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How can I help my friend?

(12 Posts)
angelic Sat 03-Aug-19 17:57:27

My friend has a lot of things going on at the moment.
Very recently we lost a close friend to Cancer, a young Mum same age as my friend.
I think that my friend is struggling so much, is the fact that they both had Breast Cancer at the same time.
Is there anyone or anything that I can help her through this very sad time?

Hetty58 Sat 03-Aug-19 22:32:16

Angelic, I'm glad that you started a new discussion about this.

It's really hard to watch a friend suffering but bear in mind that, when we're grieving, we take great comfort in our friends being their 'normal selves', rather than extra kind or overly concerned.

Apart from trying to get her to see her GP, just carry on with the things you always do, like trips out and chats, whatever you used to enjoy. Don't treat her differently or like an invalid. If she talks about how she feels you can reassure her that it's a natural phase and she won't always feel that way.

4allweknow Sun 04-Aug-19 10:49:21

Your friend probably feels guilty questioning why she survived and your other friend didn't. This will be something that will take a while to reconcile. Just support her as normal. If she does disclose her thoughts as being of guilt you have to reassure her that life is like that, I list my daughter to breast cancer 3 months ago, why did she go before me? I will never know or understand but I have to learn to accept it, just like your friend does. Soneone described life to me referring to the big arrow on the lottery adverts pointing at a person saying it could be you (as in a winner) but meaning life is a lottery and you have no idea if that big black arrow will point at you for good or bad. You obviously care about your friend.

goldengirl Sun 04-Aug-19 12:24:53

What a lovely friend you are. I agree with other posters that carrying on with things that you both enjoy is the best way forward. However, if she wants to talk or cry, then let her for a little while and perhaps make a positive plan for something to look forward to.

LizaJane24 Sun 04-Aug-19 13:56:22

Good advice so far, so all I can say is just keep being there. I have a friend who has been diagnosed with cancer , which is probably incurable and the thing that bothers her is the people who avoid her. So don't be afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing- be honest with her if you think you have made a mistake, but above all, just be there. And don't forget yourself- it's hard work giving emotional support, so talk about how your feeling to someone close- or here. Best wishes

barbaralynne Sun 04-Aug-19 14:10:10

Angelic you have had good advice from the others. I was diagnosed with breast cancer 6 years ago and have been through all the treatment which leaves a lot of side effects. In my town there is a charity called We Hear You which was started by a friend of mine who had breast cancer and realised there was no help available outside of the hospital treatment. This charity helps cancer patients but also their relatives and friends. It might help to give them a ring: 01373 455255 or email : [email protected]
They may not be able to help but it is always worth talking to someone who might have different ideas. With very best wishes to you and your friend.

GabriellaG54 Sun 04-Aug-19 15:08:08

Ring Macmillan. 0808-808-0000.

angelic Sun 04-Aug-19 18:49:33

Thank you all so much, you have been very kind and helpful.
I will look into the ideas given tomorrow.

sharon103 Sun 04-Aug-19 22:03:53

If nothing else, be a good listener. That's what friends are for.

angelic Mon 05-Aug-19 09:33:17

Thank you so much
We are having a coffee later

Norman1939 Mon 09-Dec-19 12:03:09

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silverlining48 Mon 09-Dec-19 13:10:28

4allweknow thinking of you flowers