Found an old ex's diary

I don’t even know why you’re asking this. You exchange Christmas cards, so you have his address. Just post it back to him, it might bring him some joy to recapture memories from his youth.

You keep it or destroy it...Leave it in the past where it belongs...

I have a collection of letters written to a close friend over many years and they are a great reminder of who I once was and what life was like, spanning my first job to being the mother of teenage children. There are also letters written to and from DH from before we married and then when he was away for a term, leaving me with two small children and the second term of my teacher training course. They conjure up our younger selves and a past time and I would like my GD to read them one day when she is much older.

I shredded my teenage diaries and am rather sorry I did. I took up occasional diary writing when DH’s Parkinson’s was taking him away and am still moved sometimes to write about both the past and the present. Someone some day will have to decide whether to read or keep these records of old age - much less interesting than those earlier in my life.

It sounds to me like you still hold a candle for him? Maybe trying to recreate your lost youth? I'm guilty of this myself. If you're now single and he is, why not?? Nothing ventured, nothing gained. If he's still married or in a relationship, then no.

Leave well alone,the past is the past and there it belongs

If you have them, maybe he gave them to you? You could offer them to him but only if it would be unlikely to 'rock the boat'. Assuming this doesn't happen, I think it depends what they contain and whether you would be happy for your family to read them in the future. I kept my teenage diaries until a year or two ago when I had a last read and shredded the lot. I don't regret it one bit!

silverlining48

I think you shoukd ask if he wants it. It is his property after all.

Absolutely right!

And now that this post is floating around cyber space, very necessary.

This situation could be the beginning of a novel... Or the two could make a novel....
In fact, I agree with others: tell him about it and see what he wants done with the diary.
I'm wondering what to do with the hundreds of letters DH and I wrote to each other before our marriage and including some when he had ro be away for his work. They are very intimate but also reflect life the early and mid 60s.

Sell it to Netflix.

silverlining48

I found my old teenage diaries a couple of years ago and was mortified by the content, so burnt them all.

Mine mainly consisted of what I had for tea and homework and how I liked Becky’s hair colour and what I would say if Sam asked me out.🤭

crazyH

I’m getting set to destroy all my dairies - I will do a big bonfire 😂

May we read them before you do that?😁 post one day at a time for our enjoyment?

Let him have it back, he will prob want to relive memories.

Perhaps ask if he wants his diary sent on to him.

I found my old teenage diaries a couple of years ago and was mortified by the content, so burnt them all.

I wouldn't read it - or keep it.
It is his unless he actually gave it to you.
How on earth did you come to have it?

I'd offer it back. If he doesn't want it I'd dispose of it.

As you are still in friendly contact just tell him and see what he wants done with the diary.

Is he married or has a partner and are you? If so would you want them to see the diaries after you’ve gone. If not then probably best to destroy them. If there is nothing to worry about then ask him if he wants them.

I have usually had 2 diaries for most years in my life from when I was a young teenager. The mundane one was the one with appointments and dates to remember and birthdays etc etc. The more private one was for my eyes only , and reading through them occasionally over the years, has reminded me of forgotten days good and bad.

I was quite good at sort of setting the scene on occasion, and sometimes read an extract that takes me back to the sounds and smells and feelings of a particular occasion. How I felt, the special or dreaded anticipation of something, what I had to eat , who else was there. I seem to have quite good recall generally, not something that I am always pleased about , as can get the awful feelings that I had on certain occasions. Never able to forget the moment I was told that my granny was killed in a car crash , when I have a sort of frozen total recall of sounds, smells, what I was wearing everything. But also have the wonderful total recall of standing in a garden in the summer evening with a light breeze, can picturewhat I was wearing, the smell of lavender, and mint and that sort of cool smell after a very hot day. So my diaries are there to check times and things out and to sometimes bring lovely days spent with my husband to mind.

I used to write long letters to my mother for the two years I lived in portugal, which not only had family matters in them but also feasts and occasions that I saw and these were all kept and are now in a museum, as they give a sense of life in Portugal at that time. So despite all the internet etc I think there is something special about diaries kept over long period, and I have lived my life to the best I could, making mistakes and doing all sorts of things over the years, and I dont intend to destroy them. Rather I leave it up to my son or whoever to read what they want and do as they like with them. It wont worry me by then, but they might be interested in some of my goings on , and I dont care if they get a few shocks and surprises, as I wasnt always an old lady, and I will be glad that they will be reminded that I did live a life, as they are now doing.

I’m getting set to destroy all my dairies - I will do a big bonfire 😂

Esmay

I'd be inclined to destroy it .
Unless you think that your ex would be upset .
Can you ask him ?
Is he married or does he have a partner ?
Could it cause waves ?
I wouldn't want my descendants to read something so personal .

I agree.

Is he married or does he have a partner?
Could it cause waves ?

It's not yours to keep, JulieKT but tread carefully, ask him if he wants you to shred it or send it back to him.

Ask. If you can't, then its doesn't really matter, as long as you keep confidences. that's where the morality lies.

Alternatively, simply ask yourself what you would really like were it the other way around.

I'd keep it and compare with mine to understand a tricky bit of my life so's to better understand its path. If it doesn't "do this for you, chuck it anyway.

I'd be inclined to destroy it .
Unless you think that your ex would be upset .
Can you ask him ?
Is he married or does he have a partner ?
Could it cause waves ?
I wouldn't want my descendants to read something so personal .

I would be tempted to leave yours and his to somebody. It sounds as though it might make very interesting reading to your descendants.

Having said that, if there are things in the diaries that you would really rather were not disclosed then it would be a bad idea.

In 1975, I found a teenage diary I kept in 1968 and I destroyed it because at the time, I found it so cringy. I now wish I had kept it as a personal record and also a record of a past era.

I think you shoukd ask if he wants it. It is his property after all.

Definitely chuck