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Advice needed

(16 Posts)
Vonnie58 Thu 13-Nov-25 23:50:23

My daughter is moving 3.5 hours away with my 3 grandchildren . 2 of which age 6 and 8 I've had every weekend since born the other is a small baby still. I run at her beck and call drive at moment 1hr plus each way numerous time each week and always Fridays to get children and drop back Sunday nights. Took them everywhere taught them to swim ride bikes all the fun things . Now she just up and going miles away. Offered to try move closer she said no. She dates bad men over and over and kids suffer. I'm told I have no rights I'm beside myself is there anything I can do ?

denbylover Fri 14-Nov-25 00:02:45

I write this with regret, but I don’t believe you have any rights in the situation you describe. What you can do though, is keep in touch with your daughter and the children as often as you can and visit when possible. Keep the door open regarding your daughter, who knows this new relationship maybe short lived.

I’m no legal eagle, perhaps someone else might come in and have something constructive and helpful for you.

I’m so sorry you are facing and dealing with this worry. Being there for the children is all I can suggest.

rafichagran Fri 14-Nov-25 00:09:19

Sorry, you have no rights. She us the Mother and can move if she wants too.
For goodness sake dont move, if she gets fed up or bored where she is living you could end up stuck there alone.

nanna8 Fri 14-Nov-25 00:14:30

Just wondering what is meant by ‘bad men’. If they are a threat to the children I think I would report the situation.

Homestead62 Fri 14-Nov-25 00:18:54

Vonnie, sadly we have no say in what our adult children do. What I would do is keep sending birthdays, Christmas cards/ gifts and keep communication open. You may, if you are able help in the school holidays? Have them an odd weekend? I'm sorry I've no better advice.

Wyllow3 Fri 14-Nov-25 00:33:19

No, you don't have rights, but you have enduring love to offer, that will never change, and yes it means a change in your life, but many of us have DGC that far away, and go when we can, like to help out at school holidays and weekends and so on.

I can only guess but not pushing to hard may be more productive.

And if you move closer, and the children get to be teenagers, they will go their own way, it's just not the same, they have their own friends. -they dont stop loving you, but its very different and you have lost your local connections where you live now?

Sago Fri 14-Nov-25 09:42:41

I think more context is needed, is she moving for work, for a man or to be nearer the children’s father?

LOUISA1523 Fri 14-Nov-25 12:49:38

You would have no rights in the uk

Dickens Fri 14-Nov-25 13:27:01

nanna8

Just wondering what is meant by ‘bad men’. If they are a threat to the children I think I would report the situation.

I thought similarly nanna8...

In what way do the kids suffer?

We need a little more context Vonnie58 which, I know, can be difficult if you don't want to run the risk of identifying yourself on a public forum.

You appear to have had a very active role in the upbringing of your grandchildren - especially at weekends. Who 'engineered' this - you, or your daughter?

Is there someone - someone reliable - who you could talk to about the situation in more detail? You are obviously in turmoil over this and need objective advice.

The welfare of the children is paramount here.

Vonnie58 Fri 14-Nov-25 13:41:18

She has social moving her and has picked that area due to her dad living there who has Never been active in her life visiting 2 x per year for couple of hours at most. Her latest boyfriend the babies dad is violent and threats to get kids too . She said she wants to get out of Kent. I have offered many solutions but she is adamant. I adore the kids they are my life and they always want to come every Friday. My daughter and I have not got on for a few years . Doesn't like what I have to say but I only want the kids and her safe . I have no one to talk too

Vonnie58 Fri 14-Nov-25 13:42:10

This is the second time now she's been moved due to partners she chooses

Vonnie58 Fri 14-Nov-25 13:42:25

Thank you so much for replying

Judy54 Fri 14-Nov-25 14:51:21

Interesting that the OP says my Daughter is moving 3.5 hours away with my grandchildren instead of saying with her children. Actually the kids are her life and not yours, yes of course as a grandmother you are part of their lives but not the whole of it. How was it when your daughter was young did you let her grandparents dominate her life. Sad as it may seem your Daughter must make her own choices including relocating. I do however understand your concern about her latest boyfriend who you describe as violent. Is this to your Daughter and/or the children, have you actually seen him be violent. This may be a time to consider contacting Social Services about your concerns for the health and wellbeing of your Daughter and her Children.

Vonnie58 Fri 14-Nov-25 15:08:51

Thank you for your reply yes to her and mainly just bullying to kids. There have been anonymous reports re the situation seem to go no where. I'm worried trying the legal way as she won't speak or let me see them. I've been there from start and tried to shield them from her boyfriends they are always the same type. Just would like tj see them still so know they are safe and she is too. What is OP

Vonnie58 Mon 22-Dec-25 15:18:34

Can anyone please advice me

silverlining48 Mon 22-Dec-25 15:39:12

There isn’t anything you can do except accept. You say she is being moved by the authorities so they will be aware of her situation. If you are concerned about the children’s safety you must report, otherwise just try to keep a relationship with your daughter going.
Yes of course you will miss the children, but like so many on here, our children move and usually much further than 3.5 hours, and grandparents have no choice but to deal with it.
It’s tough. Keep things calm with your daughter who is the gatekeeper of who her children have contact with.
OP is original poster, which is you.