My beloved child

So many emotions, I am devasted my beloved child has died age 48, but to think of Izzy who lost her child and didn't have the joy I had of seeing a baby grow, didn't see him as an adult, and her only child, unbearable

You've had so much to bear ? x

Yes a child is a different matter altogether. My strapping middle son of 29 developed meningitis with encephalitis out of the blue. He is now after several months in ICU ,learning to walk and live again. I am still in a zombie state because of how different he is so God only knows what I would have felt like had we lost him. Sometimes I wonder where us old gals get our strength from. We have to find a new normal after every trauma. (Whatever normal is). Annie you are in my thoughts and prayers Chuck xx

Izzy, I am so sorry, I know what it's like to lose a baby at birth, I did too but I had two beautiful little girls waiting for me at home. I cannot imagine your pain , I ache for you x

Oh Annie there's no easy way round this, how I wish there was. I lost my son at birth and I think about him most days. I wasn't blessed with anymore children. I simply can't imagine losing an adult child, it's too painful to think of.
Keep writing here and take it day by day xx

Hard NannyTee wasn't it, I only knew my husband for ten years, we were married for eight. I thought my world had ended , but losing my beloved child ? my world has ended in a way, thank you x

Sending love, Annie.

I knew I could relate Annie. I lost my husband at age 31 . I was 29 . Left with three small children. I had been with him from age 12. All this aside... to lose a child is every Mothers nightmare and we are all here for you . Take care xx

Hi Annie, I keep reading this thread and think of you often but hate to read and run. You are in the thoughts of so many people.

Annie gentle (((hugs))) and for you, to go with the nice memories that will keep popping up x

That was a caring thing for him to do Annie, yes it certainly is a good thing for all that we can’t see the future.

The undertaker gave the flowers from the funeral to my son in law this morning , just from son in law, children, my daughter and me. Unknown to me he has placed them on my husbands grave and sent me a photograph. The headstone can be seen clearly , husbands name, my name and our daughters names . Forty two years on and wreaths lay there again for our darling first born. Thank God we do not know what the future will bring.

On a light note, when I took our little girls to visit their fathers grave - Jesus of Nazareth was shown on tv- the elder one stood and read the head stone, the five year old was going from head stone to head stone, quick look then moving on to the next. I asked - what are you doing ? She replied - looking for John The Baptists garden. I think Michael York was her very first crush ?

Sending a hug Annie x

Just sending you some more kind thoughts

Another morning Annie and I'm hoping you managed to get some sleep. Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself permission to grieve and remember it doesn't have a time frame. Get some nourishment so your body can heal and your emotions will heal in their own good time.

A hug for today.

I've always thought that the time after the funeral is the hardest to bear. For the wider circle of people life goes back to normal but for the family there can never be a 'normal' again - this is the time when the shock of the loss especially if it is sudden has finally sunk in but the grief really takes hold. I hope your younger daughter has friends and support around her too if she is home alone and your SIL has help to clear your daughter's house which is such a hard thing to have to do - I've done it 4 times now. It's the simplest thing you come across which can bring the tears flooding again. I do hope you and your sisters can be reunited again in time - I'm sure they are as worried about you as you are about them. x

My son in law is in bits, he works for my brother so we make sure he isn't on a job on his own . His mother lives near, he spends time with my son in who isn't too, they are very close. He takes long walks every evening with his dogs too and we have talks. I worry about him, the house is so quiet and he has my daughters house to clear.

Your son in law must be struggling too, especially as I think you said, the grandchildren are all at Uni. But I suppose at least he has a job to take his mind off things for a few moments. Perhaps God ha given you back your sisters togive you something to worry about and divert your thoughts, even if only for a few moments a day.

Luckygirl, perhaps , if it happens it will take time. It has been ten months of silence and I cannot understand how they could keep it up these last two weeks,I know my daughter was the favourite with them so they must be devastated, she was so loved by so many. I worry about my younger daughter, her husband is abroad , she was so brave when she was here , but my girls was very close, she will feel so lost .

Parsley, I didn't mean to sound noble, people come into our live or are in our lives , things happen and they need care, it just happens that way. There are causes which we have to care about and do something , anything we can to help or support .and to care is at times is because we love . Thank you for your kind words

Anniebach, I am so very sorry for your awful loss.

You said that you don't know how not to be a carer. You most definitely need to be a carer still - but to yourself this time. It's your turn now. You have given so much to other people and causes, and I think now it's time to be equally generous to you. Don't stint. Do for yourself as generously as you've always done to others in need. I wish you peace.

Small steps with family - your niece has opened a channel of communication and that is good.

Thank you Jalima x

That was kind of them.

I have to log off now.
I hope you can sleep tonight Annie