This Christmas will be the first without my husband.
Normally my youngest son spends the day with us, with or without girlfriend and for the last seven years my eldest daughter and son in law have also been here. Eldest son is other end of the country and has inlaws. Younger daughter is local, spends alternate years with inlaws and their own family day. This has worked well for everyone.
It has been mentioned and I have said younger daughter must spend it with her inlaws and eldest son likewise. They are fine with it.
Eldest daughter and youngest son have said independently to me that they want to spend the day with me. My daughter has said we will do what ever I want. Spend it here, or at theirs.We always do the cooking togther. Although that would mean staying over. Book a table at restaurant if I prefer, what ever I want. My son also says whatever I want to do is ok with him. It's not practical for us all to go to his house.
The thing is I don't know what I want. I know being on my own wouldn't be good for me, even though I think it would. On the other hand I had a birthday a couple of months ago. We all went for a meal and it was awful. Everyone did there best but it ended up with an argument between them. The emotional strain was just too much. They are all fine now but we were so conscious of our loss that it spilled over into another issue.
I don't think this will happen at Christmas as YS and ED are not volatile.
The person I am worried about is me. Last Christmas, looking back my husband was very ill. But I just didn't /wouldn't see it. I have so many regrets and guilt. I am scared I will completely lose the plot. Part of me just wants to spend the day under the duvet. But I know my son wants to be here, my husband's death has hit him particularly hard and he is not the type of person to discuss his feelings. Like his Dad.
Sorry for the long post. I just wanted to share this.
Cathy04 Tue 09-Oct-18 11:54:58
Luckygirl Tue 09-Oct-18 12:02:20
MawBroon Tue 09-Oct-18 12:29:13
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Blue45Sapphire Sat 13-Oct-18 08:31:46
lemongrove Sat 13-Oct-18 08:46:06
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Cathy04 Sat 13-Oct-18 10:07:04
Jane10 Sat 13-Oct-18 10:20:25
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PECS Sat 13-Oct-18 13:53:28
luluaugust Sat 13-Oct-18 15:45:48
Cathy04 Sun 23-Dec-18 17:40:49
oldbatty Sun 23-Dec-18 17:51:45
EllanVannin Sun 23-Dec-18 18:17:01
lure1959 Thu 04-Apr-19 13:10:38
grandtanteJE65 Thu 04-Apr-19 14:09:29