I'm not a hotel

We all need to put on our big girl pants as we age. Yes, I have hosted over 100 guests over the years, of varying gratomitude, politeness, rudeness too, but a few were a true joy., as they pitched in. I resist inviting people now, don't prompt them either, and it seems to have worked. When we meet up now its very short. Short and sweet.

Also if you get a cheeky one, saying they will bring sleeping bags or similar just say, no you misunderstand we don't want any visitors staying we find it exhausting.

If anyone rings expecting to stay just say you cannot put them up but could meet up for a meal during their proposed visit if you are at home. No explanation required.

That is why you do not give a reason or seek to justify saying No.
Those people are long experienced and well practised in cheeky pluckery.
The merest hint of an excuse and they will drive a coach and horses through it.
Give them no quarter.
Nor quarters.
Stand your ground.

butterandjam

JulieAT

I have the perfect solution. There is no bed in the spare room .

Good luck with that.

I've had responses including

"It's ok, we have sleeping bags and don't mind sleeping on the sofa/ floor .

Sorry to hear you've been in hospital; no need to feed us, we'll just cook for ourselves.

We'll bring and prepare all our own food all we need is a tiny space in your fridge.

We'll bring camping stoves. You'll hardly know we're there.

I know you said no dogs but he's a pedigree.

JulieAT

I have the perfect solution. There is no bed in the spare room .

Good luck with that.

I've had responses including

"It's ok, we have sleeping bags and don't mind sleeping on the sofa/ floor .

Sorry to hear you've been in hospital; no need to feed us, we'll just cook for ourselves.

We'll bring and prepare all our own food all we need is a tiny space in your fridge.

We'll bring camping stoves. You'll hardly know we're there.

I know you said no dogs but he's a pedigree.

welbeck

50ShadesofGreyMatter

NO is a complete sentence. If that's too short, "we are unable to have guests for the foreseeable future", they may ask why, don't respond just rinse and repeat. The solution is in your hands.

This.

Read.
Mark.
Learn
And inwardly digest.

Job done. Thanks poster.

Good reply.

50ShadesofGreyMatter

NO is a complete sentence. If that's too short, "we are unable to have guests for the foreseeable future", they may ask why, don't respond just rinse and repeat. The solution is in your hands.

This.

Read.
Mark.
Learn
And inwardly digest.

Job done. Thanks poster.

I think a lot of problems are caused by not being straightforward.
People shouldn't invite themselves or presume to stay chez vous.
But if they try to
just say no that doesn't work for us.
No apology.
You've done nothing wrong in not bending yourself to their will.
This line needs to be asserted.
I've noticed some people keep up a veneer of being ever so nice and then gossiping and complaining about other people.
This could be avoided by not being so overly nice to begin with.
Nobody needs a good reason not to do something.
Unless a matter of law there is almost nothing that anyone has to do.
So just say no I don't do that.
Or not for me.

Not quite the same, but we have a wonderful caravan in a beautiful spot in North Wales. It is our hard earned haven and retreat. We only let a very limited group of people stay there after a couple of incidents of it being left in a beyond unacceptable condition. Come Spring, all sorts of people, especially colleagues with whom I wouldn’t want to spend leisure time, start cosying up to us in the hope that they can have a free holiday. The answer now is always a hard ‘no’. I don’t feel the need to give a reason.

Frogoet - Sorry for your loss. I like company and I guess you would welcome visitors at the moment.
Personally I find the preparations for guests becoming overwhelming as I get older, though it is usually family so I get them to make up the beds with the clean bed linen etc.
When I stay with my DS and his family I sleep on a sofa bed in the lounge. I take a sleeping bag with me so they don't have to deal with bedding and it is easy to pack it into its bag every morning. I've just returned from a visit to them to meet my newest grandson and the last thing they need at the moment is more washing to do! I also bought fish and chips one evening for us all as it was getting late and they were trying to decide what to cook as things had been chaotic. If guests don't muck in and help and at least contribute something I think it is very inconsiderate and I sympathise with the OP!
One of my DS's uni friends has asked to stay with me a few times as he sometimes has to come to my area for things he is invoved in and he is still a PhD student, so short of money. The first time he came I hadn't met him before but had heard a lot about him, so I was happy to host. He gave me flowers and was no trouble. The next time he saw the state of my garden and said "How would you feel if I stayed an extra night and cleared the garden for you?" He did a fantastic job and the next time he repeated the arrangement and sorted the front garden too! He is godfather to DS's eldest and when I thanked him for all his hard work he said "What else should a godfather do for his godson's granny?" I'm happy to have him anytime as he is now like family!
Conversely an old friend came to stay last summer having invited herself at short notice. She had had problems with her flat being flooded and despite the fact that I was preparing to go away on holiday a few days later, I agreed as I felt sorry for her. It was a nightmare as she was really hard work and I realised why she had had to leave the previous place she'd stayed! Hopefully she won't invite herself again but I might have to say no if she does. We need to realise our limitations as we get older, and saying no has to be an option.

We moved into our new home last May.

In 90 nights we had guests for 42 of those!

One weekend we had 7 guests, making 9 of us, thankfully it was family but still work.

I was exhausted not to mention the cost.

Thankfully it’s all calmed down!

Mae13 I am afraid not. The guests I'm thinking of would come for a full week, have festival tickets booked for things my friend wasn't interested in.
If shopping needed doing they would replace with the cheapest. Always boasting about how cheaply they lived
I never met the couple and never wanted to.

