Grief feels like a form of madness

Grief is something which affects us all differently purple and his presence is probably missed most of all.
It's still raw for you but time does soften the rough edges somewhat. The time is takes is different too.
I still say, 'Night, night' to my late husband who died eight years ago.
Lots of support on here and for you purple.

My husband died last March - And indeed I have experienced periods of him having never existed - Until it hits me that he did - Then the floodgates open - Memories and so forth - Its an odd process - When people fall in love our feet seem not to touch the floorboards - Then in time we settle in step together even if stepping on each others feet - Its just part of the fun and struggle - Then when they leave this world, this life, but at the same time leave so much behind, it feels like a dream, like losing one's footing, like something went to sleep, forever, and yet reappears in various other forms to both comfort and haunt and beckon us along to help us get our feet back on the floorboards once more to live out the remainder of our lives with greater appreciation than before -

I remember my mum saying something similar after my dad died. She also said she felt numb. She didn't get rid of his jacket shoes and coat for a long long time and left them hanging in the hallway so that she knew he had exsisted. I do think it is the body and mind's way of protecting you in a time of grief.

I lost my husband 5 months ago, and after going through most of the stages of grief, in the past couple of weeks I have had this weird feeling of “nothingness “ which after reading your post I can now identify as “Denial “ I wondered that one would creep in . Like you I have also had the definite feeling that my husband and the last 20+ years did not exist other than in a dream, and that I had imagined the whole episode. In some ways I am pleased I read your post because I now know that I am not mad, but obviously I am not happy that we find ourselves like many others in this position. Sending you a huge hug ?

Thank you grandetanteJE65

Beechnut - we need a chocolate emoj!. But have some in lieu.

purplepatch and BlueSaphire I have bought some mushrooms and chocolate bars what DH loved. Half eaten half a bar already and will have a drink later. ?

So sorry to hear that you have lost your husband.

What you are going through sounds quite normal to me.

And yes, I have experienced something similar to the feeling or whatever we should call it that you have had and I fully understand why it has upset you.

10 years ago, my sister and I went back to Scotland where we had grown up for the first time in nearly 40 years. Whilst we were there, I woke up one morning completely convinced that my adult life as I had lived it up to that day was a dream or a hallucination and that there was no DH waiting at home in Copenhagen, that I didn't have a home there, that I had never left Glasgow and that I would have to try and find my life in Glasgow.

In short, I woke up, convinced that I was suffering from a form of amnesia and that the memories I had were all a form of madness.

It hasn't happened again, thankfully, and it only lasted a few minutes, but I found it horribly unsettling.

I hope your similar experience soon will be a thing of the past, your husband did live and you have 52 years to look back on once you get past these first difficult months where you weep every time you think of him and all that you had.

The only positive thing to be said is, that it is generally said to be healthier to be able to mourn just after a death, than not to be able to. It is very early days yet, so please do take your time. Feeling guilty about this and that is part of the process, but perhaps something one should try not to do, as probably you have nothing to feel guilty about.

BlueSapphire I've done the same. And will raise a glass this evening....

Oh I do hope you have some happy moments, bluesapphire.

Valentine's day tomorrow. Being silly I have bought him a card, and I will put up the one he bought me last year. I have got a bottle of pink fizz and will have a couple of glasses and will remember the good times. Also going to cook myself a nice steak and just remember him. Thinking of all those who are dealing with loss.

I'm sitting here blubbing. So many wise, kind and familiar words, so many shared feelings and I grieve for you and with you Purple, I really do.
I am 7 years and 2 weeks down the road and still sometimes can't believe it. The complete suddenness of it and the shock remains with me always. I can't really remember our 38 years together. It's as if that time has been compacted into almost no time at all. It's like a dream. In my head I just exist and no more, but externally I get on with it, apparently am coping and making the most of my new circumstances. No one really knows how you or I feel. Its unique to each of us; there is no rehearsal and we all have to work it out on our own. Ive recently had some counselling which has helped a bit. I would certainly advise waiting a while before embarking on it; you need to get past the initial grieving process in your own way.
What I miss so desperately is the familiar arm round my shoulder, a kiss and 'I love you'.
Sending you, and everyone else who is trying to cope with bereavement, love and kind thoughts and

Oh purple patch how I understand, lost my husband of 50 years two years ago a nd one of my lovely daughters unexpectedly six months ago. Certainly felt as if I was going mad at times think I was some of the time, lucky for me I have support from my family two daughters and son. It’s true you learn to live with the grief it doesn’t leave.
Off to my grandsons 16th birthday today, wish his Mum was there to share it with us and to see him grow up.
Take each day as it comes and be kind to yourself. Sending you virtual hugs.

Still thinking of you purplepatch. The ups and downs day by day are exhausting sometimes. I used to feel like I'd been stuffed in a washing machine and I'd be gently soaking one day and then thrown into a violent spin cycle the next!

Thank you Smiley4. I feel better for a good walk. Blown the cobwebs away.

Thank you also PECS. I certainly won't rule out counselling. At the moment I have a diary that I pour my heart out to as I find writing very cathartic..

Anytime you’re having a particularly bad day. Feeling lost. Post on here again purplepatch. We can be here for you all day, if you need support ? xx

purplepatch ? When my mother died I kept seeing her when I was out and about and almost calling out to people who I had mistaken for her. It took a,few years for thst to stop happening
When you are ready maybe some grief counselling would help you feel more able to cope with your thoughts.

Thank you Smiley and Grandmain and all those who have posted since I last posted.

Another thing that has thrown me is how it's possible to cope reasonably well for a few days than, randomly, I wake in the morning and can't cope at all. Today is like that. I threw myself into housework this morning, then spent a couple of hours in tears wandering round the silent house, sitting in his favourite chair, talking to his picture.....I am now going to do what helps me most - go for a long hard walk. But it is baffling how one can react so differently on days that are ostensibly the same.

pippa000 thats so lovely x

Bereavement is such a shock. I always think it’s like PTSD.
Someone is there, you share your life with them, your thoughts with them, you plans things with them. They are your companion, your friend. Part of your world.
Then blink and it’s gone. All of it. They have gone and also life as you knew it has gone.

I feel for you purple patch and no, I don’t think you’re going mad in the least. It’s your subconscious trying to work out how to cope, what to do and make sense of an unreal event.

Grief is the price we pay for love. Two months is no time at all. But one day, Very slowly, you will see the light and start to stand on your wobbly legs again. God bless. Xx

Bluesapphire

Bluesapphire - the run up to the “anniversary” is hell, there is no escape from those “this time last year” flashbacks which sneak up on you out of nowhere.
It can prove a turning point though, once past.
Hope is is for you.

bluesapphire

Hugs to you bluesapphire

So many wise words here that have helped me so much.
But it hurts, oh it hurts.
27th February will be the first anniversary of DH's death and these weeks leading up to it are hell. I just don't want to remember what happened, and am trying to push the memories of that time away. Valentine's Day will be hard as we had such a lovely day and had no inkling that he would be dead by the end of the month. Perhaps it's just as well that it all happened so quickly.
I like to write to him every day too, just to tell him what I've been doing, how I'm feeling and remembering happy days.
Will never learn to live with it though.

My love and thoughts with all who are going through bereavement, particularly purplepatch, and those who have lost their life partner
I am so fortunate to still have my husband but lost my adult DS and very recently my mother. The grief I have experienced since my son's death is definitely a kind of madness. When you're in the midst of deep grief, you're trying to forge a new "normal " out of the maelstrom. It's a mammoth experience and no wonder some of us lose the plot a bit. I think it would probably be odd if we didn't! I don't think there's a "right" way to grieve.