Behaviour Managment

What sorts of things do they do?

Unless you are bringing them up, it is their parents' job to manage their behaviour, and the chances are that you will fall out with your adult children if you try to do things differently from how they believe to be the right way for their children.

You have a certain amount of 'Granny's house, Granny's rules' leeway over things such as sitting at a table to eat, or similar things that could damage or mess up your house, but manners and what they 'get away with' is out of your jurisdiction, I'm afraid.

Do you really see most children as awful? If so, maybe you could step back and bit from being in their company until they grow up a bit?

GooseyGranny

My Grandchildren are menaces, I do not know what to do about them! I feel like so many children now are awful and so impolite (I understand not all children are like that but I do not want my grandchildren to behave badly, I want to help raise them right). When I was younger I would always respect my elders. How can I better manage their behaviour?

You can't "manage" them, you can be a good kind example.

Your grandchildren are menaces? Oh dear you make them sound so awful I wouldn't want to spend any time with them...

You want to help raise them right? Not play, talk to them, go for walks or to the cinema? You don't sound as if you want to enjoy their company at all.

They are not yours to raise, unfortunately so I would just keep out of their way and let the parents get on with it until these children meet your exacting standards.

My DIL gave my two grandchildren a real telling off at 5 am in the morning as she heard them in the corridor discussing the pros and cons of waking me up. My grandson then announced at 7.30 am that he had wanted to wake me at 7 …. It’s very difficult to keep a straight face sometimes. But they’re adorable and there in lies my problem….

All children are different and behave in varying ways dependent on their ages. Difficult situation for a Grandparent unless you are raising them otherwise it is down to their Parents to raise them and manage their behaviour.

GooseyGranny

My Grandchildren are menaces, I do not know what to do about them! I feel like so many children now are awful and so impolite (I understand not all children are like that but I do not want my grandchildren to behave badly, I want to help raise them right). When I was younger I would always respect my elders. How can I better manage their behaviour?

What do they do that in your view makes them "menaces"?

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202509/medium-5tvvy3-dennis-the-menace-and-gnasher-the-dog.jpg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202509/medium-aemvzx-minnie-the-minx.jpg

Madgran77

GooseyGranny

My Grandchildren are menaces, I do not know what to do about them! I feel like so many children now are awful and so impolite (I understand not all children are like that but I do not want my grandchildren to behave badly, I want to help raise them right). When I was younger I would always respect my elders. How can I better manage their behaviour?

What do they do that in your view makes them "menaces"?

Oh dear, I now have a vision of Dennis the Menace and Minnie the Minx

Just keep them busy or say you'd prefer not to look after them until they're older when they can be on their phones all day.

I feel sad when I see grand talking about behaviour management. That’s the parents job, grannies wouldn’t undermine parents and you’d expect similar parenting and attachment styles

Grannies (& grandpas) are not in existence to “raise” their dear GC, unless they live with them or are their legal guardians.

Just relax and enjoy them. Correct them if they forget their “pleases and thank-you” or are rude to you, other than that the joy of having GC is you get to spoil them, enjoy them, then give them back.

Well said Cossy. My nine year old said recently, thanks for the sleep over grannie, I love it here, you spoil us.

I definitely so not spoil them but I’m retired, not rushing, I do get breakfast treats, mango n strawberry to go with pancakes. All we have to do is be ready to leave for school on time. I’m not juggling children, work, my parents etc as I was when mine were yiung

I absolutely agree with Doodledog and Cossy. My grandchildren vary in age from 17 to 30, both daughters had two each. I used to have them a lot (from choice) when they were young and when I did, my daughters told me that it was my house and my rules and I was to treat them as I saw fit. I was lucky (very) in that both daughters and my sons-in-law brought their children up beautifully. They weren’t angels, they played up, could be a nightmare if the fancy took them, (and I was glad that they did as it showed they were normal) but they would do as they were told and seldom had to be reprimanded. I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed them, and the fun we had and I enjoy my relationship with them now they are adults.
My only granddaughter and her husband have a five month old son, my first great-grandson, who is the newest light of my life and I am lucky that I see him regularly. It won’t be the same as it used to be with my grandchildren - at 80, I will not be having him here on my own (my choice as, at my age and with health issues, I wouldn’t feel it was safe for him). However, he is brought here often and I can enjoy him without the worry, and see his parents at the same time. That way, we are all happy. The other day, he reached his little arms out to me for me to hold him and my heart melted. At 5 months, he has decided I’m ok. That’ll do me! 🥰

