No thanks.

Why did you not say to them........Did you not get your presents ? I wondered because you haven't said thanks!

mrsmeldrew

Sent £100 to eldest step grandchild - now adult. No acknowledgement. So no more.

👍 This is my thinking at the moment.

justwokeup

My DM used to complain about not getting ’thank yous’ from some of her GC but I once asked her if she thanked them for the presents they always sent to her. The next day she gave me letters to post to them. They all got in touch to thank her for the letters and her gifts. Let’s hope we all practice what we preach.

This sounds like my childless aunt. She was forever complaining about ‘ never being thanked’ for her quite modest gifts, but, as far as I know, thanked for a gift given in person, but not otherwise.
Her other issue with relatives’ families was that she ‘ had to give four, but only got one back’!

I’ve had a text thanking me for gifts and a message to say they’ll pop in with mine x

I receive no thanks even in text form from my niece but was very pleased to have a delightful written thank you from my nephew's Polish wife. Manners must still be inculcated in Poland.
My own children and grandchildren are punctilious in sending thank yous after gifts or meals out.

Sent £100 to eldest step grandchild - now adult. No acknowledgement. So no more.

Harris27

Same here gave four £50; and tubs of sweets and small gifts each not a word. Hubby just says it’s the way they are but it’s hurtful.

Exactly.

justwokeup

My DM used to complain about not getting ’thank yous’ from some of her GC but I once asked her if she thanked them for the presents they always sent to her. The next day she gave me letters to post to them. They all got in touch to thank her for the letters and her gifts. Let’s hope we all practice what we preach.

They never buy me presents.

Same here gave four £50; and tubs of sweets and small gifts each not a word. Hubby just says it’s the way they are but it’s hurtful.

You’re probably right, Doodledog, the only way to truly know what’s happened is to ask the recipient! Otherwise it is conjecture.

On taking things for granted, I think because we’ve lived abroad in developing countries, personally we are grateful for everyday things. My dd2 is very much a ‘Third Culture Kid’, her experiences have really informed her life and set her apart from others, in a good way.

Your take on gratitude is also interesting! I looked up the meaning as I don’t see the same things as you. I think perhaps you view gratitude as also being indebted or beholden to the giver, whereas I take it at face value. They did a nice thing and I thank them for it and that’s the ‘transaction’ completed, if you like. I certainly would not want anyone to feel beholden to me for anything!

foxie48

NotSpaghetti

foxie48 I hope you haven't sussed your system of payment for thanks.
It does sound fairly grim to me and I know I would have been very cross about it as a child. It seems to be encouraging "cupboard love".

Nope, it is absolutely about engagement and we are not talking about children, these are all older teenagers or in their early 20's. Frankly, if they can't be arsed to send a quick message of thanks at Christmas and birthday, I can't be bothered to remember to put money in their bank accounts. Their parents are fully supportive of my approach and are also not in the business of prompting their thank yous!

It has made me feel like this which is a shame.

I used to send money for our nephews and niece for their birthdays and Christmas up to a certain age.
One year, one didn't send a thank you and one didn't even cash his cheque!
At that point I decided those two obviously didn't need my token offering. (They were actually my husband's nephews anyway).

Fast forward and they all had children of their own, so I started sending a small present or cash gift to them.
Again no thanks from the original pair so I stopped sending to their children after a few years. I doubt if they even noticed.

The dilemma I have now is that my sister and sister-in-law send presents to my grandchildren, which obviously cost more than the token cash gift I've been sending to theirs, so I feel a bit awkward in stopping sending to them even though I don't get any acknowledgement.
Hey ho 🤷🏼

Teaching children to do this from an early age is what is required. Maybe not thank you notes but a drawing with crayons or just saying thank you on face time. A good habit to instill in children.

OP, you are absolutely not a grouch! It’s just good manners and £50 is a large amount not to even be acknowledged!

It takes so little time to phone or message, how I remember how long it took me to write my thank you letters as a child, each had to mention the actual present and something personal about the sender!

Nobody should need prompts over the age of 12. It should be an automatic activity.

Nobody should need prompts at 20 anyway.
I agree on this!

NotSpaghetti

foxie48 I hope you haven't sussed your system of payment for thanks.
It does sound fairly grim to me and I know I would have been very cross about it as a child. It seems to be encouraging "cupboard love".

Nope, it is absolutely about engagement and we are not talking about children, these are all older teenagers or in their early 20's. Frankly, if they can't be arsed to send a quick message of thanks at Christmas and birthday, I can't be bothered to remember to put money in their bank accounts. Their parents are fully supportive of my approach and are also not in the business of prompting their thank yous!

Yes, Wyllow, a photo like that, I would take as a 'thanks'.

We are in various WhatsApp Groups. One Offspring/Sib/Grandchild starts off with the 'thank-you' post, and the others join in as they get round to reading the messages.
Good plan. to ask what did they buy.

Just rudeness really. Bad manners.

Sense of entitlement ?

I can remember being made to write "thank you" letters as a child. Parents who bring up their children without the basic social skills of please, thank you and excuse me are setting them up to fail when they go into employment and display this sense of entitlement at interviews.

foxie48 I hope you haven't sussed your system of payment for thanks.
It does sound fairly grim to me and I know I would have been very cross about it as a child. It seems to be encouraging "cupboard love".

My gc are now all capable of making the decision to thank me or not. I put £ in their bank accounts for Christmas and now send a personal message to them via WhatsApp and a card. All they have to do is a quick reply. If I don't get a reply in a year I deduct money from the next gift, a quick thanks and I add something to the next gift, a really engaged reply gets a bigger uplift. I have absolutely no qualms about doing this as it's my money and tbh I'll give it to those who don't rely on me making all the effort. When they were young I accepted the thank yous were prompted, now it's up to them

My 17 year old grandson opened gifts he had asked for from me yesterday and I popped a card in with some cash. He never said thank you until I asked if had found the card and money. I always get a thank you letter mid January tho that has been written under orders from his mum but just a smile and thank you when I am with him would he lovely. His 19 year old sister did not come and I sent her gift bag and money back. I did get a text saying thank you and sorry she didn’t come and I sent a reply saying hope she had a good day and it was never opened. I guess mum told her to send a text but she had no internet in what I sent back!!