The first day of the rest of my life..

Maw still thinking of you

It must have been difficult to tick the box.

Be angry if you need to be mawb but not with yourself, just be kind to you. There are no rights or wrongs in terms of feelings just now, just what is. Look after yourself sending love.

Good to hear from you again maw. Been thinking about you. That box must have been really hard to tick.

Glad you had a nice time with your London DDs. Funny some assisstants are so friendly and polite and helpful and others just look as though they can't be bothered. I had to interrupt two having a long conversation the other week to ask if one of them would be so kind as to serve me with my meat for dinner before I collapsed from lack of food ?

Thankyou for the poem Maw, so beautiful. Loved the picture of Paw. The way you have wrote about him, I was not supprised when I saw the picture. A smart and dignified man.

Yes, Maw, I still haven't got used to that box, after nearly six years.
I remember one of my neighbours asking me if I'd got used to my new lifestyle, after six months.
I told him a lifestyle is what you choose, and I certainly didn't choose this.

All you can do is keep going, and keep your family going, too. Help each other.

Can imagine how ticking that box must have felt. Not something you will have thought about. How very rude of the Waterstones assistant. Cocky little monkey, lucky to have his (probably) part-time job if he’s still in education. If he’s a full time member of staff I’d want to ring his manager. No, I know, life’s too short, and we move on, but he needs to know that attitude is not acceptable. It reminds me of standing by the checking in desk in various hospitals and the ladies (it always is) behind it just not looking up. Even a quick smile, or “I’ll be with you in a moment” would make a world of difference. Glad you are getting out and about and doing everyday things. Hope, too, you are able to sleep, Hattie permitting. Come back again soon Maw.

Entirely right luckygirl Paws life had deteriorated but because he could still enjoy the “intellectual” side of things I was able to indulge in a bit of denial. . He rarely complained but I have to admit I often did (here, for instance! but *never to him*) and if I am being honest the possible future filled me with dread.
But the end was entirely peaceful, the DDs SILs, his sisters -all there around him, an opportunity to say goodbye often denied others. For that I am thankful, no more pain, debility, weariness so if I am putting him first, that was good. However I cannot nod when well intentioned people say ah it was for the best (I know you are not) because of course there is no best or worst, there just IS.
As I said, such confusing emotions. But such wonderful support both here and in RL.

Thinking of you Maw yes ticking that box! you just don't want to do it do you....

Sending kind thoughts

Oh dear - what a rude man. How that must have grated.

Short fuse is fine though - your loved ones will understand I am sure.

The simple sadness must be tempered with the knowledge that the months of ill health are now at an end for him. But that cannot fill the sense of loss.

I take strength from your posts about your caring role and the advice you have given me. I thank you for it; and you are in my thoughts.

One week into the rest of my life. The London DDs and I had supper in a lovely old pub last night before I dropped them back at the station.
This morning I filled in one of those stupid online customer surveys and getting to the final section - “Marital Status”
Ticked the “Widow” box for the first time.
Ouch.
Such a maelstrom of emotions, not the “simple” sadness and loss I had psyched myself up for, but I find myself on a bit of a short fuse sometimes which is hard on those being kind to me.
Entirely justified though when encountering poor service or attitudes e.g. yesterday I was buying DD a birthday present in Waterstones and waiting at the till. Assistant just stood there and eventually I said was I in the right place to pay and all he did was point to a sign which said Queue Here for this till.
Couldn’t help it but found myself saying “Oh as you were ignoring me I assumed you were serving somebody else.”
He replied that he wasn’t ignoring me to which I just said Good. (Grrr)
DMWM -new acronym Dont Mess With Maw.

Your in my thoughts too Maw and so is Annie

So very sorry.

maw hope you are ok. Still in our thoughts. Hope you sleep well tonight. God bless.x

Sending kind thoughts your way, Maw

Thinking of you today. x

Maw, thinking of you , never far from my thoughts. Do you still have your family surrounding you and taking care of you? Don't forget to take care of yourself in these busy days.

Thinking of you Maw x

So sorry Maw, just to say I'm thinking about you and saying a prayer. Just be kind to yourself and take things a day at a time.

Hello mawb, you’re never far from my thoughts, a along with a to help the afternoon along. Hugs for you and Hattie x

You’ve been much in my thoughts maw as you plan and prepare but I hope too have enough space to reflect on all’s thats been. x

Thinking of you Maw in the midst of all the arrangements that must be pressing. x

Hattie isn't old enough to ride a bike yet Crafting

Grr predictive text.... biccies not bicycles Don't suppose hattie can even ride a bike.

Hi maw some chocolate chip ? to go with kitty's and a dog chew for hattie (unless she shares your bicycles) x