Crossstitchfan

I absolutely agree with Doodledog and Cossy. My grandchildren vary in age from 17 to 30, both daughters had two each. I used to have them a lot (from choice) when they were young and when I did, my daughters told me that it was my house and my rules and I was to treat them as I saw fit. I was lucky (very) in that both daughters and my sons-in-law brought their children up beautifully. They weren’t angels, they played up, could be a nightmare if the fancy took them, (and I was glad that they did as it showed they were normal) but they would do as they were told and seldom had to be reprimanded. I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed them, and the fun we had and I enjoy my relationship with them now they are adults.
My only granddaughter and her husband have a five month old son, my first great-grandson, who is the newest light of my life and I am lucky that I see him regularly. It won’t be the same as it used to be with my grandchildren - at 80, I will not be having him here on my own (my choice as, at my age and with health issues, I wouldn’t feel it was safe for him). However, he is brought here often and I can enjoy him without the worry, and see his parents at the same time. That way, we are all happy. The other day, he reached his little arms out to me for me to hold him and my heart melted. At 5 months, he has decided I’m ok. That’ll do me! 🥰

How lovely for you !
My DM is 89 and delights in her GGDs who are 10 and 7

Thank you for your help, I was having a particularly difficult day with them yesterday - I think they were both very tired, so got upset and frustrated. They are lovely children and will grow into lovely adults. And I see all of your points, Thank you. I think I will get them some chocolates when I pick them up from school tonight as recommended (I pick them up occasionally when their parents are busy).
Thank you

Watch out for the sugar rush 😲

They will be tired after school, of course, and may need a snack.
When I picked my DGC up from school, we went to the playground afterwards, many of their friends would be there too as it was close to the school. They could have a snack, a drink and let off steam.

I recommend Pom Bears rather than sweets or most chocolate. Organic peanut butter on brown bread? Water.

Ahhhh, Yes that is a much better idea.

Get one of those bags of bread making ingredients and make bread with your grandchildren as soon as they are old enough. They can spend ages just playing with the dough and creating shapes and later love eating 'their' bread and saving some for their parents. In other words - find a nice grandparent thing to do with them and I think you and they will get on a lot better. If you do the bread making, have something else to do (drawing/painting?) while the dough rises - I usually skip the second rising so their bread can go into the oven a bit sooner. Enjoy ! It is a privilege to have grandchildren, and it is the parents who have to bring them up. You can say 'in my house we.......' if you need to stop or encourage some behaviour when they visit. Good time with you, which they enjoy, is a real gift to you and them - and they may well remember when they are older.

Louisa, I am so pleased for your DM. At that age, many people have little to be happy about, grandchildren are grown up, not needed to babysit etc and sometimes not even visited much.
It’s lucky that, although she is old, her great grandchildren are so young. I am sure that helps to keep her alive. Certainly I feel that my lot keep me going and interested in life.
Contrast that with a close (and very silly) friend of mine who won’t let her grandson bring his new baby to visit her ‘in case he is sick or makes a mess’. I keep trying to convince her of what she’s missing, but she doesn’t change her mind. When I think of the sheer pleasure I get from seeing my family, I feel sorry for her. She thinks having a clean and tidy living room is preferable to having fun with children. Each to her own, I suppose.

Cleary it's the parents lack of supervision (unless there is a real underlying reason). Those children will grow up into nasty, selfsih adults .

mabon2

Cleary it's the parents lack of supervision (unless there is a real underlying reason). Those children will grow up into nasty, selfsih adults .

Um ...we dont actually know what the kids do and also the OP is feeling more able to cope.

What an unnecessary and over the top unhelpful remark mabon!