She should least have the decency to acknowledge you when she sees you. Rude madam. Enjoy spending the money on yourself.

I stopped buying for my grandchildren when they stopped thanking me. Christmas and Birthday. The final nail was one Christmas at my daughter’s . I handed a present to my granddaughter she smiled and put it to on side. I never saw her opening it. I get on really well with the children but won’t be taken for granted.

I wouldn't bother giving anything.
Interesting to see if she communicates then. Or am I being cynical?

I agree just stop at 18. A lot of teens nowadays have well paid little jobs my grandson 18 has an after school job with Tesco £12 an hour

Just stop.... no explanation necessary and no guilt necessary.

Obviously your gift was not appreciated or needed.

Why is it that their parents are not making their kids sent a thank you note, or phone or text !! If they can't be bothered, why should you!!

Merry Christmas~~

If you transferred the money, did you send a card or otherwise let her know that you'd done so?

Not everyone checks their bank account regularly, so maybe she didn't notice?

Don’t bother, it doesn’t take much to just say thank you!

Young people do not send thank you letters or cards. I Bought many pieces of clothes, nappies, baby lotion, baby shampoo, etc, loads of it, for my newborn great-grandson and gave an envelope with a substantial sum of money when they visited my home. They didn't bother to open any of the gifts of the envelope. This was October, and I have yet to receive a thank you. I will deal with them in my own way. The baby receives a Christmas gift, but the parents just a greeting card. They also told me that "on this occasion the clothes will be accepted, but you must ask us what we want in the future". There is no point telling my son ( the father of grandson) that he hasn't sent a thank, it's too late and it would only cause trouble. I keep my own counsel.

I gave to nieces and nephews on both sides until they were 18 and also gave a 21st gift. My brothers did the same with kids Xmas and birthday upto 18 then only on big birthdays. However, my DH’s only brother never bothered to give 3 of our children once my MiL took ill, they ignored my middle sons 18 even though it was 2 days after we were told she was terminally ill. They ate the birthday cake and dumpling we’d taken to her whilst she was in hospital. They then had the nerve to ask my DH to give their granddaughter a share of my DH’s inheritance. We’ve never spoken to them since.

I think if she actually ignores you then I just would not bother, it's plain rude. Difficult to stop gifting I know but does seem to be sensible.
I have a dilemma in that my brother sends gifts to my son and his child. Likewise I have always sent gifts to my brothers son and his child. Never in over 25 yrs have I received a thank you card or Christmas card or any sort of acknowledgement that gift has been received from the son but the really upsetting thing is that he didn't even send a sympathy card when my DH passed away. I really do not want to send a gift this year although will always send to the child but don't want to upset brother.

And if letter writing is ‘too onerous’, well, pick up the phone and give the relative a quick ‘thank you’ call,

Yes, MickyD, there is that possibility. But it's still bad manners for her not to both say thank you ,and also to tell why she feels offended.
She may have a legitimate reason to feel offended, and if that is the case it's the young woman's moral responsibility to tell Stitch why she feels offended.

Buddleja

Might she be depressed?

She might be if she realises the gifts have stopped.

Yes I would stop.. Rude ungrateful and just bad manners.