Green/Eco Burial

Unfortunately you can't ban someone from a funeral in a church (or a wedding for that matter) as it's a public place.

Near us an enterprising chap has built a recreation of a Neolithic burial mound and you can book a niche there for your ashes. DH had a cousin who had a woodland burial 20+ years ago and it was lovely. The site was new and the idea was to plant a tree over the grave so that the site would eventually become a wood.

Another friend's mother died last year and is buried on a hillside in Somerset, in a new 'green' burial site, in a wicker coffin.

Do some online research and I'm sure you'll find similar options. Can't offer any advice on how to deal with Mrs Busybody tho!

Totallylost, both my parents passed away in 2008, within a couple of months of each other (it was a horrid year ), and both were cremated. The ashes stayed at the funeral directors while I tried to decide where they should go (there's more to this than indecision but it's complicated). As I ended up moving into their property - my childhood home - I eventually decided that I would inter their ashes in the garden. It was their home for 40 years after all! I buried the ashes under a lovely, purple rose bush called Rhapsody In Blue (quite fitting, seeing as my late father was a musician ) and this year - the tenth anniversary of their death - it flowered more profusely than it has ever done. When their beloved cat (given a home by my daughter) passed away we put his ashes near to theirs so they are all together.

My own choice would be to be cremated and then interred in a woodland setting as I adore nature and trees.

When my DH had his diagnosis, he made all the decisions and arrangements for his 'exit', including the funeral directors, his eco plot and even a farewell speech at his celebration of life following his internment. He specified a low key burial and named those he wanted present. We did everything he asked and not only was it deeply personal, we knew it truly was what he wanted and we felt content.

When my DH was cremated earlier this year it was a lovely service, taken by my brother, a retired priest. When I'd been to cremations before I hated seeing the curtains drawing and the coffin disappearing. My brother did it differently. During the last hymn he invited close family to come and stand around the coffin, where we remained for the committal words and recessional music. I was able to put my hand on the coffin, say my last farewell before we walked out. The coffin remained where it was until everyone had left. It made it so much easier.

Dragonfly46. Many thanks. You echo my feelings on the crematorium bleakness. Also it is so costly and I don't want my family to have to find thousands of pounds just to put me in a hole in the ground. It's good to get some first hand info on someone else's experience of a direct cremation. Thank you.

Some loving and very tender stories told here. And very brave ones. ????????

I suppose it could be arranged that way, but its not the norm here.

My Husbands Sister died two years ago, and when we got to the Church for the religious ceremony we were totally surprised to see a photo of his Sister next to some flowers and the urn on this little table, yes she had already been cremated, it was far less dramatic than seeing the coffin at the altar, this is inSsweden, do they do this in the UK I wonder.

When my darling husband passed away last year he was cremated but when I got his ashes back I put them under a rhododendron bush in our garden over looking the hills of highland Perthsire where he'd always loved, I then planted a beautiful red rose bush over the top, it flourished through the summer and on into to winter, even through the snow. Unfortunately I've now had to move but I've brought the rose bush with me in the hopes it would survive and it has , it makes me believe there's part of him here with me and he approves of what I've done. Just go with your heart op I'm sure the right answer will come to you, as for your neighbour make it known to all that matter and will have responsibility of making arrangements that you want a private funeral, by invitation only.
Lastly although I do agree you need to have these conversations don't get too hung up on them, enjoy each other now for as long as you can, time passes too quickly .

My sisters friend had a green burial, and my sister found it very bleak, although this was in the middle of winter.
It was just a field in some farmland, full of puddles.
Summer will be when it seems much better.

Stella14 while your idea sounds lovely, do bear in mind that the weather may not be right for picnics etc. I attended a friend's green burial three years ago in November - driving rain and a bitterly cold wind made the burial ground (which is in a beautiful spot, but high on a hillside) very, very cold, wet and muddy
We were all given a shot glass of whisky at the graveside - to drink or pour onto the coffin as preferred - and then a hot meal, tea and coffee was provided at a nearby community centre - I've rarely been so glad of hot food and drink..! Make alternative plans - just in case.

I want to go straight from the morgue to the crematorium then when my ashes are ready to be collected, go to a green burial site and put in the ground with a nice tree on top. What they do after is up to them!

Catholics have been allowed to be cremated since 1966, that is over 50 years ago. Why so many people, especially catholics are unaware of this, amazes me.

All off DF's family, he was one of 11, and their spouses have
been cremated, not one burial.

