Late husband's hoard

Tillywhizz, "just in case it would be useful"doesn't necessarily mean to save money, it can be an excuse for hoarding or a belief that 'when I want one of those nobody will have one (for sale) or, frequently, it means nothing at all.

I am married to one of the keeping "just in case it would be useful" brigade, also someone who is always going to fix things, which to be fair he does, but only as and when he feels like it, which means urgent items wait years months, while less urgent get done quickly.

We now run a small antiques stall as a hobby. DH goes to auction and buys things up, with his eyes focussed on resale, we enjoy our outings to the shows and more recently we have actually been putting things IN auction sales and DH rather likes receiving the cheques when they sell.

He also sells stuff on ebay.

sunseeker sell the flag on ebay.

I dread if my husband goes before me, he has a shed plus a mancave upstairs which is full of all sorts of weird and wonderful things. He makes models and collects 'stuff' from ebay. Some of the items are expensive and i jokingly told him to put prices underneath everything so i know what to sell or just dump!!!

My parents in law were terrible hoarders, FiL obviously didn't want to accept that he would one day no longer be able to use all his tools. He had his own business and they still had all the paperwork back to 1945.

My parents, fortunately, were more sensible about this, had moved to a smaller bungalow in their 70's and were diligent declutterers. Before he got too old to use them, my DF distributed his tools to people who he would like to have them.

They got rid of all their books, except a few gardening manuals and dictionaries, and reduced ornaments and household junk to a minimum.

My mother died last month, and, although it doesn't seem much, there is still an awful lot to clear out. My poor sister is left with all the work.

rosecarmel I do so feel for you

This is just the same at our house. When I moan DH says I just need to get a skip in when the time comes. I want a bl** skip NOW.

We have a lovely little Garden Room which can no longer be sat in because of the boxes of charity toys our DGSs play with.

On the other hand DH never stops working around the house so I can’t accuse him of being lazy. He stills picks screws up from the road !

It isn't to save money, it is an excuse to avoid throwing things away, that is, making a decision about whether something will possibly be useful in the future, or taking action to dispose of it, in most cases a trip to the tip.
My father was very thrifty and wasted nothing, but all the things he kept were clean, ordered and properly stored, and occasionally re-used. My ex-husband, in contrast, simply dumped car and electrical bits in the garage and refused to move them, until it was impossible to walk through. When he left I cleared it all out; I don't know how I transported it to the tip, (someone lent me a trailer I think) and I have never allowed it to get in such a state again, and can actually garage my car now.

Tilly, bereavement is an ongoing process with many facets, one of which is dealing with another's belongings- Rare is the case where someone owned nothing- Maybe a monk- But my husband, like yours, wasn't one ..

Many days have been devoted to sorting, pricing and selling, to burning and shredding, to donating and giving away to anyone wishing to take-

I've learned a bunch about my husband that I never knew while going through his belongings- Some made me smile/some cry-

In 3 month time my sister died, then my husband, then brother- That was 2018- 2019 my son's partner committed suicide, my friends husband died, my husband's niece who was a friend to me- In 2018 mum moved into assisted living, she is now with Hospice- 2 of my children moved and 1 is currently in the process of moving- Lots and lots of belongings have been handled in the process-

Life is precious-

I really wish the DH was a DIYer, but he isn't, therefore he is not the one collecting tools, wood, stuff.
That could be me, (a bit) I take after my dad!
He does like to keep cables and electrical bits and bobs though, and in his study, has a couple of drawers full.
Mind you, when DGS comes, he like to play with the connectors and makes Robots.
I am the one who knows where everything is in the garage , and the car goes in as well, and the shed is my domain.
Happy household. ?

Luckygirl I was in exactly the same situation as you but I was not allowed to even start to dispose of any of it. So comforting to read I am not alone. I shall sell some equipment to cover the cost of the skip and my dear SIL has sorted what would be useful for me to keep with other bits going to him that I can borrow! Unwanted but still useful tools are going to Tool Aid which refurbishes tools for Africa. When my FIL died and we cleared his hoard, we swore we would never do the same ...

What a sad job for you but comfort yourself with the thought that you were patient enough to let him have his treasures. I'm sure he's grateful for that.

We are in the process of decluttering as we hope to downsize in a couple of years. I am not a hoarder so our house isn't too bad but I am guilty of hoarding plants. Our porch is like a greenhouse and it was getting really full in there!

As in most peoples homes the garage is the main problem. My OH was in the building trade and has every 'tool' known to mankind which he won't part with.

I am also a fan of freecycle (Its so easy, they just come and take it away), I've managed to get rid of an old cycle carrier, some taps, several lengths of plaster coving, old furniture and lengths of timber.

Any old clothes, bedding, bags & shoes go to the local 'weigh-in' and I get 50p per kilo. Every little helps!

