Conundrum concerning my aunt. Advice please

JamesandJon33

Sago yes I have POA .
Changing the locks or getting new bank card would upset my aunt dreadfully. She seems to rely completely on this lady.
Yes my aunt has always visited us and my parents when they were alive.

As POA you have a duty to protect your Aunts assets.

You will have to upset her.

Speak with a Solicitor about what you think may be going on.

Install cameras if they are legal.

Further inform the Bank about what you suspect.

I personally would go all out on this.

I said before that I had retrieved the card and keys, and had explained to my aunt and her friend why. My aunt , who is frail but completely with us, asked for her keys back. I could not refuse. She gave them to her friend again. I have been told that even though I have POA, my aunt can still, as her mind is completely well act as she pleases.

This friend could just be helping out at your aunts behest, if as you say your aunt has always been a bit lazy is entirely possible she thinks nothing of asking others to do things for her, she has probably done this all
her life. But this friend shouldn’t have agreed to take the debit card and keys, if she is a good friend she should have refused or at the very least contacted you to see if this is an ok arrangement, which it isn’t.
Instead of talking to your aunt would talk to the friend and explain that from now on you don’t want her to use your aunts card or house keys, and if there is anything your aunt needs help with this friend should contact you if your aunt doesn’t do so first.
No need to do this on an antagonistic way, thank her for any help she has given to your aunt - hoping that she hasn’t also helped herself - but that from now on you would like her to leave the debit card and keys alone. If she gets the hump so be it. And if your aunt gets the hump just put up with it for now. Easier this way than finding out that this ‘friend’ is fleecing your aunt.
All the best.

Alarm bells alright! Hopefully you can put a stop to this woman's 'friendship' before she slips your aunt a piece of paper "that just needs your signature......." and it turns out to be a will leaving the lot to her!

It happens and could be a nightmare trying to contest it.

Again, change the locks and bank card - not telling your aunt - also agree with installing security cameras so you can monitor anyone visiting aunts house. Get some advice with this problem. Your aunt is vulnerable.

JamesandJon33, would it be possible to add another lock to the gate and keep the key yourselves? This might restrict access to aunts house for a while surely.
Also, I think I would be inclined to speak to a solicitor, if you have concerns why not speak to the police too?
As others have said, better a cross aunt than one who is totally ripped off by a third party.
Good luck, I do hope you get matters resolved

It is easy to think elderly relatives are naive But are they always
A friends mother had retired to a seaside village My friend lived dome 250 miles away. Her mum was befriended by a local woman who from the sound of things was very helpful Eventually her mum made her an executor of her will My friend was very suspicious especially as she was informed that this woman had mentioned about inheriting a house
The will stipulated it was to be read after the funeral and who was to be present
As the various recipients were named in turn
The last to be named was the woman who befriended her
She was left only one thousand pounds and she apparently stormed out
You may ask who was taking advantage of whom
But I agree many people living on their own and not just the elderly are befriended, groomed and swindled out of all sorts

Cossy. We did that almost immediately. We also locked the back gate and took the keys from the key safe as heaps of people knew the combination. But my aunt gave keys back and someone unlocked the back gate.
My aunt is very reliant on this person, and she is overly possessive of my aunt. It may of course be quite innocent, as someone up thread said we shall have to be increasingly vigilant., but I have always had a’feeling’ about this woman….

Btw, with your Aunt’s consent I would take away anything of value, financial or emotionally, and keep them safe.

Simply tell your Aunt the police advise this as the house isn’t lived in. No need to mention the woman. You could also consider putting in motion sensor cameras, you can get reasonably priced ones which can be set up yourself and can be very small so not noticeable.

Please risk upsetting your Aunt and “investigate” this woman’s motives.

A very close friend of mine had a neighbour completely scammed by a couple who “befriended” her, groomed her and stole from her. It’s was most upsetting.

James andJOn33. You have a power of attorney. Just change the locks and cards and do not tell your aunt.

