Getting through the christmas period

Last Christmas was my first without my DH, {after 46 years of marriage), some things I did the same, and some different. I no longer to go town on decorations, but have been determined to have a tree and put all the favourite ornaments on it. But I did buy a new smaller prelit tree as I could not see me coping with putting the old big one up, and stringing the lights on it. And as I usually look after the DGDs at some time over the holiday it is good to keep up the semblance of normality and make the house look bright and festive.

I stayed with DD last Christmas, so although I still woke up on the day with a space next to me in bed, there were people in the house. This year though, I am going to DS and family, and as he lives just round the corner I have decided to stay at home, and just go up to his for days. So next Wednesday will be my first Christmas ever waking up to an empty house (apart from the cats!). I will get through it and have bought myself some fizz and will have it with a special breakfast. And raise a glass to DH!

I just kept thinking that DH would break his heart if he thought I was just sat grieving and moping, and I put on a happy face and get on with things. I make myself go out and do activities that I would never have done before and try to keep busy. I am a lot more sociable now, and plan holidays on my own and little outings.

There are bound to be some sad moments next week, but hope that the happy ones will outweigh them.

I found it helped a lot to do things very differently after I lost my husband. I spent far more time away from home.

A lot of the Christmas traditions and rituals went straight out of the window. We spent the first Christmas without him at a friend's house.

I slept in a different bedroom. We ate in a different room (swapped lounge and dining room), took the dog out on new routes and changed routines. He wasn't so obviously 'missing' then.

A lady in this road (Dolly) volunteered with the Salvation Army after her husband died. She was very old but sprightly and would help out with all the preparations for their Christmas dinner. She helped at the church too, although not religious. I'm sure the keeping busy was essential for her too.

It is so hard but you will come through it , if you want to cry
when you attend the Salvation Army are playing this evening, cry. I use to tin rattle for the Army when they came to our town st Christmas, it was not at all unusual to see someone cry.

Take care x

Craftyone you have reached all the targets you set yourself so far, and well done for that. You sound like a brave and strong person.
The anniversaries will always be difficult, but I am sure all the planning you have done will be very helpful to you.
I do hope you can relax into the peace of your quiet days, and if you need to shed tears at times that is definitely ok too.

craftyone I am so sorry for your loss and understand that this time of year is very difficult. My daughter lost her husband a year ago after a very short traumatic illness (pancreatic cancer). She has been very busy all year but now things have gone quiet and she is feeling it badly, hoping that Christmas will come and go quickly. I shall be thinking of you both over Christmas and hoping you find some peace and some happy memories to treasure.

You sound very brave.