Why can't I wear this to a wedding?

Witzend

Since it’s very likely something you’d rarely wear anyway, I’d tell dd that the money I’m saving by not buying anything new that I don’t need, the cash will be added to whatever I’m giving Gdd as a wedding present.

Yes, I'd say that too.

"Aren’t we all supposed to be recycling rather than buying new all the time?"
And this!

My wedding dress wasn't lace and, even if it was, it wouldn't have bothered me if a guest wore lace in a different colour.

I bought a designer hat, lovely dress and jacket from eBay for my daughter’s BFs wedding. Total cost £40. The shoes and bag I’d already worn to another family wedding. Nobody said anything and why would they. Had I bought it all new we’d be talking about £800.

I didn’t know that about lace, especially if it is coffee coloured and not cream or white, but if lace is a problem at a wedding then maybe this is it.
It must be an absolute minefield planning weddings today.

Lathyrus3 👍🏻 I agree about lace at a wedding.

If your daughter doesn't want you to wear the outfit then my advice is don't. Buy another.... perhaps do what a wealthy friend of mine did. She bought her fabulous outfit, for her own daughter's wedding, from a 'New To You ' shop. My friend could easily have afforded a brand new outfit, but she is keen to recycle. Her daughter was perfectly happy with her mother's choice.
Whatever you decide, please don't let clothes cause bad feelings between you and your family.
Have a lovely day when the time comes. Hopefully you will put a photo on GN?

Can you afford to get a new outfit, Sarnia? If so, then it’s a very simple decision…which is more important to you, wearing that outfit, or not upsetting your daughter on a big day for her?
If not, I would just explain to your daughter that you can’t afford a new outfit, and ask for her help in maybe choosing a new hat/scarf/handbag instead…

Ok, I tried to be tactful.

Now I’m going to be blunt.

An outfit of lace, in what could be seen as part of the cream spectrum is not appropriate for a wedding. It is simply too close to bridal wear.

Particularly if the person wearing it is going to feature in photographs with the bride or be seen close to her.

Jst take a look at some of the online comments made about people who have worn outfits like that. I have thought it myself as a guest - admittedly when it was the mother-in-law in cream lace.

I think you daughter is trying to head off an upset.

Since it’s very likely something you’d rarely wear anyway, I’d tell dd that the money I’m saving by not buying anything new that I don’t need, the cash will be added to whatever I’m giving Gdd as a wedding present.

SueDonim

Oh dear! Have you tried it on since the first wedding so you know it still fits and feels comfortable? That might be where to start. If it does indeed still feel good you could suggest to your dd that you’ll get new shoes/bag/jewellery to make it look different. I have to say, a coffee-coloured outfit sounds lovely, to me, lots of potential for accessories.

If your dd still won’t accept your choice , then suggest she pays for a new outfit! Alternatively, just wear it anyway, she’ll be so busy on the day she probably won’t notice what anyone else is wearing.

I thought a coffee coloured outfit for a wedding was great….until I saw the photos later, the colour added ten years to my age😫
To the OP I would say go for a brighter colour and do what your DD advises, you don’t want any family fall outs.

Whitewavemark2

My advice would be to stick to your guns. In practice, I hate upsetting my AC so would probably buy a new outfit.

So my advice is useless😄😄

isn't this the the truth? not about your advice being useless about the reality of not wanting to upset people

Has your daughter actually seen your outfit on? Sometimes an outfit looks much better on than just seen on the hanger. Is she perhaps upset that in her view you’re not making enough of an effort to look your best for Gd’s wedding? Like you I’d be wanting to wear what I have that is comfortable and makes me feel good. Good luck navigating it all!

I agree. In your daughters defence though she is probably feeling very stressed with wedding arrangements!
You have had consistent advice on GN ,
would it help to show the response to her ? 🤔

If it still fits you and you like it, wear it.

I was at a family wedding recently and I wore the same outfit that I wore to another family wedding several years previously.
No-one at the second wedding had seen me in it at the first wedding as they weren’t at the first wedding, but even if some of them had been I would still have worn it. I bought a different handbag and shoes, but that was all.

Interestingly, my SiL wore the same outfit to both her son and her daughters weddings, several years apart, and no one was apoplectic about it 🤣.

