I’ve met someone

I am a great believer in a woman's instincts. I am so impressed you have remained sober - congratulations 👏👏👏. Trust your self and your gut feeling. I wish you the very best for your future.

Thank you Shelflife. Thankfully I’m in a place now where I can trust my gut instincts - never paid any attention to them before and it got me into all sorts of grief!

Rocking the boat !

Very well done for remaining sober. You have come so far and are now very content with your life - is it worth ticking the boat! Reading between the lines in your post I have the feeling you know what to do and have made your mind up - follow your instincts! As you say ' you don't want to muddy the clear waters ' please look after yourself! 💐💐💐

All brilliant and thoughtful advice 🙏 He has long continuous sobriety and is well-liked so knows how important it is for us alkies to maintain our emotional sobriety. If he pushes I’ll just be honest about how I feel. There is a rule in AA not to enter a relationship for at least a year since achieving sobriety. It’s there for good reason. I can’t afford to muddy the calm, clear waters I have fought so hard to find and really, I’m still very new to this.

Can you just stay as friends?
Just meeting up in the ‘rooms’ and perhaps going out for lunch with a small group. Don’t encourage anything more or he might think you are interested in a relationship.

I'm the same age. have been on my own 8 years now and could never imagine being in a relationship. I understand your caution although I am not an alcoholic, I have worked hard at rebuilding my life after a series of sometimes disastrous relationships.
We are all emotionally fragile at times, but if this were me I would ask myself one question- will this man bring something I don't presently have into my life?
The dilemma is we never really know until they are in our lives, and then the niggles may start...
I wish I knew how to give advice on this one, but I don't except to say be completely honest with him and yourself, and don't jump too far ahead. He may be thinking exactly the same thoughts as you but there's only one way to find out and that is to ask him...
I wish you all the best whatever.

Definitely talk to your sponsor they know you better than anyone on GN as you say you are projecting on this. Hopefully the other person has long time continuous sobriety and will understand your fears.
You are relatively new to your journey take your time.

Please be careful - I think your sobriety is a top priority as two years is amazing but two years and a day, a week, a month is obviously your goal.
As Susan suggested maybe have a chat with your sponsor/mentor.

Whatever you do please don't jeopardise yourself.

The thought of ever being in a relationship again just doesn’t appeal because of everything I’ve been through in the past and how peaceful I am now.

This is important. Do you think there may be a time in the future when you might feel "ready". You say I’m already projecting and thinking this will take over so obviously concerned.

When someone pushes us I think we know in our hearts there is possible danger - and of course danger in itself is often attractive for the buzz of the (slightly) scary!

How long has he been sober/clean? Do you have family- and are they supporting you? Would it cause damage to the most precious other relationships in your life?

Normally I wouldn't be so cagey - but clearly you do feel wary. Maybe one day you will become more confident about him. Just don't rush into it.
If he is the right one he will respect you enough to just wait a while without pushing you. Don't forget he is vulnerable too - and maybe desperately needs someone to trust and believe in him. Maybe his support outside the room makes him needy? I don't doubt he is attracted to you in your new shining self!

I think support him in The room and continue to be wary outside it.
🌻

Much love to you Whiff. I’m glad you’re happy. The thought of sharing my bed with anyone other than my dog horrifies me! And I recently swapped my king size for a small double so there wouldn’t be room anyway!

Thank you Susan, what a beautiful post.
I do have a mentor (sponsor) so will discuss it with her. I do have a feeling he’ll understand if I make it clear what I can manage.

First I know how had it is to stop drinking. I had an uncle who was an alcoholic. But once sober he always says he was an alcoholic as it would take one drink to send off the rails . It cost him his marriage and children. He's son never forgave him, but his daughter was 8 years younger and connected with her dad when she was an adult .

After his marriage he never had another relationship. He always said he needed to be in control of his life and routine. It's how it kept him sober.

You can have a relationship with this man without sex . But you have to tell him it's not on the cards . If you don't want it to go that far. If he truly cares about you he will be content to have a platonic relationship. But you need to talk to him and explain you have your own life and routine and it's how you like to live your life .

I was widowed 21 years ago aged 45 my husband was 47. I had been with him since I was 16 he was 18. The thought of being on my own terrified me. But I decided no one could compare to my husband. Over the years had my chance but said no . I am set in my ways and love my life. I do like talking to men but that's as far as I want to go. I will be 67 this week.

Good luck with what you decide.

I think you have worked very hard to get to this point in your life where you are content.I think you need to put yourself and your feelings first.Tell him a companion you see a couple of times a week is what you can manage.If he can’t accept this then he is not respecting you.Do you have a mentor you can discuss this with.

I think you have done so well to get to this point in life and you deserve your contentment.