New grandparent

We had stair-gates because we lived upstairs.
Our boys didn't tumble down but a visiting child did on one occasion, onto the concrete floor below. He was riding his trike! Anyway he survived and became an airline pilot.

However my DD's childminder didn't believe in stair-gates. After many years of childminding and the mother of 4, I respected her. She taught her charges to come downstairs backwards the way they crawled up but in reverse.

As for offering advice: just don't! Grab them before they go under a car and don't let them drown in the bath but otherwise leave the parenting to them and be glad you don't have to do it anymore

Every time you feel the urge to offer unsolicited opinions, it’s best to continuously make a distinction in your mind between what is a ‘you’ problem and an actual problem for baby’s safety. I find it helps you hold your tongue, which you absolutely need to unless there is objective, imminent danger. “Parenting styles” don’t need to mesh when it comes to parents and grandparents because you are not co-parenting your grandchild. They are the parents. You are an extended relative of the baby who is visiting. When we remember our roles, life with family is easier. Not your baby, not your home. If they ask for advice, by all means share. If they do not ask for your advice and tips, take that at face value. Don’t mar your weekly visits by being the judgmental granny. They will figure it out. Just enjoy the fact that you have such high frequency contact and offer positive reinforcement.

I would like some advice on how you deal with totally different parenting styles to your own.

They are parenting, you've parented.

paddyann54

PS .we did have a lobster pot playpen,our daughter hated it so I used to have my hot drink in it while she cavorted around the outside .Worked for us.lol

we did have a lobster pot playpen
DD bought one that slotted together. DGS soon worked out how to dismantle it.

We did have a stairgate but more to stop the dog going upstairs!
I taught ours to come down on their tummies, feet first.
We had a fire, so had a fire guard.
The reason I used a playpen (large wooden one) when they were babies was so that I could vacuum around each morning, as the dog was very hairy and the babies would have got covered in dog hairs when they crawled around.
This was all to make life less stressful for me.

We say nothing. Their children, their rules.
Wise advice.
If they want to make life more difficult for themselves, it's up to them.

I never say anything that isn't positive. Any negative suggestions wouldn't go down well at all

Parenting has changed so much from my days, but essentially, if the child is well cared for physically, and above all, loved, then all should be well.

We say nothing. Their children, their rules.

We are having to stand by and watch parents making themselves ill with the largely self-inflicted stress of rearing two normal, relatively straightforward little GC. We are concerned for the longer term emotional well-being of the whole family, but just try not to think about it too much. They are physically safe anyway.

We’ve learned not to say anything, just be on hand when we are asked for support. Suggestions are not well received and have caused more problems than they solved. We do look after GC weekly - but it’s out of necessity (theirs). They don’t think we are fully capable because of our perceived age/physical limits and inadequate knowledge of the needs of the children.

And we are old enough to have seen children raised in all kinds of different families, leading apparently happy and successful lives. Being loved and learning to love others are the most important things at the end of the day. And that is something GPs can always do.

Maybe spend time with gd playing on the stairs. Show them modes of ascent and descent if they haven't found out for themselves already "Look mum how clever x is sliding down.etc".

Say nothing that isn't positive 🥰

Praise whenever you can.

Ask if there's anything they'd like you to do to help.
Emptying the dishwasher, emptying the bins, weeding the garden are jobs I get asked to do.

Bite your tongue when you need to 🤐

Check before you buy anything that it's something they'd like and will use, especially if it's a big item.

Take a deep breath, smile and relax 🤗

Their baby…….their responsibility. Say nowt……..until they ask for advice or suggestions and even then, be very cautious with your responses.

PS .we did have a lobster pot playpen,our daughter hated it so I used to have my hot drink in it while she cavorted around the outside .Worked for us.lol

We never had stair gates for our children or the grandchildren.
My mother never used them and my very wise ( mother of six) GP advised against them .She said “whenwil you take the gates away…when they start school” so we just watched the, climb stairs and taught them to come down on their bottom there were no accidents my daughter is almost 48 and my son 38
We also put them in a single bed as soon as they attempted to climb out of their cots,
My daughter’s first baby was a real daredevil from a year old ….hewould happily climb the stairs but came down on his stomach ,head first .She placed pillows at the bottom .
Hes almost 23 and no injuries.
Now we see children who have no confidence instead of no fear because mothers are scared to let them do anything that entails risk.Hence the snowflake generation.
My opinion only

I was hoping you got more answers/ideas than this as I am no expert.

No stairgates bother me.
Sounds like she is crawling.

Ring a relevant charity for advice?

When I became a grandparet I vowed never to give advice unless asked and I have stuck to it . If that is the way they want to live tham let them .

Oh gosh, that's so hard. You can make gentle suggestions, but they may see it as interfering.

Parenting has changed from when we had little ones, but babies still need stimulation, a safe environment, and love. Sometimes us grandparents have a hard time with the way the next generation raise their little ones, but do try to remember back to when you were a new parent. Some advice you accepted, and other was acknowledged but not put into action.

I would say something if only it was a real safety issue (the stairs).