Being excluded from Hen do!

Rise above. However, I strongly recommend that you UNfollow her on social media. Thoughtless people can and do hurt people in their lives in this manner. Over & over. I let my kids know years ago that I do NOT look at their socials. If they want me to know something, call or text. It has saved me several heartaches.

Very thoughtless.

I got asked to my subsequently Ex DiL’s hen do the night before it happened, so I’m convinced it was a push from my DS that I got invited at all, I went so as not to make it awkward for my DS
To be honest from what you say it probably wouldn’t have been that much fun for you anyway, I’d say nothing, it would not achieve anything and might cause an argument between your DS & DDiL which you would not wish to instigate

crazyH

How upsetting for you and such disregard for you, by your future DIL. I wonder what your son thinks about that 🤔 - is it because she thought you were not well enough to go abroad ?
I’m not wanting to upset you, but if it was me, the hurt would have lasted ages. But then, I am one of those who just overthinks and somehow find it hard to forget.
But as others, who are much better people than I am, have said to not let it get to you. Do that and maintain your relationship with your D.I.L for the sake of the GC

Did Roxynounou say the hen party was abroad?
So many different opinions, but I could agree with Geordiegirl that maybe she saw it as being for ‘bride’s side’ only. It could be that her own mum was very keen to go, so Auntie was taken along to keep her company. Brother’s girlfriend could also be a logical invitation, who knows?
Anyway, a bit of me thinks it would be best to say you’ve seen the pictures, and would love to have gone, rather than making barbed remarks or being ‘unavailable’ for childcare. Letting these things fester and escalate can lead to estrangement, especially when you don’t know the full picture.
I remember hearing Cher saying that her mother used to tell her to ask herself if it will matter in five years’ time, and if not, let it go, it’s not worth it.

My DD has just returned from a hen do abroad. The only people invited were brides close friends and 2 of her SILs. No mums invited. If they invite one mum they should invite both imo. The comment wasn't very nice either. Do you have a gd relationship with her?

Lucky escape in my opinion, most hen do’s are painful.
( hate any ‘organized fun’ )
But I get why you’re upset.

Crass or clumsy behaviour - but take it as a 'warning shot' of behaviour that might happen again. Be less available for the less attractive demands on your time and attention.

I know this is petty but I’d ask her why she’d let her daughter stay with someone she herself doesn’t care about.

MrsMatt

I would have been peed off too.

When my son got married last year, my DIL had her big Hen do in London, with her sister, Bridesmaids and friends.

The following week her sister organised another Hen do for us older ladies, younger ones were included too if they wanted to join in. She organised a lovely afternoon tea at a gorgeous little tea room.

Your son has clearly made a wise choice of spouse. She sounds lovely

I would have been peed off too.

When my son got married last year, my DIL had her big Hen do in London, with her sister, Bridesmaids and friends.

The following week her sister organised another Hen do for us older ladies, younger ones were included too if they wanted to join in. She organised a lovely afternoon tea at a gorgeous little tea room.

Would you have wanted to go?
Or would you have gone because you thought you should do?

I'm sure my daughters in law know I wouldn't have wanted to go... and I know they love me now but did they really do this at the time of their weddings? Probably not. I would have mattered to them only in that I was the mother of their husbands-to-be.

Try to put this aside.
It almost certainly means nothing at all.

I was relieved not to be asked by one (in America) and to be given an immediate "get out" by the other. I don't think this is your thing but I'm having a "hen do" on ....
Thank you! 🙏

Some nasty people around in the world. Your dil doesn't sound a very nice person. I doubt she will change.

I feel very hurt for you. We all have lots of suggestions , but of course it is you that has to deal with this horrible situation, not us.

I think until relatively recently hen does were a modest gathering of the Bride's friends. To enjoy being together before the big day.

They have now mushroomed into huge, costly affairs and judging by some comments, an opportunity for bickering.

It was always traditional for brides to invite their own family and friends, rather than the groom's, so perhaps she did not even think.

You could say that she seems to have had a good time, but it upset you that she did not care about you.

Not long after DD and SiL got married I had occasion to be upset at something he'd said. We had a right ding dong argument. It could have been awful. The red mist had descended on us both. I usually go quiet if I'm angry because I'm afraid of what I might say. But on this occasion I spoke out. So did he. We've actually ended up very close. He's very dear to me now and is very kind and really looks out for me. It was painful at the time but ended up very much for the best.

Aveline

I think that it's absolutely shocking that you've been excluded in this way. Sad to say that it says a lot about your future DiL. I do think it's not unreasonable to say to your son how distressed and excluded you felt. He probably didn't even think about it. He should have and so should she. You could ask him if this is going to be how it is in future? That might get him thinking and remembering your hurt.

I would definitely NOT say anything to your son about how you feelas I would not wnt to put him in the middle of it all and certainly wouldn't want to cause any problems between DS and his wife. The problem is between how wife and you.

Have a good cry OP then put it behind you. In the scheme of things its not the worst thing to happen.

You could have dodged a bullet. Some hen dos are the work of the devil.

The comment was thoughtless, but probably just that. So much cringeworthy rubbish spouted on social media. I am so pleased it was not around when my DDs were teens.

I hope you enjoy the wedding. A glass of bubbly and a big smile.

Humberbear - if both you and the brides’s mother were excluded, what is the problem ? They probably only wanted the young ones there.

Sorry - want to also say we do everything not to cause a falling out like Adam Peaty or the Beckhams.

Myself and the mother of the bride were both excluded from the Hen do and frankly it was just the start of many ways in which I have been ignored over the years. I have ne’er mentioned it to DS or his wife, I just grin and bear it but all the different incidents have stayed in my mind.

Please do not make this a big issue.

Like Maremia posted, drop into conversation how did your hen do go, hope you had a good time

You do not want to do anything that jeopardises your relationship with your son, d-I-l and GC.

I can understand your upset, but as time goes on make her like you.
Do what is right, be kind, be helpful/consistent and thoughtful, and change her thoughts towards you.
When others let her down, and they will, you will move up her list of favourites.

Simply ask, 'How did it go?'
And continue to enjoy your contact with the child.

I wouldn't comment at all.

That almost makes it worse.