I would also discuss this problem with her solicitor she/he will be able to advise you.

I held power of attorney for an uncle. I commissioned some necessary building work before I put the house on the market, that increased its value and made it easier to sell. I did not tell him and although I always gave him the monthly accounts, which had details of the work, he refusd to look at them.

*Romola My aunt’s will is with me. She has just asked to add a codicil, to increase a bequest to this lady.

There are people , who latch onto vulnerable people and are entrusted with their house and belongings .
In exchange , they are getting attention . They won't admit to being lonely and ill health ,frustration and sheer boredom ensue .
It's probably genuine at first and then , the danger is that they can be exploited .

I've visited one of my elderly ladies in the New Year with flowers .
She complained non stop about her daughter , who was cooking her supper having gone shopping and cleaned .
She has countless medical appointments and each time she's taken by her daughter
She lives on the coast and drives up to spend most of the week with her .
She employs a carer on the days when she's working .
When the daughter talked her mother rolled her eyes continually and she's claiming that she's left on her own six days a week -
which I know from my visits is completely untrue .
This lady has also phoned me to complain about her .
And on one occasion did so much shouting and screaming that she was frightened that her immediate neighbour would call the Police .

One particular carer is coming in three mornings a week to clean and cook her lunch .
This carer is a paragon of virtue and so better better than her daughter is .

I went through this with my father .
He used to regularly complain about me to visitors even when I was in the same room !
One visitors told him that she hopes that when she needs help that one of her daughters will give up everything to care for her 24 /7 .
And the GP said much the same thing .

As you have POA - fortunately the ball is in your court .
You can take steps to protect her even if it doesn't go down well .
Wishing you luck with this .

I’d rather risk an upset Aunt than a ripped off one, sounds like she may have been groomed, things don’t go missing on their own
Do you know anything of this persons background?

If you have POA I would consult a solicitor or everything will be gone it did for my aunt she befriended her carer who stole every penny and every item that had value We could do nothing as we didn’t have POA or any proof that they weren’t willingly given

What about your aunt's will?

Thank you ladies. Trouble is my aunt, although frail, is very bright and intelligent. She is quite able to use her own card, but cannot understand computers , and cannot get out to use her own bank card. She is entitled to have that card . We do have her bank account online and monitor it regularly.

I can see that it's difficult for you, but which is the bigger problem? Should you safeguard your aunt's belongings and money by taking charge of the keys and bank card and risk upsetting her, or let this other lady potentially swindle her?

I think, especially as you have POA, you need to look after your aunt's interests first. Maybe you can smooth things over a bit with the excuse of selling the house and needing the keys etc. Otherwise, I'd change the locks. You could fit simple security cameras inside the house - the ones that send an alert to your phone when triggered.That would give you some idea of what's going on - and evidence if needed.

I would definitely keep track by online banking, then you can see what the card is being used for. I would also consider installing a camera or two in the house, that would give an added level of security too for when your Aunt is alone in the house. If you can take photos of each room that would be helpful too so that any missing items will be noted, the same with jewellery.

I know much of this is unpalatable with honest people but at the end of the day, not everyone is honest, are they ? We had much the same problem with an elderly relative but sadly all the issues only came to light after they died. I hope you find a way forward.

Sago yes I have POA .
Changing the locks or getting new bank card would upset my aunt dreadfully. She seems to rely completely on this lady.
Yes my aunt has always visited us and my parents when they were alive.

Depends what things have gone missing. Jewellery or other things if value, or just a few knick-knacks? It sounds as if your aunt's friend may be taking advantage of the situation, or it may be entirely innocent. I would ask for the keys and bank card back and keep them. As Sago suggested, changing the locks would be sensible. Good luck.

If you are selling her home then presumably you have POA.
If you have POA you can get the bank to issue new cards and you can change the locks on the house.

have you always been in contact with your old aunt, seen her regularly etc etc.
I suppose the new friend could be giving her friendship.
very worrying about the keys though.