Should phone calls be private?

I have one friend who drives me mad, forever on the phone to her daughter when we meet, that wouldn't be so bad if the daughter didn't actually live with her, I'm forever thinking "you'll see her when she's home from work why do you speak several times a day beforehand" I speak on the phone with mine once a week, twice at the most, unless they come for the night or weekend, then we save the conversations up.

SueDonim

It’s rude to do that in public unless it’s an emergency. Has the person at the other end consented to their words being broadcast to a wide audience?

I don’t even like taking a private call when I’m with others, I’ll either leave the room or tell the person I’ll call them back later.

That sums up my take on this too....and I'm thinking very uncharitable comments about the manners (lack thereof) of people who take/make phonecalls when with someone else. Also it's obvious to me that a phonecall is between two people and there shouldnt be a third one listening in (still less joining in).

I know I've got a very long-term good friend that did this - but it was an annoyance I didn't dare mention that our two-way phone conversation would often get turned into a three-way one by her husband joining in. I would grit my teeth on that aspect and say nowt - as I know they had a very "evangelical Christian" take on marriage (ie no privacy between the partners and him being seen as having a "leading role" between the two of them) - whereas I'm liberal/modern/a person in my own right etc. So nowt was said and I made the best of it and I guess it hadnt struck me yet that our private phonecalls are now private phonecalls (albeit not for a happy reason - as she's now widowed). I'd just keep repeating to myself a list of her good points - and say nowt....

I do see it as very much a "good manners" thing - though I usually say nowt generally whenever I can see someone exhibiting bad manners (as it's SO frequent). I don't want to be sitting there all the time pointing out lapses of manners and so I just sit there and think to myself "Hmm...not eating with mouth closed = no manners", "Sneezing without turning away or covering mouth first = no manners", "Not standing up for an adult = no manners" and I've felt I had to keep quiet so often anyway in so many contexts - because people with manners do seem to be in the minority I'm afraid....and I only tend to say something about bad behaviour if it's dangerous or blindly inconsiderate (riding a bike on a pavement anyone??!!) or expecting better treatment for being a man (cue for yelling at three people - all men - all "white van men" in the 12 years since I moved here and they nearly caused pedestrian me to have an accident (when 40 years in my previous city = no men at all doing that to me)....hmmm...

A friend of mine takes personal calls, not on loudspeaker but we can hear her side, even when there's a group of us. Her calls can easily last twenty minutes and more.
Last occasion it happened, after a discrete pause, the rest of the group just carried on with their conversation.
She still didn't take the hint and leave the room 🙄

Sago

It’s downright rude, however it’s very common.
I sat in a dentist waiting room listening to a two way conversation, I see it in shops and once had to endure nearly an hour of banal chat on a train.

On the train, the coach was captive audience to a passenger's loud and inane one sided conversation with her friend Donna.

So eventually I just pleasantly projected my voice down the coach and said " Hey Donna, please could you speak up? The rest of us passengers here can't quite hear you".

Worked a treat.

I don't take phonecalls while spending social time with friends or family ; to me it's as rude and inconsiderate as taking or making calls in the cinema, theatre, restaurant etc.

It’s downright rude, however it’s very common.
I sat in a dentist waiting room listening to a two way conversation, I see it in shops and once had to endure nearly an hour of banal chat on a train.

It’s rude to do that in public unless it’s an emergency. Has the person at the other end consented to their words being broadcast to a wide audience?

I don’t even like taking a private call when I’m with others, I’ll either leave the room or tell the person I’ll call them back later.

boheminan

I'm with you on this TillyTrotter. I've a friend I often ring for a chat, however she has her phone on speaker and her partner listens in to our conversation to the point he'll sometimes chip in (at her invite). The lack of privacy leaves me feeling cross, (I phoned her, not him I'm now calling less which is affecting our relationship.

It’s rude isn’t it?
Why do some people do this I wonder, I would be cross too and very wary about what I said on the phone.