If your daughter is insistent, then she should buy your new outfit.

Stick to your guns!!
I bought a lovely hyacinth blue outfit , skirt top and short jacket, 💙 this was for our daughters wedding. I loved it - perfect for me. 4 years later our son married, like you I asked the advice of the lovely people on GN. The advice was - wear it again . I told my son I was having difficulty finding an outfit
he said
" Mum , if the outfit you wore for Fs wedding still fits wear it again " So I did! Obviously many of the guests were invited to both weddings . Don't think anyone noticed and I don't care if they did. I felt comfortable and happy.
The outfit cost an arm and a leg so I was delighted to be able to wear it again .
We have no more ' children' getting married , or it would be out for its 3rd airing!
I hope you don't fall out with your daughter over this, but it really should be your choice . Who cares if some guests notice you are wearing it again (they will more than likely think - ' good on her ' ) a new wedding outfit is as you say not cheap and will never be worn again .
If I could do it for my son I feel sure you can do the same for your GD!
Whats important here is the joining together of two people- not what Grandma is wearing ! Good luck.

Ask your DD when you’ll likely wear any new outfit bought specifically for her DD wedding. If the outfit you describe hasn’t been worn for 7 years I’d anyone going to remember it would also be a suitable remark for DD too.
Personally, I’d wear something I’ve already got provided it’s suitable and more importantly comfortable.

Why is your DD saying this?
Sounds like you have a lovely outfit that is comfortable to wear so her reasoning sounds a bit off, could it be that she doesn’t like your outfit for some reason? Maybe she thinks the colour isn’t right or something, or that it doesn’t suit you, but she doesn’t want to upset you by saying this.
The only one who can clear this up is your DD so just ask her outright why she doesn’t want you to wear this outfit. And if is just because she thinks you should buy a new one, which is odd and wasteful, tell her that you would rather wear the suit you have and leave it at that.

I would wear it provided it’s not moth eaten 😂
Like you said nobody has seen it.
You could always ‘soup’ it up with a nice brooch.
I hate waste.
Unless your daughter is going to treat you of course!

Completely agree with you MissA.

Wear it Sarnia and enjoy your GD's wedding.

MissAdventure

I'd wear it, for the reasons you state, but also because nobody tells me what i may or may not do.

Totally and fully agree, I am me and wear what I feel suits me and no one will change that.

Please wear your lovely sounding outfit I never ever see any point in buying a new outfit for a one off, a wedding or funeral
Why should she compromise Greyfur it’s a lovely outfit only worn once 7 years ago.

Wear it with comfortable pride and be happy you can still get in it, it sounds lovely, hope you all have a lovely day

I would wear it too.

Maybe your DD thinks you don't spend enough on yourself & a new outfit would be a treat? But in practice it's often not, there's nothing in the colour you fancy in your style, size & budget & it's just a headache.

Try it on, if you still feel good in it, buy some new accessories & wear it with pride.

Am I the only one who can see that the daughter is thinking her daughter might ve upset to think she wasn't worthy of a brand new outfit. I wouldn't have even thought about releasing it. Its a big celebration for your family - surely worth splashing out on.

Wear it, it fits well and it's comfortable go with it,or ask your daughter to buy you something new and tell her you probably won't wear it again

Has dd actually seen the outfit as you said you went to the previous wedding on your own? So you could get away with telling her it’s new which it virtually is. As you like it and feel comfortable in it and it suits you that’s much better than traipsing round all the shops trying to find something as good?
Also it’s GD’s wedding not her mums so it’s really what she would like. Dd is being bossy.

Unless there is a specific colour theme for the bridal party, wear it. It is comfortable, sounds lovely,suits you and has not made an appearance at family functions.
Ridiculous to be told to wear a different outfit simply because it must be new.

I’ve used my “wedding outfit” many times, in various guises with a few changes here and there.

I wouldn’t fall out with my daughter over a new dress though. I’d make it the reason for an outing with her.

Though I have to say I wouldn’t wear a a lace outfit in any shade on the neutral spectrum to anybody’s wedding. Perhaps your daughter doesn’t think it appropriate and is trying to find a tactful way of discouraging you?