Emergency back-up help in older age

Elegran

MT16 asked "How does it work if you die?". The ones that register sudden changes in position indicating a fall would alert the alarm if you "fell down dead".

Would this also be activated should one die while sleeping? The cats would still need to be fed, even though the "rush is over ".

A daily text to a family member is a good idea, a few years ago my DH went at short notice to Canada to visit his sister and sick brother in law for a week; I couldn’t go because I had important hospital appointments and my lovely daughter in law insisted I text her every morning to reassure her I was ok.

It makes me sad, old people alone and fearful of dying alone.
However good practical suggestions have been made.

friendlygingercat

Being a keyholder is a huge responsibility and not to be taken on lightly. Asking neighbours to take it on is an imposition.

A cheeky neighbour tried to guilt me into being a keyholder for another neighbour who has dementia. I refused as I have health problems and mobility issues myself. I told her to find someone younger and fitter who would be capable of lifting someone who had fallen. The neighbour has now gone to live with her daughter and the house is empty.

If someone has fallen, then one should not attempt to help them up. I work in a home for seniors, and for a neighbourhood charity that helps (mainly) seniors who need some assistance in their daily lives. When we discover someone on the floor in their home, we have been instructed to immediately call the emergency services. At work, we summon the qualified nurse on duty, who can assess the situation and will call the emergency services if needed.

Being a keyholder is a huge responsibility and not to be taken on lightly. Asking neighbours to take it on is an imposition.

A cheeky neighbour tried to guilt me into being a keyholder for another neighbour who has dementia. I refused as I have health problems and mobility issues myself. I told her to find someone younger and fitter who would be capable of lifting someone who had fallen. The neighbour has now gone to live with her daughter and the house is empty.

I have an Apple Watch as well as an iPhone, if I fall it will call 999 as well as my emergency contact (it will ask me if I’m ok first I believe). As well as my son having a spare key I also have a key box with one in near my front door so that if I fall or am unwell indoors and am unable to get to the front door but need an ambulance I can call 999 and give them the code for the key box so they can let themselves in (just got to remember not to leave a key in the latch on the inside otherwise it won’t work)

Fast approaching 88, i too am anxious about needing help etc.
I have an Echo show device that contains all my phone numbers. In theory I should be able to ask, Alexa call T... that then calls her phone so we can speak. Its quite sensitive. I know through testing it if I say, fell in my hall or bathroom I can activate it..I have a second device in my sitting room that covers the front of my small flat. Of course that's if I'm able to speak.

I also have a friend who txt me every morning, just a good morning E..she replies using my name. She knows my family so we agree she would contact them should I not reply..

My neighbours are all eldery.. thinking about it typing this message I do have a younger retired friend living quite close by.. I'm going to ask if I might give her my keys are code..

NotSpaghetti

I suppose if you die (say as you nap in your comfy chair) you are already dead so the "rush" is over.

The alarm is, I feel, to alert someone to the fact that help is required quickly.

Whilst I'd want to know if someone I loved was dead, it's much more helpful to know if they have fallen over as then they can be helped.

LOL Spaghettigran, the rush is indeed over!

The lady across the road from me had a history of TIAs. I used to go to her every evening. The lady who walked my dog would also walk hers in the afternoon. The neighbour in behind her would look out and raise the alarm if her conservatory blinds weren't open by 11 am, so in theory, she was being checked on 3 times a day.

Her final stroke (yes, she started having actual strokes) the dog walker couldn't get in with her key, so I used my full set to get in to the main part of the house.

Could a similar system work for you?

I have have got the one from Age UK which comes from Taking Care, based in Ashburton, Devon. I have been really pleased with them and would highly recommend the company. I have the Digital Falls package . I would suggest having the neck pendant rather that the wrist one. I started out with the wrist one and found it too sensitive, even going off at night when I must have waved my arm around a bit vigorously! My contact and her husband came to the house (got in via the keysafe which you will need). I was sleeping v soundly as was the dog so didn’t hear anyone. She said that the relief when she touched me and found that I was warm and not dead was immense! 😂 We have a good laugh about it now but at least it showed the system worked.
I’ve had no problems with the neck pendant.

