Wedding photos

How about a compromise? Say that you will be in the group photo where you can slip through to the back and then you will have to suck it up and be in a photo with the bride and groom and the other set of parents and then you can put your foot down and say no more photos. That will be your promise to them and theirs will be no more photos of you. You won't be able to escape other guests accidentally snapping you but you do need to be in those two formal photos. And as someone else has suggested, practice your photo face and how to stand, look on YouTube for tips.
In my daughter's wedding photos I look like a turquoise brick (shift dress) but everyone complimented me on my dress, there is also a photo from my sister's wedding where I look like Les Dawson with my arm just under one boob lifting it slightly and my mouth in a clamped straight line just like him and Roy Kinnear doing their gossiping neighbours sketch... I loathe that photo but it's out there now.

I haven’t read the full thread, but in response to the OP, I think it’s lovely your future DIL wants to ensure you are forever a visible figure on what will be the most important day of her and your son’s lives to date. She doesn’t want you missing from those memories. Maybe take the most important ones and avoid the rest. Compromise is just what we do for our loved ones.

I sympathise with you. Good photos of me are rare. But a wedding should be a happy occasion. If you're wearing nice outfit, a professional photographer can make swans of us all!! hint - as grooms mother you can wear a larger hat to hide under. Which is what I did for our family wedding!

When I was working, every year we had to have our photo taken, to be displayed at the entrance of the school.
I always found an excuse not to have it taken. Consequently, my displayed photo was years old.
I am not at all photogenic and some of the staff were particularly stunning.

Marydoll

I don't like getting my photo taken. However, I would not have dreamt of upsetting my children by not being in their wedding photos.

Sorry to be blunt, but it is their day, not yours. Do you raelly want to spoil the memory by either not being in the photos or even worse, not going at all.
It certainly doesn't bode well for your future relationship with your DIL

I agree with this. I don't photograph well, but being in a group of people won't kill you - and will give your son happy memories of you. So buy an outfit that you feel comfortable in, try to look pleasant (you don't have to grin) and accept being in a few group pictures...!

The "casual" photos at the two weddings I've been to recently seem to focus on anyone who's very animated!
Mainly young people!

I also hate having my photograph taken. My son is getting married this year. I wouldn't dream of making a scene about being on the photographs. It is their day, not mine.

I don't like looking at myself at all, especially as I have got older. I avoid my reflection in shop windows, mirrors etc. We have friends who post photos of themselves on social media all the time. They are constantly taking photos when we are out with them. I have told them not to take or post any pictures of me.

There is lots of info online and on YouTube on how to pose etc. to look better on photographs. An earlier poster has mentioned some e.g. don't stand straight on, don't smile to widely as it will scrunch up your eyes. I am going to look at this advice in more detail and apply it.

I think photographs take up less time with families than they used to. I have been surprised at more recent weddings how little the parents feature in them. I know I look lousy in a photograph but it's not just they are trying to avoid photographing me, I've noticed it at weddings where I am not the mother!!! 🤣🤣

Smileless2012 Have you talked to your son about this Lizziethelab? Apologies if you've said you have and I've missed it.

I couldn't work out if your son cares. Perhaps ask him?

Are wedding photos ever viewed after the wedding?

The mother of the groom won't be in many photos, just family groups then a large group shot.

Wedding photography has changed immensely over the years since we got married and there were about 20 posed shots to choose from. In black and white!

Flappergirl, I don’t know about ‘making a scene’, but the taking of photos is time-consuming enough without having to cajole someone into being in the photos, or having to talk them out of the bathroom! ( An exaggeration, obviously)
Can I suggest just a quiet word with your son, and ask him if all the photos you have to be in are done first, then at least you’re off the hook quickly, and nobody need be any the wiser?

I agree with other posters. You're making the day all about you when it should be about your son and his new bride. It's causing unnecessary drama and upset which will undoubtedly damage your future relationship with them. I also find it hard to believe that you aren't usually an anxious person if you're prepared to make a scene about this one issue. I look sub human on photos but I wouldn't upset my son and his future wife over it. I'm wondering whether there's more to this. Do you resent his fiancee? Are you playing some sort of power game with her? If you are, I can assure you that you will be the one to lose.

Have you talked to your son about this Lizziethelab? Apologies if you've said you have and I've missed it.

You could say that you'll limit the number of photos you appear on for example one with the groom and his parents, one with the bride and groom and both sets of parents and one group photo.

theworriedwell

Lathyrus3

Hmm I knew someone who didn’t go to her sons wedding because there was something she didn’t like in the arrangements, that made her uncomfortable.

It was the start of a rift that was never healed.

I didn't go to my son's wedding as it was abroad, long haul, and I chose not to go. Never caused a problem.

I’m sure they understood the difficulties in long haul and why you couldn’t make it.

It’s a bit different to not going because you don’t want to be in their photos. That’s really hurtful somehow.

I think long-haul is a good "excuse" though!

Lathyrus3

Hmm I knew someone who didn’t go to her sons wedding because there was something she didn’t like in the arrangements, that made her uncomfortable.

It was the start of a rift that was never healed.

I didn't go to my son's wedding as it was abroad, long haul, and I chose not to go. Never caused a problem.

As others have said, it’s more for your son’s special occasion that you should be in his wedding photos. He will want to show them to his children and maybe his grandchildren one day. Try standing side on to the camera. It can make a more flattering picture. Try NOT to look at the camera - gaze at something in the distance over the photographer’s shoulder. A good photographer will understand your dilemma and suggest some alternative poses. Try to relax and keep a happy relaxed frame of mind. Casual shots will look better too. Have a lovely day .

ok, so splash out on a fab outfit and new make up to boost your confidence then find out the best way to pose to make you look your best. Apparently standing slightly sideways with one foot forward and standing tall with your head up is good (my daughter did some wedding photography)
Just make the best of yourself and go for it.

* ViceVersa* I do understand why you may feel that way and I used to suffer in the same why. However, letting someone steal my self-esteem for the rest of my life makes them the winner. I have forced myself to over-ride the narrative in my head and although it was really hard at first, it does get easier. I'd be a liar if I said it was completely gone but the thought of somebody's thoughtlessness or viciousness making my life a misery makes me determined.

Well, I think I look just dreadful in photos, if it's any consolation.

If I worried about it, I'd never go out.

Allira

The remark about my hat wasn't meant to be unkind, at least that's not how I took it. I think she meant I looked very smart and Royal 😂 👸

Yes, but those judgemental comments can really hurt
I really think you shouldn't take such judgemental comments so seriously because they're unkind and say more about the person making them than about you and your photographs.

That may be so, but some of us are just more sensitive about these things than others. Comes from a lifetime of being told you're never good enough in one way or another.

The remark about my hat wasn't meant to be unkind, at least that's not how I took it. I think she meant I looked very smart and Royal 😂 👸

Yes, but those judgemental comments can really hurt
I really think you shouldn't take such judgemental comments so seriously because they're unkind and say more about the person making them than about you and your photographs.

Allira

Well, only if they're judgemental and therefore their opinion is not worth consideration.

Did you read my earlier post about my hat?
I can laugh now but thought at the time I must have been looking ancient.

Yes, but those judgemental comments can really hurt.

The wedding pictures are a piece of family history, so it would be sad if the parents weren’t in one. The only ‘ official ‘ ones that DH and I are in are one with DD and S in L, and one of the main party ie bride, groom, attendants and both sets of parents. Hopefully, this would be manageable.

That reply was to ViceVersa