Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

Page 1 of 1
Flip | Customise

Trust

(10 Posts)
Add comment | Report
Carmen54 Thu 20-Nov-25 18:53:25

My sister that's 62 has been going out with a guy who is 64 for the last two and a half years. and he works away.. they are planning to get married and moving together ..however to this day, whenever he goes away and she asks him what is he working on he never tells her .. she has recently confronted him about this and asked him does he not trust her... he said he will discuss it with her face to face and she said replied ..you can phone and we can discuss it over the phone and he then answered saying her can we end this meaning the conversation. Your thoughts on this please will be very much appreciated

Add comment | Report
keepingquiet Thu 20-Nov-25 19:46:46

After two and a half years I would expect to know what my partner did for a living.
Of course, if he works away he could lie, but trust is a non-negotiable in a relationship.
Your sister seems very naive in intending to marry a man she doesn't seem to know that well.

Add comment | Report
BlueBelle Thu 20-Nov-25 20:00:18

Do they live together if not has she been to his home not that uncommon for some men to have two families on the go I ve known two men who each had two full families who knew nothing of each other Each had children with both wives

Add comment | Report
Ilovecheese Thu 20-Nov-25 20:12:44

A spook?

Add comment | Report
fancythat Thu 20-Nov-25 20:17:00

There are various jobs that, as a for instance, have to have security clearance.
And which he may not want discussed in a house or on the phone.

How long is he away for at a time?

He could be genuine.
He may not be. But he could be.

Add comment | Report
Jackiest Thu 20-Nov-25 20:17:03

If you are getting married there should be no secrets.

Add comment | Report
Carmen54 Thu 20-Nov-25 22:07:23

Thank you for those replies she does know what he does he goes into large buildings and renovates them he will tell her what town he is but he will never give her exact location one time he did and she called up the hotel that he said he was staying at and they said they didn't know him but that may have been a hotel security thing I have no idea

Add comment | Report
Carmen54 Thu 20-Nov-25 22:09:14

She's in a different country to me but. what she did tell me is that he just goes to her house every month and stays for a week so I'm not quite sure if that's living together or not I'm hoping that not all the replies will be negative at the same time I would like honest opinions thank you

Add comment | Report
welbeck Thu 20-Nov-25 22:12:03

Is this genuine?
It's hard to believe a woman in her 60s could be so naive.

Add comment | Report
keepingquiet Thu 20-Nov-25 23:27:29

Carmen54

She's in a different country to me but. what she did tell me is that he just goes to her house every month and stays for a week so I'm not quite sure if that's living together or not I'm hoping that not all the replies will be negative at the same time I would like honest opinions thank you

No that isn't living together. It sounds convenient for him- I feel she may be being used by him.
You are hoping the replies won't all be negative? Why? This does not sound like a relationship ready for commitment, so telling your sister not to marry him maybe a very positive thing for her.
Honest opinion, but I don't know you or your sister or her partner so I can't give any more advice.

Page 1 of 1
Flip | Customise