Do you share financial derails with your partner?

All joint accounts here. Neither of us are interested in money much so we pay a financial advisor. We just like spending it!

Always joint accounts etc and couldn't imagine why everything shouldn't be. I always had an account of my own as he did. Never had a row about money. When I was widowed, young, that was something I could handle.

It always shocks and saddens me a that women end up in this situation. She may be well off, or not, but the fact that she doesn't know is the thing that bothers me.

The week after we were engaged we opened our first joint account, and we have been pooling ever since. I grew up in a household where my Dad handed over his pay packet, and Mum took care of the bills. Any large decisions were made together. We are the same way, with me doing the day to day banking, but DH knows the financial overall picture, and has notes on how to do on-line banking.

I think it is a responsibility to ensure your partner knows all the details of finance and end of life wishes, no matter how long or short the marriage.

We have one "pot" too.
It works for us.

Norah

Whitewavemark2 We also act as a single unit when it comes to finances. We as a married couple are a single unit in many things and finances are one of them.

It doesn’t matter who is working for money or who isn’t. The value each person puts into the partnership is the same. Money isn’t everything, so when I was a full time but unpaid home worker, my contribution was as valuable as my husbands.

Same for us and I can't imagine doing anything differently.

I couldn't agree more. For the first 20 years of our marriage DH travelled extensively at short notice for indeterminate periods of time. All at a time before computers and mobile phones. I very much ran the family business, from looking after house and children to buying and selling houses, organising moves, keeping an eye on his parents( a pleasure) At times I held a power of attorney for him.

The reason he was able to do the job as well as he did was because when he went away he knew that everything at home was in good hands. he used to talk about colleagues with their minds only half on the job because of household business that they were doing and wouldn't/couldn't delegate to their wives.

I very much earned my share of the family income.

Whitewavemark2 We also act as a single unit when it comes to finances. We as a married couple are a single unit in many things and finances are one of them.

It doesn’t matter who is working for money or who isn’t. The value each person puts into the partnership is the same. Money isn’t everything, so when I was a full time but unpaid home worker, my contribution was as valuable as my husbands.

Same for us and I can't imagine doing anything differently.

We also act as a single unit when it comes to finances. We as a married couple are a single unit in many things and finances are one of them.

It doesn’t matter who is working for money or who isn’t. The value each person puts into the partnership is the same. Money isn’t everything, so when I was a full time but unpaid home worker, my contribution was as valuable as my husbands.

Besides what’s mine is mine and what’s his is mine as well😄😄😄

It never occurred to either of us to have anything but shared finances.

My parents had a joint account and my mother kept the cheque book in her handbag. Money was rarely talked about but it was clear that everything was a joint decision. My mother would never have accepted anything else.

In DH's case his mother was a teacher and the main wage earner as she had a permanent job. His father worked in the car industry, which, until the 1960s, was a seasonal employer. Taking on workers in September, making cars until Easter as most car sales were in the spring and then laying workers off until Septemeber. Between Easter and September he got what seasonal work he could get, so she ran the family finances.

As I said it never occurred to DH or Ito do anything different.

We have joint accounts - so no secrets. Can't imagine tolerating anything else or why anybody would.

We have joint account for month to month living, holidays and general spending we both pay into. We both have savings and investments in addition, I know most of my wife finances, she has a general idea of mine but is not actively involved. I’m open about my will contents, my wife and family know its contents so no surprises there.

My father was the opposite which caused a lot of hostility in the family, when the time came everything was fair and fine, so why cause uncertainty.

Regardless of when people got married/ live together I am appalled at how many of my friends don’t know how much their husband/partner earns/ receives from their pensions! Together with his much thru have in savings in their own name only. This is only going to cause major financial issues when the husband etc dies. I never had this when I married. I would not allow it. I received the princely sum of £10 every four weeks from my deceased husband’s state pension when I got my state pension in 2024! He paid tax and NI since he was 15. He died in 2007. I did get half his works pension when he died.

I bet he had more money than he was telling her .she needs to get a financial adviser.or someone in the family to sort out her finances.

A lot of people now whether martied, living together have seperate accounts with one that both contribute to cover eg mortgage, food. The OP friend seems to have accepted the husband being in control of funds. Big question will be what is she to inherit?

I don't let my husband even look at the joint account it's all mine 😅 he pays into it.
He still has his own account as he was in the Services so away frequently, I didn't want him using the joint account.
Of course I can see his account but all the finances otherwise are in my name.

Thanks for the information about pensions Allira, I wasn't aware of this and it would make a significant difference to many people.

We share everything, and all money from whatever source is ‘ours’.

Sounds like a very old fashioned set up in the OP.

My mother, who died in 2015 aged 97, and was always very clued up financially, was shocked some years earlier, when a very old friend, recently widowed, told he she’d never once paid a bill or written a cheque.
All through her very long married life, she’d had her weekly housekeeping money, and that was it.
Apparently it was a happy marriage, though.

