Loss of confidence after bereavement.

I haven't been out for about 3 years, Annie
Its everything, really, particularly paperwork, sorting things out, making a start on things..
The simplest of things feels like a mountain to climb.

MissAdventure, I was widowed young , never lacked confidence and when my husband died my confidence increased, 5 snd 7 year old daughters , parents evenings, illnesses , holidays , days out. All one does for and with children.

When my daughter died last year , confidence slipped away, now reached rock bottom and still drilling! Have you lost confidence with socialising ? Choosing what to wear ?

My lovely counsellor and I talked about the black armbands, and we both thought they had some merit.
I think I may have worn one in the first.. well.. weeks? Months? Years?
Just to let people know I'm not myself anymore.
Not for the foreseeable future, anyway.

Yes deff loss of confidence..
I would be the pillar the one that did everything organised everything, drove everywhere, sort stuff out (any stuff) go off on my own into town or where ever, drive anywhere no where would phase me.I would chat away quiet confidently etc etc etc .

But now (even 4 yrs later) I easily retreat into my safe shell.
Although I work on a checkout at big supermarket chatting to a customers all day, once home I feel safe, I don't have! to talk to anyone if I don't want to.

I have to force! myself to do things every day.

Driving! or going on a bus/train etc well..its like organising a Himalayan mountain treck.

I have bought a sat nav, but no! I still have to do the AA route map,I recently took my parents to Llandudno (a journey we used to do with our eyes shut)

But no! I had to go on google earth and actually travel down the motorway looking at the road signs.

5 yrs ago I was up scaffolding (I'me soon to be 63) sanding and painting all the front rendering (up about 30ft)
now I quiver at going up the ladders to change a light bulb.

I stutter and stumble my words in fact I think Im quite a mess, and yes I put it all down to bereavement and grief.
I hope that one day I will wake up and be back to my old self..4 n half yrs on, I'm still waiting and hoping

Oh goodness I am so sorry and send my sincerest sympathies
I think any bereavement cuts the ground out from under our feet, reminds us of our frailty and leaves us vulnerable.
I sometimes think the Victorians had the right idea of official mourning - Black, the touches of white, then grey and finally pale lilac. It was a form of shorthand to the people one met out and about - saying “Treat me gently, TLC needed, be patient”
Although it was 45 years ago I remember vividly losing it with an unhelpful shop assistant in the old Army and Navy in Victoria St when I was trying to buy grey tights for our baby (30 days old) son’s funeral.

It must be a terrible sense of loss Maw; I can't even imagine losing a husband. (I've never had one!)
Apologies to people who don't like 'lose', but I do.
It was my daughter who died, Maw.

Yes I agree. I'm planning to move and having panics about all the complications of buying and selling. It seems so much harder having to make all the decisions by yourself, even though I was generally the one dealing with all the finances.

Yes MissAdventure I do empathise.
Not that DH and I did everything together, for the last year before he died he was pretty much housebound (when not in hospital) so I can cope with going to family things or friends on my own, but, and it is a big BUT, while I used not to hesitate about asking around friends if I wanted to go to the cinema or theatre , now I find myself hesitating in case nobody wants to!
I live in fear of talking too much on social occasions because there’s “only one of us” if you see what I mean. I also dither and have to FB friends about what to wear!
Despite feeling I was a competent, independent person all my life, it is very very hard to get over being half of a couple, isn’t it?

Ah, thank you.
I know I will get sensible advice here.