Dads wIll

I was estranged from my mother when she dies ( long story) so didn't receive anything in her will and didn't expect to. She left a decent amount of money to each of her grandchildren including my two daughters and said for her jewellery to be shared between them which I thought was very fair. My brothers children were both boys, however she left the same amount of money to the youngest boy because he was my brothers full son and only half as much to his oldest son who was a stepchild. My brotherd had brought him up since he was small and never treated him any differently , he was really angry with my mother for not treating him the same. ( all the children were adults when this happened)

I have three children one much better off than the other two but all three are to share equal anything left when I go I couldn't do anything other

Aggy21.... and Emsgran, not sure if I can offer words of consolation but have seen a few cases like this over the years. My cousin was cut out of HER father's will at the last minute. She lived with him and he left her zilch, nothing! It all went to a virtual stranger who he'd hooked up with! She was heartbroken, sought solicitors advice and was told there was nothing she could do! Seemingly it was legal and binding. We all thought, and still think, it was mighty suspicious (lots more that I won't go into)

It was making my cousin ill. She spent most of her time planning revenge on this woman and on getting even! She lost her job, lost friends, lost interest in herself and anything around her. In the end I told her she just had to forget and get on with it for her own sake. She didn't like me saying this and to this day, although, we are speaking it has caused a rift that was never there before. Emsgran, please don't let this happen to you.

That was AFTER Uncle died.

In your case Aggy, you are forewarned and I think you have two choices. Either carry on looking after (I'm assuming this is your father in law? Not sure what DIL is) without expecting any return of any kind OR tell the family you are unable to look after him and that they need to take over or he will need to sell his house to pay for a care home? Don't feel guilty about it. Looking after someone is mighty hard work (I also have elderly mother and young grandchildren so am torn in both directions sometimes) and it should be shared equally anyway.

Hoping I'll feel better if I vent my feelings here! Last week we buried my mother in law. For many years we've looked after her and my DIL, who is frail himself and a very cantankerous old man. We're presently trying to sort out all the household accounts etc which are in a dreadful state. We know that we could face many years of caring for him. My husband is the youngest of 4 and the only one who stays nearby. The others visit once every year at most and we always put them up. They take very little to do with their parents. We've now seen MIL's will, which is a mirror image of DIL"s and we've discovered that the family house is going to be left solely to one of the siblings. We're unsure of the reason for this, it could be because he is a widower. It's certainly not because he is the least well off. I just feel so angry as I as DIL have put in some much work over the years and will have to continue to do so, whilst this brother has done absolutely nothing and won't have his parents to stay and says he can't abide spending time with them. Any words of consolation?!

I know how you feel about your auntie's will, gillybob. DH's aunt left everything to one of his cousins. The three nephews got nothing, which was fine, we all knew she doted on her niece. But DH was the only cousin with children and we were pleased when the one who inherited rang up and said she thought our DDs should have their Great Grandma's engagement and eternity rings, that the auntie had inherited. We thought that was a very nice gesture and the girls were pleased. Till she rang up a month later and said she'd changed her mind!

This happened to my neighbour. She has 8 children and 5 of them helped her to buy the house when she moved next door after she was widowed.. They and her grandchildren were frequent visitors. She had one lazy-arsed son who moved in with her just after she arrived. Then he sublet his Council flat. She told me how wonderful he was 'Looking after her'. He did sod all.

She told me she was changing her Will and leaving everything to him as all the others had their own homes. Of course they did, they all worked, whereas her son just ducked and dived and claimed benefits.

The fall out after she died was awful. I felt really sorry for the others. I think that maybe your dad thought he was doing the right thing, rather than Trying to hurt you.

The will was dated 5 years before his death and before he became ill. I think he knew what he was doing but he also knew I was going through a divorce after 39 years of marriage.
It just hurts that he didn't consider me. He had lots of arguments with my two brothers over the years but never with me.

What is the date of your father's will? If it was close to his death think back to his physical and mental state then.

You could discuss this with a solicitor.

When my MiL died, my DH's sisters an their families were left everything. My DH and children nothing at all. I've said nothing, but I know my DH was very hurt, not for himself, but for our son and daughter. They don't even have any keepsakes of their Grandma.

"horrified" might be too strong a word. Should have been shocked and disappointed.

I think to put your mind at rest you should possibly speak to your brother about it. Or was the will drawn up by a solicitor? could you possibly speak with them? Would you go so far as to contest the will or is it too late for that?

My mum was horrified after my aunties death that she had left several bits to her (my mum) and my sister but nothing at all to me. Despite us being very close. My mum wanted me to have the things my auntie had left her but I refused. Now my mum has died and I still don't want the pieces. Why would I? I am hoping my sister will share some with my daughter.

I can understand that bit too, my two sons are settled and daughter is still living here but there's no way I would leave everything to her.
I love them all equally and wouldn't want her to be homeless, that's something I'd put in my will.
Just can't understand why I've been totally excluded.

Sad that your brother did not offer you some memento from your father's personal effects.I can see that if the property was your brother's home that your dad may have wanted him to continue living there but that could have been worked into the will.

Think my mum would. We didn't get to see dads will till after she died a couple of months later. I'm absolutely certain she would have changed hers if she'd known.

I spoke to her every day and the first thing she asked was had I heard about dads will. Took me five weeks to pluck up the courage to ask .

Sounds similar to what happened with my auntie glammygranny you're right it does hurt .

If your brother is behind it Emsgran then I can imagine your parents would be looking down horrified .

I looked after my late aunt and nursed her for her final 3 months taking unpaid leave to do so. Another cousin who never set foot in the country for over 20 years got everything. That hurt...it really did but I chose to not let it eat me up but I do wonder why sometimes.

I often think about my parents watching

Think we should probably both go and do wills. My mum did one that was simple and made things a lot easier

That's sad Emsgran

Doesn't speak now, probably rubbing hands together

Yes a good idea and something I really need to do too. I know my 2 kids wouldn't fight over anything I have but best get it written down and legal I think.

Me too! I never had a fallout with my dad, the other two did on a regular basis. Just don't understand it. Think it's prompted me to go and get will sorted

I wouldn't either Emsgran and by doing it your dad (or whoever was influencing him) will have caused a rift in the family. Let's not forget you may have wanted to pass on something to your own children or grandchildren so they have been denied too.

What does your brother say about it? Or is he just rubbing his hands together.

Think I've been most saddened as I personally couldn't choose to differentiate between my three

In which case unless you had some kind of fallout with your dad just before his death then it looks like someone may have influenced his last will.

Have you confronted your brother about to it?

I can't understand parents who divide their children up like this. It's as though they can look down and watch the fallout they have helped create which I know is ridiculous. Whatever happens in the future I would want my 2 children to have equal shares of whatever's mine.