Unless you're on your own or with someone you want to listen in on the call for whatever reason, then I do think it is rude to have it on speakerphone. If that's the only way you can hear a call, then at least take it somewhere more private.

Jewelle

Depends where the phone call is taking place. If it’s in the hairdressers, or on a bus for example then no, definitely not on loud speaker. But if in your house or somewhere where no-one else is around then yes, on loudspeaker is fine.

Am assuming that friend 1 has the phone on loudspeaker when Friend 2 is there. That’s not acceptable and rude for all involved I think!

I agree

Grandmabatty

I put the speaker on when answering a phone call because my hearing isn't great but usually it's just me in my house. I wouldn't put it on speaker if I was outdoors and especially not if the topic was sensitive

I do too Grandmabatty it is the only way I can hear the caller properly. If I am in public and have to answer my phone I always move to somewhere more private if I can.

I only use the speaker on my mobile if I’m on hold to a company, when a person answers, I take it off, or, if MrJ and I are ringing a family member to sing Happy Birthday together.

I too have a friend like that boheminan I had a word with her saying I’m ringing you, not him (who is permanently grumpy and rude) problem solved.

I'm with you on this TillyTrotter. I've a friend I often ring for a chat, however she has her phone on speaker and her partner listens in to our conversation to the point he'll sometimes chip in (at her invite). The lack of privacy leaves me feeling cross, (I phoned her, not him I'm now calling less which is affecting our relationship.

Our tolerance level to things like this is different but it seems rude to my mind.
I’m put off from calling Friend 1 for a chat as her hubby is often in the background, hearing the conversation and chipping in (when I didn’t ring to talk to him).

The only time I ever use speaker phone is if my OH needs to listen in………i.e. insurance quotes, holiday bookings etc. Otherwise absolutely not, especially in a public place…….diabolical behaviour!

Obviously we don’t know the full story - an important call? A chat with a family member? A mutual friend spends half of our coffee dates on the phone to her mentally ill son - ringing him every 10 minutes to try and get him out of bed and dressed.
However, I don’t think there could’ve been much of a friendship between them to fall out over (what I consider) such a trivial issue?

I put the speaker on at home, especially when calling a business, sometimes also with one particular friend who is prone to be whispery at times.

Within a group or with a one to one in a social situation, unless a call is of an important nature fixing some sort of appointment for example, I think it is rude to go into personal chat mode, talk later when alone, no one wants to sit listening to someone chuntering on to a third party.

Personal always. I really don’t want to hear other people’s conversations.

I loathe being the unwitting sharer, especially when I am on a bus. You can do what you like in your own home.

It’s a bit rude isn’t it. Reminds me of train guy, maybe friend 1 needs a capper choo choo

If they've fallen out, it's no longer a problem. I do think it's rude to have chatty personal calls when you are physically with someone else. What happened to "I'll call you back" or even putting one's phone on "Do Not Disturb" when you're in a social situation? If the call is confidential then it's definitely a no-no. I think the real problem is people letting their phone rule their lives.

I have my phone on speaker (not loud) by default because I have over-sensitive ears and arthritis in my hands, both of which mean I prefer to have the phone in front of me and the ability to put it down while speaking to someone.

This is especially useful at work because other staff can hear as well (and sometimes they need to – if they don't need or want to they can leave the office) and so that I can write notes/look for things the caller is asking about while they are speaking.

I hardly have any personal calls, thankfully. Telephones for me are for "conversations of purpose", not chatter. Friends and family use whatsapp for that. Confidential stuff only face-to-face.

Depends where the phone call is taking place. If it’s in the hairdressers, or on a bus for example then no, definitely not on loud speaker. But if in your house or somewhere where no-one else is around then yes, on loudspeaker is fine.

Am assuming that friend 1 has the phone on loudspeaker when Friend 2 is there. That’s not acceptable and rude for all involved I think!

I put the speaker on when answering a phone call because my hearing isn't great but usually it's just me in my house. I wouldn't put it on speaker if I was outdoors and especially not if the topic was sensitive