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Another dilemma

(11 Posts)
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NanaTuesday Fri 14-Aug-26 19:21:30

So fast forward from my travelling problems , which yes I could go on & on about but I won’t .

Next month is a big birthday for my DH & DD2 & SIL are giving him a surprise party at their house. Garden weather permitting đŸ„”
Not a big bash but we have 8 children between us & numerous GC & now GCC .Its going to be a surprise & as it’s at their home he will have no idea . So far so good .
It’s just a family event in the garden nothing major celebrating a big birthday & as my DC all say he treats every one & they want to treat him .
On to the rest of the guest list , a few of his good friends & my DH’s ex wife who we /I get on with spend their 2 DS birthdays with etc . However on calling her to invite her she asked if she could bring her “New BF”
So what’s with my dilemma if we get on so well ?
Because I feel she’s making it about her .
She hasn’t known him long matter of weeks, he will be an unknown quantity to everyone else there .
I feel a bit mean saying “No” but that’s how I feel .
,I said I’d check with my DD & SIL
but it’s obviously also my decision as well . It was also my GDs who asked if I was inviting her & we made that decision as a family when the whole party idea came up
.
Opinions please 🙏

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MissAdventure Fri 14-Aug-26 20:12:14

I'd let her come.
I doubt anyone is the slightest bit interested in granny, and her latest squeeze.

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CanadianGran Fri 14-Aug-26 21:05:56

The fact that she wants to bring the new fella to a big family do tells me she is fond of him and it might be easier for her to introduce him the the wider family all in one go.

I think you'll be so busy being hostess that you won't have to mingle too closely with them, and it might be easier rather than in a smaller group setting. I say be gracious and accept her 'plus one'.

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Cossy Fri 14-Aug-26 21:56:51

Go with the flow, let her come and bring her new bf. Then report back to us as to his attributes!

Be the bigger person and your dear family and DH will think all the more of you.

I hope your DH enjoys his party.

Don’t stress, enjoy the day flowers

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Gmax3 Fri 14-Aug-26 22:26:05

I agree with the 3 above. Letting her have her plus one is a gracious move.

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V3ra Fri 14-Aug-26 22:37:14

The new boyfriend might prefer not to come anyway?
If he does it won't detract from your husband being the centre of attention at his own party.
You might all get on famously! 🙂

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Fallingstar Fri 14-Aug-26 22:51:31

I think it could be seen as churlish if you say no. Maybe your DH’s ex wife is looking forward to being able to attend such a gathering with a plus one rather than coming alone. Your call but I would let her bring her new man and try to ensure neither of them feel awkward.

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Nannynoodles Sat 15-Aug-26 08:20:37

I would ask their joint children if they were happy for him to be there - have they met him yet?
If so I would let her come, it might be nice for your husband to see his ex happy with someone else as he is happy with you.

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BlueBelle Sat 15-Aug-26 08:33:20

As it’s a biggish family group ( 8 children and numerous grandchildren and great grandchildren seems enormous to me) and all will be intermingling I agree with all the other posts it would be churlish to refuse.

I m sure I d feel more comfortable with a new fella in tow at my ex husband party than standing on my own seeing the happy families that I m not really part of any more.

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NanaTuesday Sun 16-Aug-26 11:54:37

CanadianGran

The fact that she wants to bring the new fella to a big family do tells me she is fond of him and it might be easier for her to introduce him the the wider family all in one go.

I think you'll be so busy being hostess that you won't have to mingle too closely with them, and it might be easier rather than in a smaller group setting. I say be gracious and accept her 'plus one'.

Canadiangran / Bluebelle

Yes , totally agreeing with yours & all the comments here 👌
I know she is happy about meeting him after her numerous attempts at relationship happiness & was excited to tell me about him .So yes it will be a good idea to meet him along with the rest of the family .
NB : Normally we don’t all get together like this ( the two / three families DH has been married twice before with DC from each marriage)
As a rule of thumb this his 2nd EW , us & his Sons get together for dinner high days & holidays or read that as birthdays . We all have a good relationship , so that’s a good thing to keep going .

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crazyH Sun 16-Aug-26 12:10:08

I have to smile - this is all alien to me. But then, I’m bitter and twisted. Since I divorced 25 years ago, I have only been twice in the presence of my ex-husband and his new wife, and that was at the weddings of my sons.
It’s wonderful that you can all play ‘happy families’ together - good luck !

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