Gransnet forums


Where to be buried?

(14 Posts)
Jazzy1527 Fri 11-May-18 11:43:36

What are others thoughts on this? My mum, now 85, was unhappily married to my alcoholic father for 35 years until he died very suddenly in his fifties. She remarried a few years later to a widower and they have been together now for 23 years. When mum speaks about where she wants to be buried, she says she doesnt care. Does she get buried with my dad, or with my stepdad. His children want their dad buried with their mum as they were very happy till she was killed in a car crash. My brother and I really dont know what to do when the time comes.

Anniebach Fri 11-May-18 11:52:34

My mother in law was widowed in her fifties, remarried a widower, he died. He was buried with his first wife, mother in law will be buried with her first husband , this met with approval of children from the first marriages. The second husbands daughters wanted their father buried with their mother, my sister in law wants her mother buried with her father.

goldengirl Fri 11-May-18 12:24:58

How's about somewhere where your mum was happy or where the family has happy memories of her? Does she have to be buried with someone?

Situpstraight Fri 11-May-18 12:42:16

Well, she obviously can’t be buried with her current husband, as the children will object.

As there is every chance that he might go first can they not be buried together in a new plot?

jusnoneed Fri 11-May-18 12:47:47

Choose a new place just for her, she doesn't have to be buried with anyone else. Are any of her family, parents etc, buried nearby? Maybe she could go in same cemetery as them.

kittylester Fri 11-May-18 13:08:15

Or scatter her ashes either with her second husband or somewhere they loved.

ninathenana Fri 11-May-18 13:18:06

What kitty said.
Unless she has a expressed a wish to be buried of course.

Bluegal Sun 17-Jun-18 19:27:02

If your mum doesn't care one way or the other and has no wishes then I would have her cremated and either scattered in a place she really loved or in a garden of remembrance.

I don't have any particular requirements for my funeral although I do have 2 plots, one with an ex husband in Scotland and one with my grandson in England. But for me, I will leave it up to those left behind (my dad's ashes are still in my house)

mcem Sun 17-Jun-18 19:57:48

Cremation and then ashes scattered in the river. That way I return to the cosmos and don't leave my family 'having' to visit a particular place.
I know it's absolutely the opposite of what many families choose and I respect their choice.

Luckygirl Sun 17-Jun-18 20:02:11

Cremation and divide the ashes between the two places. Seems a bit mercenary but hopefully might keep people happy. I do not envy you this difficult decision, but it is worth remembering that you might think about doping what you want rather than trying to please everyone else - sometimes it is just not possible!

BlueBelle Sun 17-Jun-18 20:09:44

I will be on my own? my ex is in America and I left him so wouldn’t go back in death I ve bought my plot next to mum and dad one thing less for my eldest to do
I wouldn’t put her with her alcoholic ex and she can’t be with the new one so hopefully a nice little plot on her own or cremation if she doesn’t mind which way

There’s a very intersting grave near by my plot a lady called Marjorie who is buried with her husband ( who died young) and her ‘lifelong friend’ another male so a threesome in death she won’t be lonely ???

winterwhite Sun 17-Jun-18 20:20:06

She possibly / probably does care, but knows that what she wants (presumably to be buried close to her current husband of 23 years) would cause difficulties. In that case, what a lovely woman she sounds.
His children’s wishes are very understandable, but nothing more can be done for his first wife. Your own mother is the one whose feelings should count for most.

M0nica Sun 17-Jun-18 20:42:54

If I had been unhappily married I would not want to be buried with the husband who had made me so unhappy.

PamelaJ1 Sun 17-Jun-18 20:51:33

We are all so different aren’t we?
When I’m dead I really don’t care what happens to me. I will be dead. Not there.
I have given my family a couple of ideas, just to make it easier for them. I don’t want to be anywhere where they have to visit me and look after a bit of earth that I have no connection with.
What does your mother actually want? Do you know?
I love my husband and he loves me (I think!) but- till death do us part.