My friend is in his 80s now and has a young lodger so everyone knows there's no room for freeloaders.

Try this if you can’t say ‘no’ -
I’m hosting foreign students this year, I thought I would see how it worked out and I’m really enjoying it.
This covers you for the whole year- it can also be used year on year if needed. Good luck

Grammaretto

My friend who lives in a very nice flat in Edinburgh finds friends come out of the woodwork every year at Festival time.

When he grumbled about them we told him it was his own fault, he should just say no but some people find it very hard to say no.

Wow! A flat in Edinburgh must be a real magnet for all and sundry come August.

I hope these temporary lodgers have the graciousness to make a financial contribution towards costs.

NO is a complete sentence. If that's too short, "we are unable to have guests for the foreseeable future", they may ask why, don't respond just rinse and repeat. The solution is in your hands.

ExDancer - you seem keen to remain polite whilst refusing and I understand completely. However, if you give the impression that your refusal is a 'one off' because you have plans for something else at that particular time, or you just want a rest for this year, you won't solve the problem and you need to be honest as others have said. Don 't beat about the bush. You've no longer got the energy to host and it's more important for you to have privacy in your own home. So, suggest some local accommodation, and then upscale if you feel you want to by offering a lunch or dinner, but downscale by suggesting you meet in a restaurant or for a picnic. There's nothing wrong with saying "sorry but it's no longer convenient". I had this problem when I lived in London and had two small rooms with decent sofabeds that were used as sitting rooms/workspaces during the day. One particular relative often came "for work" turning up in time for dinner, and leaving the following morning after breakfast. I knew that the employer gave a generous overnight allowance but that was simply pocketed without even a cheap bottle of wine, bunch of flowers, or box of chocolates being brought. On one occasion I learned after the event that there was no "work" commitment and we were simply a convenience while they visited an old friend. Whether it's for one night or three, you're still left with a room out of action and the bed linen to wash and bathroom to clean. The next time we were 'told' they were coming, I simply said it wasn't convenient. You really do need to be straightforward on this otherwise your summer 2026 will disappear.

I’m reading this tonight six months after husband died and today my dog died suddenly. My children stay rarely Busy with eork and single life. Friends from where we lived before husband injured have melted bar the very best and come rarely. Tgey still work. Good people here but Tgey don’t need my 3 spare beds. I understand it’s hard work but there are ways to ease it. If you enjoy their company there’s fish and chips and a meal out. Maybe short and sweet. Please embrace that feeling of people around you. It’s very quiet here tonight.

You could say you’ve started doing Bn B and the charge will be x per night, or xxx for DBB, if it is just the cost that’s worrying you, but an outright No, if you don’t want to host any more.

We had an ex work colleague of my husband who arrived from France twice a year for nearly 20 years. At first it was a pleasant reunion, but I did all the cooking etc. 2 years ago he was 89 and I thought surely he won't still come. We had downsized, so he had to book b and b .He used to travel all over the UK by train. But come he did, smelly strongly of pee. We stuck it out, thankfully this time just a few days. After he had gone (we wondered about Ryanair!) we found one armchair soaked in urine, and the front seat if the car. He also used to stay with his deceased mother's neighbour up north, and had done for 30 years! Fortunately I had her phone number, so I found out they had had the same trouble. They were much older than us. The woman had told him they could no longer cope. The spare bed and one chair has to be destroyed, they were ££££ out of pocket. He had also put charity shop clothes in their loft. Anyway, we emailed and said how upset we were. We said we would continue our relationship by email, and we exchange a few per year . I'm sure his French partner did not know. The lady up north died shortly after, so we don't know any more.

Just say 'I'm sorry, I've stopped having people to stay as it's just too much for me these days.'

Years ago we moved to a cottage in the country with a self contained annex. We had the same problem as ExDancer. All the people we'd left behind when we moved wanted to come and stay, regardless of the season - one couple came for a fortnight! I remember one day I was just stripping the bed sheets from the last visitors when the next lot were coming down the drive. It all got too much and we started to turn all but family and close friends down. Not only was it costing us an absolute fortune it was also very hard work. The only bonus was that close friends would come and house-sit and look after the dogs/cats whilst we went away for a break.

My parents had the same issue. I don't think people realise the added stresses and expense their "few days" causes to their hosts. A few times, 'a few days' turned into 2 weeks and "I didn't think you'd mind that I brought so and so along!"
Eventually my Mum just had to bite the bullet and write to them all explaining that she could no longer manage to have guests stay. Unfortunately only 1 couple kept in touch after that.

Family are different Sazz I don't think the OP is thinking of family visitors.

We lived near the Kent coast in the days when people crossed the channel in ferries.
One particular couple came every year on their car journeys to and from Scotland.

I didn't know them well or particularly like them. DH university friends.

Then we moved to Scotland with 2 small DC and we never saw them again. They didn't offer to help us settle in or show us hospitality.
I know I shouldn't hold grudges but

Totally get you. We moved to a seaside resort and was inundated with visitors every weekend - usually families of 4 so I’d had to buy food for 8 from a Friday till a Sunday and it was costing us a fortune - don’t get me wrong they were always grateful and would but flowers or but a snack out but it didn’t touch what we had to lay out. We would constantly have to think of places to visit - even the car park at the beach could cost 15.00 and then there were the ice creams etc nothing was cheap

We decided to start having students to give a bit of a income and that put a stop
To anyone staying

You could tell a little white lie and say you have found some volunteering work at the weekend so unable to entertain as much