I think I will feel better if I return to my home town

A friend in her 60s returned to the place where she had been very happy in her 30s. It was the biggest mistake she ever made. The place had not changed, but she had. In her 30s, in a job she loved, with lots of friends (she was never married) and a great and exciting life, she had loved it there.

The town had not changed much, but she had. She wasn't working, none of her workmates still lived in the town, she was retired with a much smaller income and she found it very difficult to settle and make friends. The last five years of her life were lonely and difficult and I am sure her move led to her early death.

I think it's understandable to feel as you do mosaic because you are nostalgic for a time when you were so happy and life with your new husband was before you. Unfortunately as others have sensibly said, times changes and so do places and your home town may be a foreign country to you now. Have you drawn up a list of what is important to you in a new area? Sounds like you would really miss the beaches and peace of Northumberland where you have made happy memories too. Where do the people who are important to you live, and does that influence you? Although a nice area is important it's people that count at the end of the day.

Yes. Late husband and I lived in the West Country which we loved. About three years after my husband died I moved back to the East Midlands. Of course it has changed, doesn't everywhere? As has the seaside town.
I have picked up my old friends and am nearer family. I will always miss the coast but think I've made the right choice. I am in a house again as opposed to a bungalow. Do you think you will be happy in a flat? Won't you miss having a garden? Good luck anyway, whatever you choose.

Be careful you are not seeing your previous home through rose coloured glasses mosaicwarts . I went back to a place where I lived previously and was so disappointed. The place was run down, lots of tacky shops and not at all how I remembered it. The people you knew there will have moved on too. I can understand your need to start afresh but be careful. Is there any chance of you renting for a while on the South Coast to get a real feel for the area ?

I think many of us romanticize our home towns, it's all bound up with childhood memories. Mine is a mere 8 to 10 miles away, I too at times have thought I'd go back there, but these places are rarely what we'd left, it's just a misplaced nostalgia. I know Whitton it's not that far from where I live now just a few miles, as with many places round here it's under the flight path, my husband had an office in Richmond close by and sometimes we'd meet up for a drink on Richmond Green, those planes would be stacked up one after the other with barely a minute in between. That and the M25 all in all it's quite polluted. My GP would tell me so many kids in this area have associated problems when I was consulting her about my children's allergies, asthma, hay fever and the like. Head off to the Sussex coast for cleaner air and cheaper property prices.

I wish you luck mosiac in whatever choice you make and hope it works out for you.

Aren't you moving to be closer to your DD mosaic (or did I remember that wrong)?
If so, I'd start by thinking about how close you want to be to her (both now and in the future), then look at places within that radius that would meet your needs. As the beach is so important to you and your dog, it sounds as if you'd be happiest on a coast.

A different thing I know but when I divorced I moved back to my home town which I never really appreciated when I was young I thought it was dull and boring
Anyway I did move back and some would still think it’s quiet and boring, and like all seaside towns it’s changed and not necessarily for the better, parts are run down but now I love it I support it with lots of community work charity shop, beach cleans, gardening volunteer in local park and I don’t want to be anywhere else my precious beach is on my doorstep
I m surprised you haven’t made any friends or roots after 20 years but there is an old adage that you should never return to anything you once loved ( including men)
Good luck wherever you go

My friend has just moved back to the north hoping for a happier life! She is from Newcastle and firmly believes that people in the north more friendly than us down here.
Personally I think people are generally the same everywhere but if she is happier then so be it.
My point being that f you haven’t got any friends or relatives anywhere then just choose a nice house in a nice area and go for it.

Also you will not get the same standard of house if you move south. House prices are much costlier.

Northumberland is beautiful with its beaches and countryside. I’m saddened to read your post.

Have you not made friends up there in the 20 years since you moved?

as everything would be familiar

but it wouldn't dear mosaicwarts not after all this time.

You say there's nothing you like about Northumberland except the beach - is that because you've never got to know the local people by joining clubs and groups?

I know how it feels to be a stranger but you've been there 20 years now, surely you've made some connections?

I'd build on these if I were in your shoes, not go back to your home town where you'd still be a stranger. Experiencing that would break your heart because it's clear you want to belong.

You have memories of your husband where you live now, don't you?

I spent many years in a very small Cornish town where I knew (and liked) practically every one of the inhabitants.

Only 15 years later I went back for a visit and discovered that they, the town and I had moved on in every imaginable way.

There was friendliness for sure but I was now a stranger in their midst, no longer one of them, sharing daily rituals, knowledge and traditions. It was sad but inevitable.

When you move to your new home, where ever that may be, I urge you to get to know people. That might help you settle.

I lived in Whitton too in 1968 to 1972 with my parents. We moved the short distance from Richmond. My parents continued to live in Whitton up until they died in 2004 and 2006. I never personally liked living in Whitton, much preferred Richmond, but I wouldn’t want to live in either now. I found Whitton really noisy and on the flight path with aeroplanes almost touchable flying over the house into Heathrow all day and late into the night with just a few hours respite until they started very early 4.30 ish in the morning, more so in the later years, just no respite from it 7 days a week. Chaos with traffic and worse when rugby was on at Twickenham, even the 24 hour opening Tesco’s shut when there is a rugby match on and I understand that the rugby ground now does other functions as well.

At that time I was living on the coast in West Sussex and much preferred my more quieter life to where my parents lived. After my parents died we went to live in Australia until 2017 when we decided to move back to the UK and ended up by chance in South Somerset so close to Dorset and a 30-35 minute drive to the beaches. We love it here.

Personally I would choose the Isle of Wight as it is calmer and a slower pace of life, like the UK was 20 years ago, plus you can always access Portsmouth or Southampton for better shopping etc.

Places change and I think we tend to have ‘rose tinted spectacles’ with regard to our younger memories and we change too.

Just my personal opinion and yes we are all different and have different wants and needs.

Good luck in your search.

I think it is natural when you lose your husband to want to be comforted by what is familiar. I felt the same too. My heart kept telling me to go home. The problem is I do not really know where home is, having emigrated to Australia to be with family 8 years ago. I long to be back in England, but don't have close family there any longer and it would mean starting again and I don't know whether I can do that at my age. How long ago did your husband pass away? They do say you should not make any important decisions within the first 12 months of being bereaved.

Thanks paddyann ... I've just been having a look, and the house for sale used to belong to a boy at my school, I've been trying to remember his surname for the past half hour! Terry something!

Now I've looked closer the road and the houses are quite run down looking, and I'm not sure I could stand the road traffic noise at the front, as well as the aircraft noise above.
Also quite insecure at the back, grotty metal gates over a carport - I don't like 'back alleys' behind houses. I think it's a no from me!

I just felt a sense of calm when I looked before, I do need a fresh start and I suppose this would be easy as everything would be familiar - unless it's been knocked down, I hope the library is still there. I won't know anyone if I did go home but don't mind, I've got very used to being alone.

Better go to bed, I get glued to this laptop chair somehow! Night night

Much as I dearly miss my home town it would be totally unsuitable for me to live there now.
If your home town meets your needs and is still a decent place to live then seriously consider going back. Certainly visit lots of times to get a feel of the place.
Maybe wait until the memories aren't as new in your mind so that you are as objective as possible.

I dont think its pssible to go back to somwhere from the past,I know my own home town is completely changed since I left it and I find some areas hard to recognise.By all means go look and enjoy your wander down memory lane but dont make a big decision without taking time to consider it carefully .Do you still have friends there or would you be starting from scratch with relationships too? That would be a consideration with me as I find it harder to amke new friends in my mid 60's than I did before.Good luck whatever you decide ,I hope it works out well for you .