I hardly know how to begin, but I want to support this site and those of you who sadly find yourselves in the awful situation of losing a loved child or grandchild, or close family member.
I am hoping that by sharing our stories - and remember you are not obligated to share anything you do not want to - we may be of help to each other.
My DD was 12 when she died in a car accident. As well as being devastated for me, I know a light went out in my parent's lives. they were heartbroken for me and with me.
Evelyn was my youngest child - an unexpected, but delightful number four and from the start I felt she was especially dear to my mother as we had lived away for some years, but had moved closer just before she was born. My mum had been able to be hands on from the start.
Evelyn died just a few days before my mother's planned 75th birthday party. We went ahead with the gathering as we needed to draw strength from coming together as a family, - it was good that we did this. But my mother sat with me quietly and wept and said ' It should have been me. ' I know that is a common sentiment when we lose someone 'out of the natural order of time.'
I sometimes felt that both my parents tried to be very strong for me and could not show their own grief in front of me. Once my mother came all the way over to where I live on the bus - a good couple of hours journeying - and went to the grave on her own to lay flowers. She needed her own time there and didn't tell me until the following week. I understand that she needed to do that alone.
I will never forget my dad's strength, the day we went together to the funeral parlour. I was a single parent and would have been going on my own. I was so grateful he came with me. We were both so aware that this is something neither of us should ever have had to be experiencing, but we helped each other through. I have never drunk brandy before or since, but our silent mini-wake in the pub nearby was one of the tenderest moments I ever shared with my father.
There were also some very hard moments - I remember them both being so bitterly angry at times. My ex-husband had been driving. the accident was not his fault, but it was difficult and there were huge sensitivities about the funeral as by then he was in a long-term relationship with a gay man. (Yes, I really could write a book!) They sometimes lost sight of my needs as their daughter in their own grief and I couldn't always see theirs, or indeed help them, anymore than they could help me.
That's why I think a place like this could be useful.