At the present time it's working well. We both have separate savings accounts and personal accounts plus a joint account for bills, shopping vets house expenses. No I don't know what he gets from pensions or what savings he has and same with me. He was hopeless with money all our married life, running up huge credit card debts, remortgaging, then doing it again. I always thought he earned much more than he did but never knew the truth.
The crunch came when he asked for my savings twice. Then I was out of work and couldn't afford the dogs vet charge for arthritis meds £100 and he refused to give me it. So I lied to the RSPCA and got it cheap there. When I got another job I sent them a cheque for what the vet would have cost as a donation. Then he wanted to remortgage again and I said no. I meant it and said I'd prosecute if he forged my signature. He stopped using the cards and we have no debts now. He was a brilliant father and most of his debts were money spent on the kids, anything they wanted he bought them. And foreign holidays in 5* hotels all on credit. Still together 48years now.

Surely that is very outdated! Gave her an allowance! Was she his property? Been married 41 years always known what each other has earned and had our own bank accounts plus a joint one...how did they make financial decisions? Or was it just him and your suster was not consultated??? Very Victorian! Even my mum and dad madejoint financial decisions..I'd like ti have seen dad giving mum an 'allowance' don't think they would have remained married for 65 years! They married in 1949.....

My DH and I have a joint bank account since we got engaged in 1979. Both our salaries were paid into and we each had an allowance for personal spending. We have joint savings accounts as well as personal but we regularly discuss what our current financial situation is. It’s worked well for all these years, we never had any secrets about money. We we first got engaged he was paid weekly and as I worked in the wages office I knew before him what was in has wage packet.

Slightly off topic but when we got married in 1977. We both had bank accounts- me with Barclays; DH with Nat West.. We originally agreed that we would each add the other to our respective accounts and make both accounts joint. (Really can't remember why we thought that was a dood idea then). Anyway DH went to Nat West; filled in a form; they added my name and changed his account keeping same number into a joint account.

Barclays however promptly closed my account, opened a new one in DHs name and added my name afterwards! After some decidedly challenging conversations (despite being rather less confident than I am now) I told them to forget it; closed the account and we have just had the Nat. West one since.

How times change!

Married 63 years. From day I, I took care of the finances. We had joint
bank accounts except for ISA for tax purposes. He trusted me and could see for himself at any time what went in and out of the bank.
If either wanted something provided we had the money we had it.

Because we were both born in the 30s I inherited 100% of my husband's SERPS state pension.

We have everything in joint name except personal pensions, the income from these goes into joint accounts, as does any ISA interest.

We both get involved in insurance, and major purchases and never worry which account they come from.

One (unresolved) disagreement now we have come to that age is whether it is time to gift more of our savings to the children

Doodledog

Each to her own, but what did she contribute?

I can't imagine not sharing the joys and troubles of finance (and other aspects) of married life, but then I never had an 'allowance'. We were an equal partnership from the start. Sometimes I earned more, sometimes he did, and his pension is way more than mine for various reasons (most of them surrounding outdated sexist legislation), but we have always been happy to share and share alike.

It is very important that people know how their finances will be impacted by the death of a partner, as well as how they would manage if s/he left the relationship. Being a hostage to fortune is not something I would ever have contemplated.

Sorry if this is stating the obvious, but I was talking to my mother recently, and she had no idea that women no longer inherit their husband's state pension. She is very financially savvy usually, but this change had passed her by, as she and all her friends all have a good income that comes from their husbands' pensions, SERPS and so on, so she had never needed to know. This all changed in 2016, so it may be worth checking if anyone is expecting to do likewise and inherit a spouse's state pension.

Not quite that cut and dried, and will depend in whether either of them were due to receive state pension, not when they actually took it out. Worth checking. She may be entitled to pension credits as well.

Advise her if she has been home child rearing that she needs to check the contributions that should have been paid for this.

I love being in control of paying the bills, hunting for insurance quotes etc. When we divorced that was my route to freedom and independence.
Now my partner and I ( not married) have our own pensions, savings, accounts. We share all major costs, he pays an allowance towards monthly household costs; we pay our own holidays ; look after our own children,( he has 3 , I have 1).
We discuss any monetary issues together and it works.
This stems from when my mum left our family , my dad emptied their joint account leaving her with one shilling . That will NEVER happen to me !

We had a joint account and all our money was pooled but I dealt with all the finances and yes I did tell him what spare money was available for spending and what wasn’t.

Finance bored him to tears and the only time he had to deal with it - when I was very ill- he thought we had no money left and panicked. 🙄😂 If I had died first he would have needed somebody else to sort all that out.

On the other hand he always dealt with anything involving people, like tradesmen and especially negotiating deals and contracts which I just cannot do.

A bit sad to think that’s looked on as coercive control. More like playing to our strengths