Well done craftyone.
I plan to live like you one day. Meanwhile DH would be furious if I got rid of anything of his.
I am about to reorganise the spare room and am looking forward to moving my “ study” items into it, which will involve a good clear out.

cabbie, I reached a state of mind when I just wanted to get on with it and get rid. It was an awful time, I sold nothing but it all went. I now have a small house with a loft with stirs that come down, nothing will be going into that loft. I am in process of using things and trying my best to use my local shops as my storage and dfinitely no more bogofs. I have far too much crafting and hobby stuff, I know that, too many clothes, I know that too. I cannot live in a vacuum of nothingness, I am being realistic and at least all my paperwork is in order and filed

One day I am going to be in the same boat. Having cleared my parents’ house I do not want my children to have to do that again.
I wish I knew what would encourage DH to reduce his stuff: 3000 books, records, CDs, old hi-fi, a variety of hi tech kit, electronic mending stuff, timber, woodworking tools, mending tools, gardening tools, gadgets......and expensive collectibles.
The garage is not even tidy, the loft is full, his study is full, every room in the house contains things of his I won’t want to keep. To be fair, it isn’t all junk, yet I won’t know how to get rid of it and get value for it.

I won't even mention the mantle-piece !

They shouldn't put little nooks and shelves on a fire surround hahahaha, fatal where I'm concerned----Staffordshire dogs and cats on the hearth and nooks and crannies with china kookaburra's and a large Lladro lady. That's just the fireplace !!

sunseeker have you tried Freecycle? It is amazing what people will take. Ima in the process of negotiating somebody taking my 3 bi-fold wardrobe doors. they are going to the tip on Friday but it would be good if somebody could make use of them.

I am a hoarder supreme but realise I must do something because whoever clears out my junk and rubbish will be here for weeks.

My parents had a house free of junk - it was only the garden shed but even there it was stuff like the lawnmower and garden equipment. Nothing really extra to requirements. The garage was totally empty apart from their car.

My FIL died 14 years ago,my MIL delights in telling us she still has all his stuff..in the attic and tools etc inthe garage and that WE can sort it out when she dies.Shes as fit as a flea in her mid eighties and my OH ,her son has had a couple of heart attacks so I'm not thrilled that she expects him to clear out the hoard of stuff .We've been clearing out our own excess things as we want to downsize and I really am not looking forward to starting on theirs .

My wonderful ex-neighbour could never thro anything out or give things away, except to her family who wanted none of it. I was house sitting once and needed a spoon, went to her cutlery drawer and it was piled high and packed with her mums old faded cutlery. I know fine well that she also had a stainless steel set and a silver set. That was only one thing, everywhere was packed out and every wall filled. A clean homely house but now her dh is very ill and has not long left, her chickens are coming home to roosr. They have spoken about de-cluttering and downsizing for many years, well before me but now it is too late

I keep telling myself that I must have a blitz one of these days as every time I see my hard-working D I feel deeply sorry for her that she's going to have to shift a whole heap of things which will take her ages and it's not fair. Every shelf, cupboard and space is taken up with nik-naks of some sort. I just had an urge to put things in empty spaces hahahaha rather than leave them bare. Even my worktops !

I'm done with all that and it's driving me mad now.

we had the same problem clearing out my mother's house just before she passed away in the care home. She had numerous broken old alarm clocks, every pair of glasses she had ever had, broken old torches, the plastic containers from every ready meal/takeaway , old paperwork relating to my dad's business - he passed away 30 years ago, every bill from the year dot, our old school books, piles of newspapers and magazines,and as for clothes, bed linen, and towels, well - the charity shops did ok out of that.

It was thoroughly depressing and disheartening trying to go through all this 'junk' and having to get rid of it all in such a short space of time.

I've started to clear my own junk out after having to face all that. I never want anyone to have to go through what we did.

I have started a cunning plan! I 'encourage' our DSs to 'borrow' tools etc from their Dad. I then suggest that they need whatever it is more than we do so they might as well hang on to it, we can always borrow it back. Sometimes they find some utter junk and suggest to him that he throws it away. Working so far but he may have to live another 50 years before it all goes!

We have a neighbour, same age, who has the tidiest garage, knows where everything is and gets 2 cars in as well. He has lived there for about 40 years and doesn't seem to have accumulated useless stuff at all.

Another strategy I have only just adopted is to pick something up and say 'Can't remember the last time we used this, think I might get £10 for it on Gumtree'. Sometimes he tries to justify it and sometime I win. We now only have 2 vacuum cleaners and have got down to one lawn mower.

Tilly, 4 years for me and like you, I started clearing early. I decided that I would continue one of his hobbies and could manage eg the light drill and a battery drill driver. I had to be ruthless and I was pdq. I kept an assortment of screws but got rid of most, I knew that I could buy things if I needed to so I became objective, knowing that I would continue with one of his hobbies helped me no end.

I had no idea then that I would move to a smaller home, that came 3 years later, when I got the urge after yet another maintenance job, which I could do better than a quick tradesman. So 18 paintbrushes became 3 and 8 small amounts of paint became 2 and that was only for touch-ups for selling

I still have masses of wood but neatly stashed on garage shelving and 18litre and 9 litre really useful boxes were indeed extremely useful. I only kept what I could confidently use and what I, myself, might need. These things went into labelled boxes

I did not hire skips but went back and forth to the tip endless times in my car with the back seats removed. The men there gathered around when they saw me coming and very much stuff was handed on to someone else

Tilly it was not to `save money` but was `just in case` some things were hard to source. Be objective, detached and let go

I agree with you Luckygirl. It is a very sad thing to do. I found new homes for some of it and Men’s Shed collected the big saw.

Yes Tilly I had the same problem - I could get my car in the garage so left everything for 8 years! Brother in law came and dealt with it for me - also filled a small skip.

I am now trying to sort through all the "wonderful" things stashed around the house that DH would buy at auction (anyone any idea where I can dispose of a large American flag!)