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Bereavement

Burials

(15 Posts)
Anniebach Mon 12-Mar-18 13:44:33

When my husband died 43 years ago I bought a grave in the town cemetery for both of us to be interred , chose the head stone, inscription etc.

My younger daughter moved to England some years ago she bought a plot in the same cemetery so she would be buried in Wales.

When my darling elder daughter died last November her husband and sister confirmed she wanted to be cremated. I asked my son in law if her ashes could be interred in my grave with her father, agreed. So I agreed I would be buried with younger daughter in her plot. Each child with one parent.

Last Friday I started to make arrangements for the internment of ashes service for my daughter . All sorted ?

No way. Younger daughter now informed me elder daughter had told her she wanted to be cremated so she could be with me and swore younger daughter to keeping it a secret from me. But younger daughter has now decided she wants to be cremated so she can be with me , her sister and father ,

This means a new head stone for four names to eventually be inscribed .

I have seven urns with dogs ashes I wanted with me and son in law asked if ashes of elder daughter could be interred with her.

A case of - there were twelve in the bed and the little one said etc !

Willow500 Mon 12-Mar-18 14:04:54

Oh gosh Annie it will be a bit crowded in there smile Have you discussed this with the cemetery - I think there is often a limit to how many ashes they can inter in a grave which might also be to do with the age of the original burial. What is your younger daughter going to do with her plot if she doesn't want to use it or have I got that wrong? When my parents died my mother wanted her ashes to go up north where her mother was buried - her sister's ashes are also in the same grave. The cemetery eventually gave permission but due to the age of the grave they had to go in the side of the plot. The headstone wasn't changed so still only has my grandmother's name on it but my aunt has a flower urn with her name on and we had one done with both my parents names on. I often wonder if I should go up there with them when the time comes but think they'd have a job to find a gap for me!

I hope you finally reach a solution - and for your pets ashes too.

Oopsadaisy12 Mon 12-Mar-18 14:09:58

Are there any cemeteries that will accept remains of pets?

Anniebach Mon 12-Mar-18 14:43:28

The grave is my property untill 2075. I spoke to the cemeteries dept, I can will the grave to my younger daughter and yes she can be interred there too - I didn't mention the dogs , slipped my mind , that's a fib 😀

No dogs cemeteries here so will have to think about that , perhaps they could sneakily scattered one at a time over our grave?

Eglantine21 Mon 12-Mar-18 15:01:26

There is a sneaky pet scattered with my husband........grin

Anniebach Mon 12-Mar-18 15:51:35

That's my pets sorted then 😀

M0nica Mon 12-Mar-18 16:51:33

When my sister died my parents bought a cremation plot. They thought it was for three interments, but when it came to interring the ashes of my father, the last of the three to die, we were told it was a 2 person grave. We were able to include his ashes because we agreed to an unurned burial. His ashes were just scattered from a container into the grave and the earthput on top. I am not sure what would happen if we wanted a fourth interment, though.

MawBroon Mon 12-Mar-18 17:18:51

We had the headstone problem as the original family stone was a Celtic cross on a sort of cairn with room for Paws grandparents’ names who both died in 1970, Then in 1973 our first little baby son died at 3 weeks and the in laws asked if we would like him buried in the same grave. However there was no room for his name but we got round it by adding a flat stone on top of the grave which also gave us room for FIL’s name (1987) and then MIL in 2000 both cremated so no problem with burying ashes.
Paw being a Catholic had expressed the wish to be buried so I purchased a double depth plot in our village churchyard where I shall rest too one day. The DDs had come up with the idea of reinterring their baby “big “ brother with Paw but the undertakers, I think wisely, discouraged us from even going there as after nearly 45 years (as they said, but kindly ) there may be very little if anything left of either the coffin or his little bones but suggested we could perhaps fill a margarine tub with a little soil from the edge of the grave and then add it to Paws grave.
Least said soonest mended regarding pet ashes Anniebach, it will be an entirely private ceremony for you.

Daddima Mon 12-Mar-18 18:43:41

When my mother died 30 years ago, we had local gravediggers, and they kept the plot next to her for us! It cost us £28 ( it’s now over £500)
We sneaked my late brother’s ashes into the earthy area around the headstone, and our late wonderdog’s ashes will be in the coffin with whichever one of us snuffs it first!

Bluegal Wed 21-Mar-18 00:09:27

Oh my goodness, I never knew it was so complicated with ashes! I still have my father's ashes in my house. Its not morbid in any way. All the family (including the grandchildren he never got to see in this life) speak to him. I hadn't got round to thinking where, if anywhere, he will eventually go. I guess I like him being here! Long lost pets are scattered around the garden.

Auntieflo Wed 21-Mar-18 08:40:52

I kept Mum's ashes for ages. At first she rode around in the boot of my car, (well she did enjoy a jaunt). DS2 was still at school and brought a girlfriend home one day. He happened to mention Nan, and when asked where she was, and then told, said girlfriend had a wobbly. After some time, we scattered her ashes in the garden, so she could always be near me, and she did love our garden. Happy days.

PamelaJ1 Wed 21-Mar-18 11:51:11

I went to a burial recently. The deceased’s mother was, I am sure, supposed to go into the coffin (in ash form!) with him but the funeral director forgot. He just knelt by the grave and poured her in!
The cloud of ash that billowed out was amazing. We all took a big gulp of fresh air and tried not to breath in! I think she is still in my lungs.
Why can’t you have lots of ashes in one grave? There’s plenty of room?

Luckylegs9 Thu 02-Aug-18 07:08:43

I must admit, it doesn't bother me at all about my ashes. It's what I have done and leave behind is what concerns me. I just know I do not want to be buried.

gillybob Thu 02-Aug-18 08:24:35

A funny story about a funeral I attended earlier this year........

The funeral (a cremation) was for the paternal grandad of a relative and I offered to look after the maternal grandma. The two never got on in life and she refused to travel “in one of the cars” saying that she wouldn’t pretend to like him just because he’s dead. Anyway during the long service it was announced that a family plot had been purchased big enough for the ashes of quite a few people (I forget exactly how many ) and that the ashes of the grandfather would be the first to rest there. At this point the old grandma I was looking after announced in a very loud voice “they needn’t think I’m lying on top of that old bugger and I bet I’m next” shock
I nearly died of embarrassment but it did raise a huge laugh in the crematorium.

Grandma2213 Thu 02-Aug-18 23:45:58

My MIL kept her next door neighbour's ashes in a biscuit tin in the pantry. His son lived abroad and it took a few years before he could come and collect his dad. She always had a chat with him when she was in the pantry and warned my DC not to open the tin in search of biscuits. I loved her matter of fact approach.