Late husband's hoard

Sorry for your loss.

I am afraid my dh is a terrible hoarder and he also insists on having all of the the tools that come out just to do a simple job. He has about five drills and tries to justify this by telling me they are all for doing slightly different jobs. My BiL who is far far better at DIY has far less tools and keeps his shed very tidy. I get frustrated as I would like the garage made into another reception room but dh refuses to clear it out and will not allow me to touch any of his precious tools. Every time dh has a birthday or Xmas he actively seeks out new tools. He has poor health now and can no longer use the bloody tools much. He just seems to take pride in having a very large collection and enjoys lending them to friends and family. It is a family joke if you need a tool ask dh as he has more than B&Q.

So sorry for your loss. We went through eight skips when we cleared my father's house. He had outlived my mother by seven years and they were both hoarders.

It was hard, but I tried to console myself by the thought that some of what they had kept had sentimental value for them, and all "the things that might come in useful" and 20 years worth of bank statements, receipted bills and income tax returns had somehow given them a sense of security.

The experience has made me very, very careful of how much and what we keep!

BlueSapphire Tool Aid pass tools their volunteers have refurbished to Tools for Self Reliance for shipping out. They also take old computers and computer accessories. toolaidringwood.org.uk

Recently I selected a few collectibles to get rid of. DH said, if you get rid of them, I will replace them!! There is no hope.

I’ve been trying for years to get DH to sort his stuff out. The spare room, no longer spare but a place to put stuff. His main hobbies are fishing and music. The fishing entails a garage full of a variety of fishing rods, reels, camping equipment many of these in duplicate, triplicate etc. and a load of this migrated to the spare room. This is not to mention the big storage boxes half full of tangled cables of all varieties. Loads of other stuff as well. Whilst he is visiting family I take the opportunity of tidying but not throwing anything away. Today, me DD and I reorganised the garage and I can now go in and find the tools, the decorating equipment and the gardening stuff. He can now sort his stuff but at least it is tidy.
I’m rather a hoarder too, with loads of fabric and craft stuff. In my defence, I’ve done some sorting out of old family photos. Selecting just the best and writing about the people at the same time. As I had to clear my mother’s house, I’m aware how difficult this process can be so I’ve vowed to make it as easy as possible for my children but it’s a work in progress. I’ll continue once winter closes in and try to get through as much as possible.
For anyone wondering what else can be done with unwanted but serviceable possessions is to try your local auction house. We have 4 within easy reach and at least two take all sorts of household goods, books, linens, tools, furniture etc. We have got rid of unwanted stuff via this route. I also like to donate some things to local charities. Here there are more 2nd hand furniture shops springing up and they collect for free.
The passing of a loved one is so difficult so I hope to ease that burden whilst I can. The added bonus is that if unwanted possessions can be passed on in some way they may be of help to another and reduce the amount of good going to landfill.

Just an update: Tools for Self Reliance came this week, took the rest of DH's tools and also his father's tools! They also took 4 bikes, which had not been used for 20 years. This tools charity run a workshop for disabled/ out of work/ retired people, who refurbish the tools and bikes which are then supplied for projects in this country or Africa. I have emailed the local council about disposing of DH's diving gear, wetsuit and air tanks etc, which the skip people would not take. The garage now looks quite empty - just a few old computers to get rid of!

Every now and then, I put a few things outside near the pavement. It's surprising what people will take and make use of!

Things stay in storage for decades because people can't face sorting and clearing them out. It's a good earner for the storage companies, but insane to store things long term!

I've really decluttered to get ready to go onto the market, and was shocked tonight to receive a quote for £1000 to move my possesions out of the house and into storage, plus £175 for disassembly. The weekly storage cost is £60. I think I'm going to have to declutter even more, such a lot of money and I'm not really sure I do want all of it.

As an update, the full to overflowing skip has gone and a large carload went to Tool Aid. It's a huge worry off my mind. I found our old front door rotting away and have kept the door knocker from it - starting my own hoard?! There are items to sell in my own time when I match them to their manuals. I feel I've moved forward.

We are reaching that age when we really should downsize but don’t want to. One of the issues that has presented itself is that when you have many possessions, it makes cleaning and maintaining a house very hard.

So it begins, the great clearance! I go through fits and starts with major evictions in the book and kitchen department, oh and all those trinkets and pictures that evoke great memories of holidays past.

However, the man shed and cupboards remain the same, no amount of chivying or extolling of the benefits of a purge make any useful impression. It seems my idea is a good one, in theory but is relegated to a task for some time in the distant future.

