Son's death

Apologies for the sentence with all the "somethings" ... it should read "^I agree that is not something that you should insist on now^.

Beeny I'm so very sorry to hear of your sad loss. I understand why it is that you would like to have your dad's watch to give to your son's twin. But I agree that it is something that it is not something you should insist on now.

I coincidentally read an article today (in the October Sainsbury's magazine) where Julia Samuel (bereavement counsellor/psychotherapist) says that is it very common for people who have been bereaved to cling to "tokens or talismans" including wearing something that belonged to the person who has died. She mentions wearing their jewellery, or cooking their favourite meal, or visiting a place that was special to them.

I too, will be thinking of you.

Thinking of you.

Acts of love and kindness bring so much comfort and mean so much when your life has been turned upside down.
Your boy was obviously loved and treasured by many.
Thinking of you. x

Just to say you are in my thoughts Beeny - how wonderful that all those people felt so warmly about your son.

Alexa, just five words and they brought tears to my eyes. I am so broken. Nearly 200 people came to Louis' funeral yesterday. So many young people coming up to me, sobbing, telling me his much they loved my boy. How he was cheeky gorgeous, funny and caring, how they are devastated and can't believe he's gone. I kept it together and comforted them, and we laughed together at the stories of his escapades.
Tonight I drove past the crash site on my way home from my mum's. Someone has handmade beautiful wooden plaques and screwed then into the tree. One has a small shelf at the bottom, and glass votives have been glued to it. To drive slowly past in the dark, and see the light of candles flickering was so amazing. I miss my gorgeous boy so much.
Bless you for thinking of me.

The loss of your son must be dreadful for you.
He has left a daughter and she needs you and your support and love. Please don’t do anything to jeopardise your relationship with her and her mother.
The girlfriend may think in a different, more compassionate way later. Let’s hope.
?

Yes, having thought further, I think eazybee is right. The next of kin is your son's daughter.

Let's hope a compromise can be reached. The OP said that the GF had kept all the son's possessions for her daughter and it would appear this is not wrong. However, it would be kind of her to give some things back. After all, the OP can leave them to the granddaughter when she dies.

My husband died. I was entitled to keep everything of his and give it to my children but I did give some things to his bereaved father because I felt so very sorry for him. When my husband's father died, the objects came back to me.

This is such a sad situation.

MissAdventure ..

So very sad.
Unless your son left a will, the next of kin is his daughter, and all his possessions should pass to her.
Might be worth seeing if they can be put in trust for her.

I am so very sorry for you.

Perhaps leave the subject of the watch for the time being as there is no right or wrong answer. I think I can understand why you would like your other son to have the watch but I think I can also understand why your son's GF may wish to have the watch for their daughter.

What does your other son think?

Your father will not know one way or the other.

I really feel so very sorry for all concerned.

Thinking about Beeny again today.

Oh you poor poor lady but I still feel let the things go you had your sons heart and so many memories of his life and love that his girlfriend only knew briefly It all feels unfair and very very hard to take in but possessions are only that, you had his love his care, attention, and his life for 22 years the girlfriend only 18 months You now have a part of him left in your granddaughter, let the possessions go but keep your granddaughter if you fight for the possessions you may lose your granddaughter
When your grand baby is older talk to her about her dad tell her all the little memories and funny stories you have and will share with her Do you have any possessions of his as a child or young person or photos if so start a little memory box or album for you and for her and perhaps his twin
Memories are like golddust and last for ever, possessions are just that ....things
Xx

My condolences for your loss.

You lost a son, she lost a partner and the father of her child.

The passing is so recent that you are all grieving and not thinking straight. Give it time.

Think long term, not short term -about your relationship with her and your gc, it is worth more than physical posessions

Don't have any advice, but as with any bereavement, especially loss of a child, I'm so sorry

Sometimes people just want something tangible to wear to remind them of their loved one, when my mother died I took to wearing her wedding ring on a chain round my neck for a while, just touching it reminded me of her. I guess your son's girlfriend wanted such a keepsake, I suppose that's understandable hopefully this will end up with your granddaughter one day. Nevertheless, sorry for the additional stress at this sad time, as others have said, it would be best to try and have a cordial relationship with the mother of your grandchild, as you are the strongest link to her father and can imbue her with the essence of him once she is older.

Just wait, Beeny. Horrendous grief stricken time for you all. The period between death and funeral is surreal for many. Get through it. Get through the funeral. Time might help.

So sorry for your loss. That's very unkind of his girlfriend. I am one of six siblings. When our mother died, our oldest sister kept all her things. There was nothing of value but no keepsakes were given to the rest of us.

I take on board everyone's comments, and thank you for them. I'm going to follow your wise advice, and let it go.

Ellanvannin, I only gave the briefest of background. What I did not say is that his gf has kept everything of his. All his rings, cufflinks, silver chains, watches. His twin and I have not even one small keepsake between us. She simply says it's all hers now. That's why I want so much to just have my father's watch back.

Grief is personal. The OP will still be in shock and probably not thinking straight at all.

It's totally not about a watch. It's what it symbolizes.

What a terrible tragedy for you; you have barely had time to accept what has happened.
I am sure your son would want his child to have his watch, and since it was given to him it is his possession, no longer yours to decide where it should go. It must bring his girlfriend some comfort to wear it, and I am sure you want to build a good relationship with her and your granddaughter.

Let the watch idea go. If the girl is your son’s child then she is next of kin and the watch really belongs to her and effectively is still passing down the family. It is a very traumatic time and thoughts are all over the place. Having lost a son myself I know.
Be pleased that your granddaughter has some small trinket of her father, even if his partner is wearing it for comfort at the moment.
My sincere condolences.

I don't feel I can offer advice but just wanted to send my condolences. Such a sad and difficult time for both you and your son's partner.

I think that's precisely why the focus is on the watch; because the pain of losing a child is just too big to take, more than is humanly possible for a long, long while.

I just can't understand why the focus is on the watch ? A member of the family has died here, why worry over a bloomin' watch ? I don't get it at all sorry. I'd be beside myself with grief.