Contact with grandchildren

I’ve shown (or feigned) interest in absolutely everything my (now adult) GS has done including video games. I’ve learned about football and tried to remember the teams. I’ve tried to remember the names of his friends and ask what they’re doing. I also send funny messages occasionally. So far it’s worked and GS is always pleased to see me I’m delighted to say. But I do appreciate they’re all different.

Sadly what you would like and what you get can be two very different things. Where teens are concerned, it has to be their choice to make contact. Pushing them, big hints, or nagging will only make it a guilt trip and not a pleasure trip. Do you message them to see how they are? Maybe they think you’re not interested if there’s no contact from you?

To the posters who say they don't hear from their grandchildren often enough, I'd ask how often do their grandchildren hear from them?
Communication works both ways 🤷🏻

We also have a family WhatsApp group to keep in touch, share news, photos, an article we've found interesting, a silly joke.

Some members rarely post (the men!) but at least they know what's being talked about, discussed and arranged.

Oh Babs!
🤞

Oh, me too, Babs!

I sincerely hope that we live long enough to enjoy seeing our GCs as young adults who are prone to ignore us.

I agree with Lathyrus- 'it is not their role to keep you content'. I keep on contact with my adult GC by what's app and they live fairly close. I dont hound them but let them know I am interested in how they are. Last week my 20 year old GS messaged to ask if he could bring his girlfriend round to meet us - how nice was that?! Wonderful .

Thee is no such thing as 'contact to be content with'. We have to be content with whatever we get.

If your family are close why not just tell your grandchildren that it would be nice to hear from them a couple of times a month.

My grandchildren have lived 200 miles from me all their life, so I have less cntact than many - but also more than many.

Set up a family whatsapp group.

Oh let them fly.
I keep in touch through their parents, find out if alls well with them and they are enjoying life.

I see them occassionally but know they would be here in a trice if needed.

Still see them on special days , younger ones more often but that will lessen as they have activities and clubs to attend.

I’m content with that.

Pritt, just wondering if your own children are close enough to visit?
Or is it just the grandchildren?

My grandchildren are very special to me, and they know I love to see them, even just for a quick cuppa and a catch up on each other’s news. However, I make no demands. I am very fortunate that my children and grandchildren live nearby, so no long journeys involved. We also keep up to date on our WhatsApp group.

It takes a long time to visit older people.
I often try to "pop in" on my mother-in-law but can't get out in less than two hours it seems - even when I'm really busy.

So even one visit a month is a whole morning or afternoon (once travelling is factored in) - and that's an eighth of your weekends. Assuming you go shopping, maybe visit parents/ siblings/ the other grandparents you can see it's a job to fit things in. And it's worse when children come along and have hobbies and birthday parties and so on.

I suppose I'm saying, try to keep in touch via (say) WhatsApp az they can do this easily.
And hopefully you can have some shortbread in or other nice little "treaty" thing for when they do visit so you can make a fuss of them.

Make them feel that they are special to you and be appreciative of their time and interest and they will surely reward you with a few jolly hours now and again.

I know two of my children visit their grandmother very regularly - maybe every fortnight - and one hardly at all.
The one that doesn't visit often is not really welcomed quite the same as the other two. I think she visits out of a sense of duty if I'm honest!

Allsorts

Pritt did not say she has contact twice a month but that she would like too. Let’s face it we would all like that but it won’t happen. They are just too busy with life. We just have to enjoy those times we do see them.

Oh yes, my misread.

I feel sad my two grandchildren aged 19 & 16 live an hour and a half away but have zero interest in DH and myself. I have given up trying with them. But to be honest their mum DD1 and sil really not interested either. Unless I text or call we get nothing. We have another daughter and two other grandchildren aged 11 & 6 who live 10 mins away who do seem to want to see us and we do lots together so I am thankful and enjoy their company.

Pritt did not say she has contact twice a month but that she would like too. Let’s face it we would all like that but it won’t happen. They are just too busy with life. We just have to enjoy those times we do see them.

Mine don’t visit and it saddens me, I’m still working and not very old but still no contact unless we visit them. So sad.

Skydancer

I actually think it’s disgraceful when young people don’t visit grandparents. It sadly shows what sort of society we live in.

So do I. I always took my kids to visit their grandparents. My parents lived about 100 miles from us and my inlaws were a 7-8 hr drive away. I also invited all of them to come and stay with us a couple of times a year.

I have friends who say they only hear from their adult kids when they want something. Usually childminding or borrowing money but sometimes helping with gardening or decorating.

Contentment is up to you, it’s what you feel in yourself.

Realistically, if you are not content with a couple of contacts a month, what are you going to do about it?
Demand they contact you more?
Try to make them feel guilty about not contacting you more? Bribe them to contact you more?

None of that will endear you to them. There is nothing more off putting than being told you’re not fulfilling another persons expectations. Or feeling you are being held responsible for the way they are feelng.

If you want more contact, you send more texts with news, pictures, jokes, happenings, just normal chatty stuff. And be happy when you get replies. 🙂

It really isn’t their role to keep you content.

My DD 30 takes my 2 GDs age 10 and 7 to visit my Mum ( their GM and GGM) 6 times a year....they live a 2.5 hour drive from her .....she whatsapps her Nan and sends pics of her girls every couple of days....my mums 89 now and really appreciates seeing them....she couldn't manage it more often tho

I actually think it’s disgraceful when young people don’t visit grandparents. It sadly shows what sort of society we live in.

We need to be ;content' with however little youngsters of that age can find time and inclination to have anything to do with oldies like us. Why should they? Unless you lived with your grandparents how often did you see them when you were that age?