Dealing with pain

I m not really the right person to tell you as I ve been alone so long I would find it hard to live with someone now however I didn’t want your post to disappear with no answers
Have you had any bereavement counselling to help come to terms with losing your loved one
You say you don’t have many mates but you can always make some have you thought of volunteering you can make lots of friends that way and it gives you something to get up for
There are more opportunities for menthese days with …repair shops, MENS sheds, offering odd jobs, local libraries, etc etc I volunteer in a charity shop and we have quite a few men volunteering with us now, they are great for testing the electric goods, sorting the battery toys, working on the till etc etc we even have a couple of young men that come in Saturdays which is to help with their confidence
Get out and about, if you like pets maybe a dog would help give you a purpose to get out, or a cat to cuddle up on your chair
I m sure others will have other ideas

You might find talking to Samaritans helpful
You can email [email protected] or ring 116 123

My friend joined a bereavement walking group. It meant she could chat if she wanted to and not if she didn't. The walks weren't long - so you might manage them - and always ended up somewhere for coffee.

A few of them now meet up as friends.
I know they keep her going.

Thinking of you.

Sorry to hear of your loss.
Do you have a local hall, meeting place.?Often these will have notices of clubs and activities you could join. Look at your local on line Notice board , see if there is anything that you might be interested in. Crafts, singing, history, charity work . Unfortunately you will need to make the effort ( hard as it may seem) to seek things out as they won’t come knocking at your door.

Do you have a public library near you? They will often have information about local groups and activities suitable for your situation. There will also be a friendly person there to help you find out - they love being helpful in my experience!

Hello Justin, lots of good suggestions on here so I hope you will consider some of them. They do all mean that you have to take the initiative though, they won’t come knocking at your door. I know it’s hard but bite the bullet. My BIL lost his wife about 16 years ago now but has never made an effort to take up any new activities or make new friends. Consequently he is very lonely. Don’t let that happen to you.
One more suggestion, does your local pub have a darts , dominoes or quiz team? You don’t have to be a drinker to join and they are usually grateful for new players as are bowls clubs, croquet clubs etc.
Come on make the effort, you’ll be pleased you did.
Good luck

You have received some good advice here- please reach out as someone said no one will come looking but you maybe surprised how many people are in exactly the same situation as you.

The problem is a lot of social groups exclude men. We have ladies lunch, women's coffee morning even the largest social group in the country the WI excludes men so a lot of men think social groups are for women and work is their social group. When they retire they are left with nothing. We really need to be more accepting of men.

Are you looking for ideas to manage physical pain? Advice and personal experience will differ depending on the source of the pain.

I'm not sure where you live but locally we have a group called Men in Sheds. It is spreading nationally so there may be one near you. They often post on Facebook. These groups are for men who are lonely, bereaved, divorced, separated, struggling with mental health issues or just want to be in a social group for men. My nearest group make things for the community and are very good at repairs. Women usually have social groups but men, not so much, which seems a shame to me. I hope you have a Men in Sheds near you or something similar that will bring some benefits to you.

Our local leisure centre has a suite of power assisted exercise machines. I haven't used them myself but it seems to be a very friendly atmosphere where people can keep mobile and have a nice chat at the same time.

Jackiest

The problem is a lot of social groups exclude men. We have ladies lunch, women's coffee morning even the largest social group in the country the WI excludes men so a lot of men think social groups are for women and work is their social group. When they retire they are left with nothing. We really need to be more accepting of men.

There are lots of groups exclusively for men as some have mentioned above.

There are also lots of mixed sex activities and volunteering opportunities that do not exclude men.

justin

I’ve had so many surgeries and nowadays I try to be active but it takes a toll on me not being able to be as active as I used to be, It’s been difficult loosing my wife after so many years, and I just want to know how to deal with life at this point, I don’t have a lot of mates or anyone to really talk to, I would love to have tips on dealing with this

I too suffer with chronic pain and resulting diminished activity. Yesterday I signed up with the University of the Third Age, which is for us older folks and offers scores of 'interest' groups. For example, I signed up for the Creative Writing and TaiChi and am also interested in the Painting class, Family History, Philosophy and Easy Walking. I imagine I will make lots of acquaintances along the way! Good luck, and don't forget if you need help with grief or talking therapy there are many agencies, depending on where you live, that can help you deal with the process. Your GP can point you in the right direction.

In terms of physical pain; first stop talk to your doctor. My GP practice runs a chronic pain clinic. Medication is one option, but there are others; physiotherapy, massage, diet, chair yoga, classes at the local gym which can be "prescribed".
All on NHS. The practice dietician can advise you on foods that make some pain worse or better.

Does soaking in a bath help (add a cup of epsom salts) ? Or a hot shower?

If you possibly can, keep moving your body. A good physio can suggest ways to do this safely in the home. Then gently outside in the fresh air.

Even if you can't move much, if you can sit on a chair do it outside or by an open window and focus on breathing in all that fresh air and fully exhaling. Every day, rain or shine.

Try to walk more steps . Walking improves circulation and relaxes tight muscles. If you like a daily paper, can you reach the paper shop on foot.. every day?

Take a look at your wardrobe. To get outside comfortably, you need a warm jacket (hat? gloves?) and supportive shoes with a cleated sole to reduce slips . Consider a walking stick or zimmer.

Indoors, you may need good fitted slippers, hot water bottle, a cosy blanket on the chair, an electric blanket to warm the bed until you get in.