I have a care line monitor which is on a chain round my neck. It is very sensitive and I have to be careful I don't fold my arms and press it accidentally. Fortunately it is easily cancelled which I have done on several occasions. Since getting it I have never had occasion to use it. I have a key safe for attaching to the wall outside but haven't got round to fixing it yet.

Artemis47, I know exactly how you feel and have the same concerns. One of my daughters visits me every two weeks or so, more often if she can, after an early work finish on a Friday. I would hate for her to turn up one Summer's day and maybe be confronted with a bad smell and a lot of flies. She would probably have a heart attack too!
It used to be the Milkman who would raise the alarm if milk was left on the step, or the postman who noticed yesterday's letters in the letterbox, but delivered milk and post (especially post) are rare these days.

I have considered an alarm pendant or similar but there is nobody I can think of who would be available as a reliable contact. My daughters live 40 and 55 miles away. They can hardly "pop round" if alerted, even if their phones are available when they are sent the alert. Neighbours are elderly, strangers to me and/or disinterested. There is only one person nearby, an old friend a few streets away, who is reasonably mobile and who I would trust with a key (or my Key-box code), and she can be difficult to contact.

My closer daughter and I have discussed the possibility of her "checking in" on me daily by phone, but if I am out/asleep/in the garden or bath and don't hear the phone or notice the blinking message light on my landline, I really don't want her making an unnecessary 80 mile round trip.

I have decided if I think anything is seriously wrong I should try and get to the pavement outside my house in hopes that somebody might be passing or hopefully I might be able to call an ambulance and get the front door open before I collapse. If I pass in my sleep, (my preferred way to go), there is nothing I can do.

It is one of the reasons I turned down the offer of a kitten after my cat died in 2021.

My husband has dementia and takes our dog out every morning. Although the dog has got a tracker on I now feel it’s time for my husband to have something on him for emergencies etc. I was applying for a care link type thing that my Mother wore before she had to go into a home but the care link lady recommended an APPLE SE watch for my husband as you can get them cheaper refurbished, once bought I wouldn’t have to pay every month unlike a care button, he doesn’t use a phone so I can pair it with mine and also a few other vital people which is handy.

Yes, I have given my childrens’ co tact numbers to my young neighbour. She keeps an eye out for me. If my car is on the drive and there’s no activity all morning (ie curtains/blinds not drawn) she has been asked to contact family or if she’s brave enough, she can come in to check. I must S.A., I have lovely neighbours .

My mum had a pendant alarm, she fell in the garden, where was her pendant? in the house next to her chair! 🙄 another time I rang to say I wouldn't be going for tea because the weather was bad, I said 'are you alright?' She said 'no I'm on the floor and I can't get up 🙄 Please if you have an alarm make sure you wear it at all times, they can be lifesavers.
I've been thinking a lot about this because my daughter lives 2 hrs away, my family live an hr away and are older than me and my Dh is 76 and likely to go before me ( although I know that might not be the case) . I like the idea of a daily text, and having a service my Dd can alert to check on me which is something I might look at

Thank you everyone. I will look into those suggestions. I have good neighbours but they wouldn't notice if they didn't see me about which was why I felt I had to put something in place. Maybe it's a London thing? The thing about dying and no one knowing was obviously I'd want my daughters to know asap, but I'd also be worried about my cats wandering about with no one to feed them. But I have set up the text system with one daughter, as mentioned, and a neighbour and a nearby friend are on board, with keys to my house, and telephone numbers, to offer back up if my daughter is concerned.
I have also discovered on my iPhone (God bless Apple!) that if I press two buttons to call emergency services my phone will automatically call my emergency numbers, ie my two daughters.