Wellingtonpie, I have just posted above that I arranged that for my father. It was not a question of cost, although it is a lot cheaper. As he was nearly 98 and there would only have been 4 of us at the funeral, I couldn't face the thought of how bleak it would be in the crematorium. Further more I hate seeing the coffin disappearing. The funeral director told me what time he would be cremated - it was not at our local crematorium but one further away and in much prettier surroundings. I went up to the funeral home the day before and said my goodbyes and about a week after the cremation the funeral home rang me to say his ashes were with them and they would keep them until I wanted them. When my mum goes we are going to have a family celebration scattering the ashes in Tenerife where they were happiest in their latter years. At that great age I feel it should be more of a celebration of life than a mourning of a death. As a family we feel comfortable with the decision.

Does anyone have experience of these funerals that do cremations only, and then the ashes are collected by the family and done with whatever the person's wishes were.

DH's family are all Catholic and most of his relatives, including his parents, were cremated, so yes, it is allowed. I can only think of one elderly aunt who wished to be buried.

MawBroon Thank you.

Might your DH's disillusionment with the church be solved by attending mass in another parish? It sounds as if the main problem is the sort of busybody nearly all parishes have at least one of.

By all means plan a green burial - if you feel the need of a religious ceremony when the time approaches, you can always arrange it.

It is a little known fact, but even a lapsed catholic has the right to a catholic burial and a requiem mass. If a parish priest should refuse to officiate, the bishop will soon put him right!

I have talked about having a woodland burial for a long time. However, the woodland burial site nearest to me is not at all what I had always envisaged, and my daughter really doesn't like it. More and more, I like the idea of donating my body to my local university for medical students. My family are fine with this idea. none of us are believers in any religion. I would hope to leave enough money for them to have a nice meal/party, whatever they wanted to do, inviting any friends of mine who were still around. You have to have an alternative burial arrangement however as not all bodies are accepted. There is also a hope of Sheffield University (I think) becoming involved in a planned "body farm". Patricia Cornwell fans will know what this is and the ethos behind it.

Granny3rose

I had a direct cremation for my father as my mother has dementia and could not attend a funeral and my AC who would have come, live some distance away. He was nearly 98 and had no living friends. When my mum passes we are planning to take their ashes to Tenerife and sprinkle them there as they were happiest there in their later years. We will have a celebration of their lives then.

I have buried two of my sons in a natural burial ground - yes, it's a private burial ground. It's a peaceful place way out in the countryside, full of wild flowers and trees. It is where my husband and I will also be buried - the plots are booked. My sons' funerals were the most beautiful I have ever been to. For each one only close friends and family were invited to the burial where a humanist celebrant conducted a short and lovely but heart-wrenching ceremony. We then went to a hired hall back in town for a much longer 'celebration of life' humanist ceremony then food, attended by the wider circle of friends and acquaintances.

We had a humanist celebrant for each funeral and they spent a very long time with us 'getting to know' our son and gently suggesting what form the ceremony might take and tailoring it to include our own ideas. When they had written the ceremony they emailed it to us so we could make sure it was what we wanted. Each of the funerals was a very loving experience for us and our family and all our sons' friends.

Though it doesn't suit everyone many people are avoiding the expense of a 'proper' funeral, especially if they are not religious. The deceased is taken straight to the crematorium, and the family hold a 'celebration of life' get-together instead. From what I have heard it is often a more happy and satisfactory way of remembering them.
It isn't always easy to keep the details of a funeral secret. A lot of churches publish the details in their news bulletins and websites. Many 'nosy neighbours' are lonely people seeking to connect with others. We have one at our church who attends all the funerals, weddings, baptisms, and anything else that is going on. She is welcomed with an indulgent smile.
Whatever you decide, I hope that you both have many happy years of life ahead of you.

About 14 months ago while Paw was very poorly in hospital he told me that he wanted to be burned in the Green Burial Ground abou 5 Miles from our village. When I looked them up they were full with pre-booked plots so I had to tell him to jolly well get better and get himself home.
(which he did, after a fashion)
When the end came last November I found I could have a plot in our lovely peaceful village churchyard, looking down over the fields and a short 10 minute dog walk which Hattie and I do every day. So I brought him “home” to his place of rest.
I respected his wishes as far as I could though, a simple oak coffin without twiddly bits, (the wicker ones looked too much like a picnic hamper) natural cotton linings, no artificial fibres and he will have a Cumbrian slate stone in due course.
We must each of us do what we feel is right and for me, that kept him closer to me.

Not all woodland buriels take place on private land. Our local council has a woodland burial site.