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Bereavement

funeral reception

(14 Posts)
Angel2 Sat 04-Jun-16 08:57:36

I've just lost my lovely mum aged 94 and I'm an only child.I'm trying to get my head around feeding people afterwards. I have no idea how many people will be there afterwards- looking like around 25 just family that's without anyone else who turns up. Local pub has no separate function room but I may be able to get a function room at the Royal British Legion. Any tips anyone. It would be appreciated. It's a bit overwhelming when ther's only you to do all the running about.

Greyduster Sat 04-Jun-16 09:06:08

Before even giving any thought to this, Angel2, please accept my sympathy for the loss of your mum. What a difficult, busy, time for you. Are there any small outside caterers in your area who could provide a finger buffet for you, or are you wanting to prepare it yourself?

morethan2 Sat 04-Jun-16 09:07:09

Condolences Angel where ever you book I'm sure the staff will be able to give you an idea of how much food and the type you'll need. Their experts at this sort of thing. flowers keep posting here before and after many of us have experienced loss and grief and will listen and support if you need us.

kittylester Sat 04-Jun-16 09:29:58

Condolences from me too!flowers

Can the funeral directors give you any ideas of venues or caterers? when Mt father dues we had caterers recommended by the funeral directors come to the house and organise a buffet for when we got back. It was November so we had coq au vin.

When mum looked likely to die recently, my brothers and I wondered how you find out exactly who will turn up - it's not as though you can send invites with rsvps is it?

Auntieflo Sat 04-Jun-16 09:36:01

So sorry for your loss Angel2. Did you Mum belong to a church. Very often they will have a group that will cater for things like this. If not, do you have you an M&S nearby? They provide lovely platters of sandwiches, that you could pick up in the morning. Hope you find some answers, and hugs to you.

Teetime Sat 04-Jun-16 09:37:34

Angel2 I so sorry you are having to go through this very sad time on your own please accept my condolences.

If possible I would get a small local caterer to do something very simple like a plain afternoon tea, just sandwiches and cake. In my family its traditional to offer sherry to the ladies and whisky to the men as well as gallons of tea. Some older relatives/friends expect certain conventions but you will know what the form is in your social group.

I hope it goes off smoothly. Best wishes flowers

starbird Sat 04-Jun-16 11:40:14

Bless your mum, imagine what she's lived through in 94 years, and bless you.
If you are using a local funeral director he/she can help with everything - notices in papers, flowers, catering, hire of hall, service sheets, music, etc if you want them, all in accordance with what you want, and they are only allowed to pass on the actual cost. They do it all the time and understand the problems - they would know a caterer who is used to doing funerals and understands the need to be a bit flexible with numbers.
If you are doing it yourself, as has been suggested, M&S or any supermarket, also Iceland, do party packs, if you have family of 25 coming is there anyone you can ask to take responsibility and organise it?
A caterer would charge between £8 - £12 for a buffet with tea/coffee.
I hope it goes well, treat yourself to some pampering afterwards, you will deserve it. 💐

ninathenana Sat 04-Jun-16 12:11:25

I second Auntieflo's recommendation. My friend went to M&S for the food when her father died. If you could find a pub or club with a private room they will often cater for you. The hotel we used for mum's didn't charge for the room hire as it was a wake. That was much appreciated.

Sincere condolences.

ElaineI Sat 04-Jun-16 13:29:49

So sorry for your loss of your Mum and having to deal with this on your own. I'm with Starbird in wondering if a close family member might help out with arranging this?
Where we are it is usually finger buffet - sausage rolls, sandwiches and a bit of cake, tea or coffee. Sometimes sherry or whisky offered but can't drink and drive in Scotland so maybe this has stopped.
I hope things go well and please don't be shy to ask for help at this sad time x

seasider Sat 04-Jun-16 19:36:55

When my uncle died we spoke to the local working men's club where he had been a member before he had a stroke some years before. They could not have been more helpful and provided a fabulous old fashioned buffet and as much tea and coffee as we wanted for only £4 a head !

granjura Sat 04-Jun-16 20:12:09

So sorry to hear that Angel2. We had to rush abroad when mum died at the same age- and were lucky the local restaurant agreed to host the wake. She offered to make sanwiches and buy in pastries for about 50- and said she would just go to the shops for more stuff if it seemed that more would be required.

Yes, I'd ask the undertakers for advice flowers

hildajenniJ Sat 04-Jun-16 21:30:04

My Mum and Dad were staunch Methodists. When they died we used the Church Hall. The ladies of the Church would not take no for an answer and did the funeral tea as their tribute to my Mum. When my Dad died we hired a local hotel to do the tea. It was a little expensive but it was very good. It's difficult trying to gauge how many people will attend. We (my sisters and I) did a guesstimate and divided what was left over between us. Fortunately we guessed well, and there wasn't a lot left over.

rubylady Sun 05-Jun-16 00:55:07

Angel2 I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your dear mum. It is a very difficult time, especially when you are doing all the arranging on your own. I did, recently for my dad. However, because of family problems, I didn't host a wake but instead me and my son went for a meal on our own to remember my dad and his granddad.

How big is the Royal British Legion? If it feels too big to accommodate the guests, then maybe somewhere smaller. Can you not host at your home or your mum's? Get someone from a local café to cater for your needs, they are usually reasonable in price. Did your mum go anywhere, to any meetings, clubs, or associations? Was she a church goer? It would be lovely to hold it where she was involved or had a connection with. Our meal was at the hotel where my mum and dad celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary party. So it had a connection with my dad while we were remembering him. Personal things make a difference too, don't be afraid to do or say something that is special to you and your mum or have photos or achievements framed for all to see. My dad got an award from the Mayor for bravery and I had that framed and put on his coffin. It all seems surreal, as if happening to someone else. It's going through the motions and your emotions will be all over the place for ages yet. I still can't believe my dad's no longer here. I long to hear his voice. But be good to yourself, take extra special care and come on here as much as you like to off load. Xxx

Willow500 Sun 05-Jun-16 15:48:28

Angel2 so sorry to hear of your mum's passing - 94 is a great age to achieve but it doesn't really matter what age it's still a very sad time. I am (was) an only child and like you wasn't sure who would attend the funeral but in the end there were probably about 40 or so came to pay their respects to both of mine. We did have them in a local hotel function room but my in law's were both in a lovely tea room near a park in a nearby village. It depends on where you live where you could host your mum's and also where the funeral is being held - sometimes they are out of the town. If you feel able to host it at your home or your mum's as has been said there are a lot of pre-packed foods in supermarkets. When we were in Morrissons yesterday we saw platters of sandwiches, small pies, sausage rolls etc and even platters of mixed salads in the chill cabinets which would be ideal. I've also been to a funeral tea at the care home the lady lived in, the local cricket club and a church hall. Perhaps if you look on line you might find somewhere local you'd not though of. It does seems a bit daunting but really most people just want to be together to talk about the person they've lost and even a sandwich and a cup of tea is enough to do that.