I have imposed a rule, one thing into the house, one thing out.

Keeps a lid on it.

Recently we visited Calke Abbey, a National Trust property which has been conserved as it was found; many of the rooms are full of collections: of shells, stuffed birds, Victorian nick backs etc, the whole is place full. In the posh rooms you wouldn’t be able to move or do anything. Some rooms were just used by the family for storage, in their later years. It seems that they threw nothing away: broken chairs, disused tools, old lamps, you name it.
Just because you have room, that is no reason to just hang on to stuff. Nobody else will want it when you are not here.
Our house is verging on becoming the same. Full of good stuff, collectibles, and junk. Eek!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Beechnut thanks again. The local Men’s shed came the next day and are going to take the many tools. Any they don’t need will be passed on to other branches or charities. They are returning with a large trailer!

We cleared both my parents and in-laws houses which was sad. My dad had tools dating back to the days when he first started work and I was a little loathe to get rid of those so they are in a tool box in our garage. It's amazing the number of times husband has been trying to do something and although he has a huge amount of his own tools (he was also an engineer) Dad's toolbox has produced just the right tool for the job!

BlueSapphire it is so nice when a charity can refurbish tools.
A while ago now, during another clear out, we sent some of dad's things to Tools With a Mission, (TWAM), which we found through a friend at church.
I wonder if they are in your area?

It’s really tough, having to clear out “stuff” but we really must. We’ve gone through our garage, two sheds and loft-exhausting but as OP said our two DDs can’t be expected to do this-they both have busy lives, work, family and one lives a long way away! Hoarding is a serious mental health problem and v difficult to deal with.

Exactly the same here. DH died last year and I finally got myself together last month and organised a skip, which I have taken two weeks to fill. An assortment of his junk collected over 50 years! Every old and broken piece of electrical equipment, bits of wood, screws, nails and you name it he would keep it. Things that 'might come in useful one day'. Stuff that he could raid for spare parts. Every empty cardboard box, every half empty tin of paint, old tvs, computers, radios; broken slide projectors and VHS recorders. He hated going to the tip, so everything went in the garage. Never got the car in it, so our (very) expensive Jaguar sat on the drive.

DS and DSil have had what they wanted, so I called Tools for Self Reliance to see if anything will be useful to them, but they haven't got back to me yet. Yesterday my window cleaner fell on them eagerly, so I let him take what he wanted. (Written about this today in the Good Morning thread). Still 4 bikes to go, but the Tools charity will take those and renovate them. Neither of us had been on our bikes for well over 20 years. I can't quite get used to the amount of empty space left in the garage! It's been hard thinking about the history of things as they get put in the skip, remembering how proudly and eagerly we bought them and used them till they either broke or were superseded by the next new thing. But they have to go, and I have the memories to look back on.

If it's just a shed or garage with no items of real value then there's plenty of clearance firms who'll happily come and take the lot!

It was me Butweam. Don’t be put off if the one you contact doesn’t want anything as they might know where another Men’s Shed is starting up.

My DH passed away early last year, and it always was a joke that he was clearing out the garage. Anyway when he knew his cancer was terminal he did clear some, bless him as he knew how hard it would be for me. I didn’t want to admit he was going so kept saying leave it. Anyway I did give all his fishing gear to his friend, but still have a full double garage plus 2 large sheds to sort through and they are full! I don’t even know what some of the tools are. He was an engineer. I want to downsize next year so it has to be done and I think I will need a large skip! I shall have to stay focused and try not to get too upset. Thank you whoever mentioned the Men’s Shed organisation, as I think I will see if they want any of the power tools.

When I moved last year I had to clear a cellar and two lofts full of stuff put there by the men of the family. I couldn't get into the loft so my sons brought it down, mostly too dusty and spoiled to keep. The cellar had so much stuff I never knew was there all going rusty and dirty. Some belonged to my sons, some to my late DH and some to the previous owner. I did get moaned at for throwing some of it out. It all had to come up unsafe stairs with no banister. My brother helped most and took lots to the tip. It was a nightmare and my new house has no cellar or loft.
I still have quite a lot of stuff but it is all clean, accessible and mostly organised.

Tillywhizz you are lucky if it is just the garage. I also have a garden shed full of tools, a large cupboard full of tools and a box room full of computer "stuff"! There are also tool bags and boxes full of tools scattered around the house. DS has made a start on it all but it will be a long job!

Not nice for all of you I know but so comforting to know I am not alone! And yes wise words, I will detach myself.