How to offer support to grandchildren, but still have time foe myself

Don't feel guilty. My advice is to persevere with either the nursery or the child minder. My youngest grandchild took weeks to settle at nursery but by gradually extending the time she was there, she did settle. Two years on now and she is very happy to go. It was upsetting at the time for us adults, but the nursery staff were very understanding and helpful and it helped the wee one to get used to new situations.

I have 6 grandchildren with a wide age-range.
With my older two GC, I shared childcare with the other GPs. I was divorced and working part-time.
Then, my youngest son had his first baby They asked if I could share child care and nursery pick ups etc when d.I.l. returned to work. I had to decline because I was already committed to my older two . Had I agreed , I would have had no time at all for myself. But I said I would definitely help out with babysitting, if they wanted an evening out etc. I felt no guilt. And I knew, if it came to that, they could easily afford outside childcare. It has worked out fine.
My middle son chose not to involve me in childcare. His wife is an only child and they preferred to have her mother (10 years younger than me) for regular childcare.
I hope it all works out for you .

Do not feel guilty ! Their children. Their responsibility, only do what you know you can manage.

Yes, do not feel guilty- you have done as much as you can and clearly need to time to get ourself back on track. Your grandchildren will have to learn how to do without you for a while...

Don’t feel guilty. I know that’s easier said than done!

I looked after my gd full time until she was 2.5 years when it got too much for me. She started nursery for 3 days a week and cried a lot. Apparently sobbing “why can’t I stay with Granny?” which didn’t help me!

Anyway son and dil persevered and she settled down. She’s 13 now and doesn’t remember any of it!

Less than a year between them, is that right? Where is the youngest when the older boy is in nursery?

I feel your pain!
I have my gc 4 days a week.
Youngest is in nursery 2 morning and we have the eldest after school.
We also last week had our son's dog!
It's very hard once you're committed, well it is for me! I know how much it costs for nursery and after school care so carry on.
I tend to try and book my nice treats for my "day off" lunch with friends, nails and hair.
I was determined I'd be doing things like swimming or fitness but I'm literally shattered!

Don't feel guilty - hard not to I know.
My grandson hated nursery when he first started.

I lived too far away to help out and felt dreadful I couldn't look after him.
He now absolutely loves going there - he rushes in without so much as a backward glance and joins in wholeheartedly with anything going on.

My granddaughter never settled at nursery and always hated it. Thinking back on day 3 a male member of staff stood shouting at a group of 4 little boys who were quietly standing around a table playing carefully with toy cars on it. He really told them off for not sitting down on the chairs as they weren't allowed to stand! I never saw him again there so I think he was sacked idk. But it was as we came in so granddaughter saw it all. Think that may be what put her off.

No eed to feel guilty. Those grandchildren have been loved and cared for by you. Your daughter should not have children if she cannot afford the time or money to look after them. It takes a long time for a child to settle in a new environment. It is nt your problem, it is that of your daughter and your son-in-law. Sorry to be blunt but that's how I feel. We had three sons in less than four years, we could afford them and I stayed at homel util the youngest was 7, then took a part-time job so that I could be there when they arrived home from school. We struggled but we managed.

I’ve got 10 grandchildren… and got dumped with 5 of them from a great height when my daughter has a “breakdown”. (When she decided she needs a rest/can’t cope).

She rang me in November and told me to “come and get them, (she was admitting herself for 28 days)”!

Mental health sent her home after a week. She wanted me to keep the kids. I had them for 3.5 weeks then had to rush my Xmas shopping (presents) the week before Xmas.

My arthritis flared up with all the stress (I’m 69), and I ended up on steroids (causing other problems including insomnia).

A different GC was having a life/changing op early in March, but said daughter chose that day to threaten suicide and killing the kids.

I was unable to get to her quickly so I called the police for help.
OUTCOME: The police brought the kids to me but my daughter wasn’t sectioned. Social Services set up a care plan for her and the kids. I had to muddle through for 5 days while plans were made.

She’s disowned me since, and I am finally able to have a life. I still help regularly with my other grandchildren.

But I’ve learned to say NO if I’ve already got plans. There’s always someone else who will help.

I was a single parent with 3 kids. I worked long hours and paid a childminder!

My grandchildren live 200 miles away so I can't do regular childcare. I'd originally hoped to relocate nearer while they were small but those plans are yet to come to fruition and the oldest will start school in September. I always said even if I moved nearer I would only do emergency care, such as if child was ill, or nursery closed, and I have travelled to do 3 days of care on one occasion as it fitted in with my desire to visit anyway. I believe you need to keep time for yourself and have your own life and interests. Apart from anything else I feel at 70 I'm getting too old for regular childcare. I guess when I do eventually move nearer it will be school pick ups that are needed and I may be able to cope with that, but not full days, as small children can be exhausting!

I am sorry about your mum. It must have been a shock.
Don’t feel any guilt, you have taken a lot on and need a break. Your grandchildren might need some time to settle into the new arrangement but they will.

Give yourself some time to consider your needs. You have a life to live. Two such small children for 3 days a week is a big commitment and hard work.

If you feel better later don’t commit to so much initially, it’s always easier to increase care than reduce it.

Seems to me that a lot of si called Adult Children if the generationi think it is their God Given right that their parents should look after their children

So that they can go out to work and have a better standard of living

Please remind them that they are their children and if they cant afford them then they shoul not have had them

Persevere with the nursery or child minder……….children adapt eventually, but make it fun and an adventure.

I just wondered whether he doesn’t understand why he is going to nursery and his brother doesn’t.

Especially as they are so close in age. He’s not two yet so he won’t have any sense of being the older. Just hat he goes say and his brother stays.

I have my gd 3 days a week and I work 45 hours around her but I do it so that my daughter can continue her career without crippling childcare costs. It’s hard sometimes and I literally have no time to myself but then I think it’s not forever and I won’t get this tone with her again, when they’re all grown up I’ll miss this.