You should be in touch with your local Social Services, and they can arrange to install one for you, charge is £20 a month. DH wears a very discreet button on a wrist band which looks like a watch and is really small.

Floradora9

Do you not have any neighbours that would notice if things did not look right. We look over to our 94 year old neighbour every day to check she has opened her curtains . The other day she opened her garage door but did not take her car our so DH checked all was well . I had visions of her lying somewhere .

My mother and her neighbour had an arrangement whereby they kept each other's keys and if the living room curtains hadn't been opened after breakfast they'd go over and check. Fortunately this was never needed as I think both of them would have been worried to find the other incapacitated.

Elegran

Allira

I saw a watch advertised on TV today which is a personal alarm.
There are different makes of personal alarm watches which will alert designated family members or friends if you fall or anything should happen

Age UK sells one which you can wear on your wrist or around your neck:
www.ageuk.org.uk/products/mobility-and-independence-at-home/personal-alarms/#:~:text=The%20Age%20Co%20Personal%20Alarm,their%20independence%20and%20live%20securely.

I was looking at alarm watches a few days ago. They also display the time until you press the alarm button, so they are dual purpose and don't feel quite as geriatric as the pendant ones. They are a bit chunky, though, to hold the electronics inside.
Googling brings up lots, but you do need to check the details, like are they GPS so that someone could find you if you are away from home, and do you need to pay monthly for having a contact always available or do you list your family as contacts. That is true of the pendant ones too.

I think a lot of watches are chunky now because they do everything!
Except the washing up and ironing.

I suppose if you die (say as you nap in your comfy chair) you are already dead so the "rush" is over.

The alarm is, I feel, to alert someone to the fact that help is required quickly.

Whilst I'd want to know if someone I loved was dead, it's much more helpful to know if they have fallen over as then they can be helped.

Mt61

Sarnia

I am your age. After a second heart problem appeared in March my family clubbed together to get me a 24/7 personal alarm. Telecom 24 is the company and I am very pleased with it, although I wasn't sure I needed one at first. I find it has given me a degree of confidence. Telecom have several types of alarms to suit everyone. Mine is a GPS so can track me wherever I am. Should I need to alert them I just press the alarm and they answer very quickly to see if I need any help. They have 3 contact numbers and my key safe code should I be unresponsive and people need to get in. It might be just the ting for you with a daughter far away and one nearer but slow to react. Good luck.

How does it work if you die?

My alarm also gets activated if I fall or collapse. It automatically alerts the call centre. On getting no reply either through incapacitation or death they would get in touch with the emergency services and my family contacts.

MT16 asked "How does it work if you die?". The ones that register sudden changes in position indicating a fall would alert the alarm if you "fell down dead".

Allira

I saw a watch advertised on TV today which is a personal alarm.
There are different makes of personal alarm watches which will alert designated family members or friends if you fall or anything should happen

Age UK sells one which you can wear on your wrist or around your neck:
www.ageuk.org.uk/products/mobility-and-independence-at-home/personal-alarms/#:~:text=The%20Age%20Co%20Personal%20Alarm,their%20independence%20and%20live%20securely.

I was looking at alarm watches a few days ago. They also display the time until you press the alarm button, so they are dual purpose and don't feel quite as geriatric as the pendant ones. They are a bit chunky, though, to hold the electronics inside.
Googling brings up lots, but you do need to check the details, like are they GPS so that someone could find you if you are away from home, and do you need to pay monthly for having a contact always available or do you list your family as contacts. That is true of the pendant ones too.

I don’t have a regular system yet, but normally text my daughter every day. She lives 4 miles away. I do worry what would happen when she is away. I hope my neighbours might notice if I don’t draw my curtains. I might start looking into a more practical system soon.

Until you find an alarm you are happy with ((some can sense falls) I'd do a text morning and night at least.

I wish my mother would have had a fall alarm as she was struggling after a stroke for too long.