Separated by immigration

Dear Maine he’s not treating you badly he’s a little lad who hasn’t see you for almost half his life, for two years many children of 5 wouldn’t be interested in sitting talking to someone on the end of a telephone they are looking for attention
What makes you think he’s spoilt?
being a bit cheeky often comes with starting school or around the age of 5 Does he go to school ?
He will have a lot of changes coming into his life if he’s had the sole attention of his mum for 5 years now he will have to learn the baby will be the apple of mums eye so yes he may not be at his best if you are travelling over after the baby is born but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you
Take him a special present in your suitcase and do things with him that he wants to do, get down on the floor and play cars build things with his mega blocs or whatever he’s into If the baby has arrived give him some treats on his own ( taking to the park, going for a walk together etc etc) while mum looks after the new baby
Please don’t have expectations of a child rushing to greet his long lost gran or you will be heading for a big disappointment
You’re the adult he’s a little chap with primitive knowledge of emotions
I hope you enjoy your trip to Ireland take some wet weather gear it’s always drizzling in that green land

Maine52, we have a Zoom session every Sunday morning and the grandchildren can wave or chat if they want to.

However, there is no pressure to stop what they're doing and have a conversation. A typical five year old just doesn't want to do that.

Have realistic expectations, by communicating with your daughter - and give the little lad a break!

He hasn't seen you for a long time and probably just started school and met lots of new people and at the moment, you are just a voice on the phone..

When you visit he will have a real person to bond with and play with, he will love it!

I'm sorry you have such a distance between you. My children also have a big distance between them and their grandfather. They rarely mentioned him but as soon as he was over for a visit he was their whole world.

Video calls might work better, maybe wait till after you visit in person and then arrange a weekly video call. Young children don't hold their interest for long but a 15 minute video call where he can show you his toys or homework might help you feel closer and then you can talk to mum too and see the new baby

Maine,

How have you adapted to being far away from them? They emigrated years ago and you have 2 previous threads with the same info and feelings about the situation

I am afraid that you being worries about the bond with your gc but you do not mention your daughter at all is also worrisome.

Also, your title - how are you separated when an adult has the right to live anywhere?

I have 2 grandchildren in another country who I hadn't seen for nearly 2 years because of Covid. Parents sometimes ring on WhatsApp for video chat, but children (nearly 5, and just 6) have little interest. The older one will now chat a bit or show me something but younger one (boy) hides when he sees the phone!

When they visited, they were fine with us, but the boy is not into hugs and not very chatty. However, if you don't have too many expectations and give him time to get to know you again, it will probably be fine.

Interestingly, the older one, who was 4 at previous visite remembered lots about our house and garden, whereas younger, who was 3, seemed to have no memory of being here before. Children don't seem to form long term memories until 3-4 years.

5 out of 7 of my grandkids live overseas at one point they all lived overseas
It s up to you to build the relationship in whatever way you can but high expectations will be dashed I m afraid

It's hard for a 5 year old to have a telephone conversation Maine that said if your D finds his rudeness amusing and laughs she's not teaching him what's acceptable behaviour and what isn't.

What's amusing and 'cute' in a 5 year old isn't seen the same way in a 10 year old.

I understand why you feel as if you've lost your family but you haven't. You still have your D in your life, your GS and soon another GC. They may not be close geographically but they can still be close to you in other ways.

Don't worry just look forward to November when you'll be able to hold your D and both GC in your arms for a hug.

What's wrong with the OP's title Hithere? She's separated from her family because her D has immigrated from South Africa to Ireland.

Where has she suggested that her adult D or any adult for that matter doesn't have the right to live anywhere?

My children (who are older) won't speak on the phone (just don't like that mode of communication and it's not really how kids that age tend to communicate these days). They do say that they can't wait to be able to see their grandparents in person again though. I don't think you should take this too personally.

I think from my experience that 5 yrs old is when they start learning about a sense of humour. Our 5yo says something funny, we laugh, so it's repeated
'No it's not funny the 2nd time'
'Why?'
They work it out..

AC are on their mobiles far too much (as am I) and being rude and cheeky is a way for children to try to attract their attention after they've spent far too long chatting. Added to that a five year old is starting to push his limits. BlueBelle has great advice for your visit. I'd just add, give him time to come to you and don't overwhelm him with contact until he's ready. I think when you're there you'll notice that most of the time he's not badly behaved at all, only when the dreaded phone comes out.

Keep your expectations low and just be pleased to get a smile from the wee boy!
Don't expect him to run to you with delight. Sorry it doesn't work like that!
Ask him to show you his favourite toys and offer to play games with him but if he gets bored and runs away, that's fine too.
It must feel hard when you were once so much part of his life.
Could you live nearer?

Hithere

Also, your title - how are you separated when an adult has the right to live anywhere?

What is wrong with the title ? OP didn’t say anything about AC being in the wrong for moving away.
Sorry but you always seem to jump on grandparents who dare to be sad about any aspect if their relationship with children or grandchildren.

I agree Lucca.

Separated by immigration, together with other comments from OP, reads to me as an overdramatic statement, as if they were supposed to be together so she could bond with the gc

By itself, it is perfectly fine.

I do comment how gp miss and mourn the relationship with the gc but not with their parents, their AC.

I do comment how gp miss and mourn the relationship with the gc but not with their parents, their AC.

I often note this too Hithere. My daughter and her husband emigrated to NZ and subsequently had a daughter, who is now six. I am very fortunate that although I’ve only spent time with my granddaughter on three occasions we are nevertheless very close, but my primary relationship is with my daughter.

We FaceTime often and text almost every day, but of course I still miss her presence, especially when the rest of the family are together or when I know she would benefit from family support.

Hithere you assume too much. I’ll bet there are many many grandparents on here with family abroad who miss their AC every bit as much as they miss the GC. In my case more . I’d give my eye teeth to just go and have a coffee and a chat with my lovely son