Need some help

I really feel for you. I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I told them in no uncertain terms to sort themselves out but I got dragged back in for reasons I don't want to reveal here.

Now, again I am having to step away. It is the only way to survive. The issue for me and for you I suspect is what happens to the grandchildren, but again that is a sacrifice you have to make.

You should move back to your own home and find some support from friends and people who are there for you because your son just isn't right now. He may be in the future but no matter how hard it is you have to step away and let them take the responsibilty for their actions. Whatever befalls and however tough it gets, it is not your fault.

I really wish you well.

Yes I agree. He just came to me and asked advice. I simply said You perhaps need to make some decisions. He became adjittated and confrontational Which makes me feel He appreciates nothing and has no respect for me

Usually, I too would say "don't get involved" but that is no help here, as you are involved.

In your place, I would move back home right now, having politely told both son and daughter-in-law that I have problems of my own to deal with and am sadly unable to help them.

If they both want to stay together, then they do need a marriage counsellor as the set-up you describe is very hard indeed, and I doubt talking about it with close friends or relatives helps in the slightest.

Thank you so much

I have tried to stay well out 9f the arguments

But it seems. If I am present It does not escalate

He loves her very much but she acts. Like she doesn't live him

She has made the cheating mistake

He was sent that by a friend to look at how they were bring together when in a club

He is trying. Th8nk she is too

But she takes things to the extreme with the way she speaks to him

I have been asked to stay for a while to allow them time if they need it. As they have three children

I am still here 2 weeks later

I have had issues of my own recently

Trying to make it all work for me. After my husband passed in 2020

So haven't been around for anyone

I've just come out of the woods. And everyone's life is crumbling

This is a truly horrible situation for all of you, Carmen - and all I think you can do is "be there" kindly and without judgement for when he needs you.

I am sure there's nothing you can really "do" but have you got any support?

Here are some links to consider - NHS, SHOUT, Samaritans - please look after yourself as well as being there for him. Encourage him to seek help.


www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-harm/supporting-someone-who-self-harms/

www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/behaviours/self-harm/getting-help/

www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/
and
www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-worried-about-someone-else/how-can-i-support-someone-who-has-self-harmed/

www.giveusashout.org/

Thinking of you.

Sadly, there is nothing you can do. The worst thing you can do, as Homestead says is get involved in any way or be seen to taking sides.

Offer your son your love and listen when he wants to talk or cry on your shoulder, but do not bad-mouth your DiL.

You are in a horrid situation and have all my sympathy, but by far the best thing you can do in this situation is - do nothing.

Don't get involved, it's purely their business and for both of them to sort out. Say nothing, just listen if needed. Whatever you say will be remembered. Let them get on with it.

I think they have to decide if they want to see a marriage counselor. The best thing you can do is find one who might help them, then they can decide if they want to continue the relationship. Self harm is not the way to solve these issues. He should care about you, too. Maybe she us not "the one".

Thank you