Gransnet forums


Planning for the ultimate destination!

(18 Posts)
VintageGrump61 Thu 27-Jun-19 11:55:24

We are planning for our ultimate destination. Somewhat divided opinions but a clear desire for a 'tangible' memorial.

Came across what seemed an odd idea, contemporary barrows for ashes. But increasingly we like the idea... and thus a 'crem service' doesn't seem necessary... would be grateful for thoughts and comments. Thank you.

Yorksherlass Thu 27-Jun-19 12:37:14

I saw this on tv a while ago and some one was having a stained glass window made in the colours that the deceased loved , it looks so serene and reverential, I would be happy here.

midgey Thu 27-Jun-19 12:45:20

I haven’t seen these, looks really interesting.

HildaW Thu 27-Jun-19 12:56:14

Well, I have no wish for a grave or any form of solid memorial. I have told my children that they can dispose of the organic matter as they see fit. However I am thinking that a few trees would be nice in a proper woodland setting. There is a newly developed 'Natural Burial' site not far from here but basically its a couple of open fields with a small tasteful building in the middle. Its a flat area and the few trees planted there look very weedy and wistful, certainly not what I had in mind. I think the Woodland Trust allow you to plant trees as a memorial without it actually being an actual internment.
The idea of a stained glass window in a building that has some importance is a delightful idea. I treated myself to a week-end of stained glass making and the tutor showed us some of her commissions. They were fabulous and some were for some very poignant reasons, loss of a child or a serving soldier. The medium of stained glass lends itself very well to conveying the real emotional story and as this talented tutor showed us some of her works it was hard not to become quite moved even without knowing the families concerned.
Its important we have these discussions and do not feel pressured to buy into a scenario we really do not want. Thankfully there are many choices out there and hopefully we can depart in such a way our families can cope and can take some comfort. I went to one funeral a few years ago where there had been such pressure from one side of the family to put on such a performance that the other side (just as close) had felt it had all got out of hand, had been far too emotionally draining and had not even been what the deceased would have wanted. Unfortunately those with the loudest voices had got their way.

EllanVannin Thu 27-Jun-19 14:01:05

I certainly don't want any fuss and palava. No rotten curled-up ham sandwiches or weak tea either.

SueSocks Thu 27-Jun-19 14:47:27

Direct cremation for me and husband. No ceremony. I would like to leave money to have some trees planted.

tanith Thu 27-Jun-19 16:48:59

I’m not bothered and certainly don’t want any kind of memorial that family may feel obliged to visit, no thanks. Just cremation and do with the ashes as they wish. I’d rather have a direct funeral but have decided to leave it up to the family to decide.

BlueBelle Thu 27-Jun-19 16:58:57

My friend has offered her body for science if they don’t need or use it then she’s paid I think just over £1000 to be disposed of wherever the science place disposes of unwanted bodies Her three children all live away from her home so there would be no one to keep a grave or anything else tidy She does not believe in an after life so has no wish to be anywhere Her children all know and have agreed to what she wishes

paddyann Thu 27-Jun-19 17:14:39

Ham sandwiches and tea ? Ellanvannin cheap funeral that a proper sit down dinner here in the West of Scotland and the usual funeral fare is Steak pie and always a pudding ..add some soup for a winter funeral /In fact I have a friend who wanted steak pie ather wedding 50 years ago and the co-op halls said they only did steak pie for funerals .
No funerals for us ,certainly no chunks of stone or other things with our names on ,strange as I like cemetary's but cremation and scattered in the garden at the crem .

mosaicwarts Sun 30-Jun-19 22:35:46

I'm still saving for my cremation, the Co-op will do it anywhere in the country for £1300. I've told my kids that I want to be cremated without ceremony, whilst they go out for lunch. I'm still thinking about my ashes. My husband's funeral was so awful, I'd never make them sit through something like that again.

Razzy Sun 30-Jun-19 23:57:39

I come from a family of undertakers. Before my dad died he told us he didn't want a fuss, and to just put his ashes anywhere, don't worry about visiting as he wasn't there, it was just ashes. Now he is gone I think he did a great thing. His ashes are buried in a church cemetery near where he lived, in an unmarked plot. It is in a lovely patch, but it is about 3 hours drive for me to get there. Because he made it clear life is for living and not to waste time visiting a grave, it really helped lighten the guilt of not visiting. He also said that funerals are for those left behind. Who cares what happens at the funeral? Not yourself as you aren't there! So I will say to my loved ones that if I die, have a party, cremate me, do whatever with the ashes, but don't live with any guilt that you should visit the ashes. It isn't me, I am not there. Have whatever funeral you like. Maybe a nice little service in some woods or nature somewhere, because that would be a great way to remember me, as I love the outdoors, and I think it would be great to have a lovely woods to go visit, but seriously, if they want to do whatever, let them!

BradfordLass72 Mon 01-Jul-19 08:27:04

I've bought my box and decorated it.

I don't feel it is up to me to specify what goes on after I die so I've given my son the choice.

If he just wants to let a funeral director take me, great if it makes it easier for him. To me that's the important thing, to make it easier to deal with the grief - not conform to anything I've told him.

Granny23 Mon 01-Jul-19 08:55:02

Ours all bought and paid for. Cremation for both and scattering at sea for me and interment of ashes for DH in the last space in his family's double plot.

PamGeo Mon 01-Jul-19 09:11:20

Love the little blue box Bradfordlass, it's like an oversized trinket box grin I love the idea of the stained glass windows and the op's idea. I've seen some lovely things done with ashes at Casting Ashes in cornwall, I don't mind what happens after I've gone on as I won't be here to care.

craftyone Mon 01-Jul-19 09:25:59

life for a life memorial forest. I `bought` an oak tree and the ashes were placed there, close to the baby tree. Life for a life look after the site, which is slowly becoming a lovely woodland with benches and a small stream and lots of wildlife. They use the money for community projects, in particular relieving sickness and suffering. It was somewhere peaceful to visit during the first year and the place where I finally sprinkled rose petals and told my husband he could leave, that I would be ok

I have not been for 2 years, no need any more but will visit once this year, to see how the woodland has grown

SalsaQueen Mon 01-Jul-19 18:22:54

I signed up for body donation, years ago, so hopefully, when the time comes, my body will go off to be used for medical training. My dad did the same thing - he died in hospital, aged 81, and the hospital contacted the department that deals with those things. The body was taken, and we were, as a family, asked, 2 years later, if we wanted our dad's remains (we declined). We weren't given any money - it's a free donation!

Loislovesstewie Mon 01-Jul-19 18:30:19

I'm having a woodland burial , I want a cardboard coffin and a nice tree growing out of my tummy! I don't want a funeral. If people want to raise a glass of something to me afterwards that is ok, in fact I demand that. But no fuss, no memorial, and no money wasted. If anyone remembers me fine, but I want to grow a tree after death, the insects will live in the tree be food for other animals and I will be part of the universe in that way.

Norman1939 Mon 09-Dec-19 12:13:54

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.